How can one look at the trials and tribulations of Rep. Todd Akin (R-Dumbassistan, Missouri) and not see a reflection of the sufferings of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?
That's what Bryan Fischer sees when he looks at the GOP candidate for Senate in the Show Me state. And he's the spokesperson for the American Family Association, so he knows from whence he speaks, Jesus-wise.
Speaking with AFA president Tim Wildmon on Today’s Issues, Fischer compared the media’s criticism of Akin with the Pharisees’ attacks on Jesus, saying that “the scribes and Pharisees were the first ones to play gotcha politics.”
Well, no. They were not the first.
Recall earlier in the Bible when God ordered Abraham to take his son, Isaac, up the mountain and make a sacrifice of him? Abraham, being the father of all religions or something, didn't want to mess up his spot in the Bible by disobeying God, so he hauled keester up the mountain with his boy, tied him to a rock and was about to open him up with a knife when an Angel stopped him. "What the hell are you doing," the Angel asked. "What God said to do," Abraham said as he raised the knife. "God tells you to bring your boy up to the mountain top and slay him and you just do it? Who are you, Homer Simpson?" Unfamiliar with the reference, Abraham shrugged his shoulders and lunged at his son's gizzard. The Angel stopped his arm and spilled the beans. "God was just testing your faith," the Angel said. "Gotcha!" And for years, at every Thanksgiving dinner, Isaac would get a snootful of wine and remind Abraham about almost killing him and annoyed Abraham so much that he stopped inviting Isaac over for the Holidays and his name was never mentioned again until he became President in 1861.
Then, there was Job. Hoo boy! Here's a guy who got "gotcha'd". According to the Bible, Satan and God were taking a stroll one day and they saw Job laboring amongst his children and wife and kine, which was the word they used for cattle then. "That Job, he's some of my best work," God said. "Of course he worships you," Satan said. "Look at all his wives and children and kine! Who wouldn't worship you with that much kine on the hoof?" "Oh yeah," God said. "Yeah, Satan said. "In fact, I betcha five bucks that if you smite him with many smites, kill off a few of his wives, some of his kids and kine, he won't look at you like big Poppa Heavenbucks anymore." "You're on," God said. There was a clap of thunder and a bunch of Job's wives and kids and kine dropped dead and he formed a bunch of painful, oozing and terribly itchy sores. "Look," Job said. "I don't know what I did or said, but if I pissed you off somehow, just tell me so I can apologize," and this really made God angry. "Who the hell are you to tell ME what to do," God said. "I am the Lord Thy God! Where were you when I made the mountains and the sea and the sky and the birdies and the trees and the grass and the kine? Huh? Smart guy?" And Job looked down at his oozing feet and said, "You're right. I'm sorry." Satan forked over the five bucks, God restored Job to an even better position than he was before all of this with more kids and more wives and more kine (which they decided to refer to as cattle after that). And the last thing Job heard as God set in the west that night was, "Gotcha!"
So, the scribes (what they called "bloggers" back then) and Pharasees (the contemporary word for lawyers) were NOT the first to do play the "Gotcha Game." But they were quite good at it.
“You know the Gospel writers say that they kept looking for some way to trap Jesus in something that he might say, just one single word they could jump on to try to discredit him and that’s what they did with Todd Akin and his comments about rape,” Fischer said.
Uh huh.
So, what learneth thou from today's sermon?
1. Todd Akin is just like Jesus.
2. God has a heck of a sense of humor.
3. Nobody knows what Mitt Romney really believes about anything.
Ooops. Look at the time. We need to take the kine outside so they can go potty.
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