Below the Orange antimacassar, Holmes and Watson view themselves through the lens of an award-winning community college newscast. The award happens to be for creative editing. Curious readers may wish to read the pre-edited events in Chapter 8.
Those of you who were wrapped up in watching the convention and the wonderful speeches - an art form at which we Democrats seem to excel - having the benefit of truth and facts helps I suppose - may want to read chapter 11.
Other Chapters:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Sherlock Holmes in Space -- The Knower -- Chapter 12
a story by jabney based on (the now public domain) characters created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
...
"Hey Otis," said a thin, pale young woman dressed entirely in black, with black painted fingernails, black lipstick and black hair that stood out in spikes, "Your friends here were just on the news."
Otis said, "Which network?"
The young woman said, "Not the network, one of the community college stations. We watch the end of it sometimes when we tune in early for "The Goth Hour."
"I hope Watson and I looked sufficiently photogenic, this is Dr Watson and I'm Sherlock Holmes."
"I don't think they gave your names on the newscast, sounds sort of familiar though. I'm Angela Berk. Nice to meet you."
"Do you have the instant recall handy?," said Otis.
"I can get it on the screen we're using. It's fund-raising week and "The Goth Hour" is having a re-run of that Munsters versus Adaam's Family softball game. The one where the ball turns out to be Cousin It, and Uncle Fester insists his head is the pitchers mound. Not sure if these two will want to watch it though. It's kinda snarky."
"The game?"
"No silly, the interview," she said to Otis in a voice that was as sunny as her projected image was gloomy. Turning to us she said, "I think older folks should be treated with respect, and, "Boring old farts" is hardly respectful of the elderly. Don't you agree?"
I suddenly felt rather old. Holmes said, "Boring old farts?"
Angela said, "It was just after you had asked what seemed to be a straight-forward question about hose pressure. We all came to pretty much the same answer, except Veronica, who pointed out the time display on the footage."
"And that showed what?" I said.
"The question coincided with a commercial break during, "Cook's Peril." And it's only the most popular show in that time-slot. So of course the bathroom breaks would conspire to lower the over-all water pressure. We won't know how much until the over-nights come out of course. I do appreciate a question with a cleverly hidden twist, Mr Holmes." I noticed, as she said this, that Angela's outfit seemed to be hiding very little. A little thin for my tastes but I also noticed that Sherlock Holmes seemed to be exercising more tolerance for small talk than was his usual practice.
Angela wandered off to arrange the playback and Jerome said, "Angela's our resident code-breaker. And our resident heart-breaker. Don't let the cheery tone of voice fool you, the outfits she wears are very appropriate."
Otis said, "Jerome's is the voice of the recently jilted. You'll get over it eventually, Jerome, I assure you. Here, let this level ten buy you a beer. You level eights are so downtrodden."
Jerome laughed and said, "OK, you have a point. But Mr Holmes and Dr Watson here may want something besides our beer."
"Why, is it not very good?" I said.
"Oh quite good, and a fine selection, but at American temperatures, not lukewarm like in England," said Otis.
"When in Rome," said Holmes. "I'd like a lager if it's not a bother."
"It will be my pleasure," said Otis, "I'll bring them over to viewing pit, why don't you head over and get settled in. And you Doctor?"
"Do you have an India pale ale?" Even though I found myself rather liking Otis already, after the, "Lukewarm" remark, I felt the least I could is to put him on the spot. They may have really cold beer in an American style pub, but an IPA? Doubtful.
"Five varieties, on tap," Otis said. "I recommend the Philadelphia style. It's an 8.2 alcohol content."
All I could say to that was, "OK." When in Rome, indeed.
The black-garbed group welcomed us and made room for us on a comfortable leather sofa. Angela motioned the young man sitting next to Holmes to scoot over make room for her. She held up a device with a number of buttons and said, "The hand that wields the remote control rules the world, or at least the room. Gang, this is Mr Holmes and Dr Watson. Mr Holmes, Dr Watson, the gang."
The gang said, "Hi" and Holmes said, "I'm pleased to meet you. Sorry to interrupt the softball game."
The displaced young man said, "You've done us a service. If I have to see Cousin It turn his fur into feathers and fly over the fence one more time, I think I will hurl."
"Don't do that Roger, these are celebrities," said Angela. "We are about to watch them."
The image on the screen changed from people running backwards, very quickly, to people hanging up then answering phones, very quickly, then to what appeared to be the fire scene. I thought I had a glimpse of Director Parrish, then a dalmatian hound, then for a flicker of a second Sherlock Holmes with a stout-looking man next to him, then that pesky Bert whatever, and finally stopping on the image of a very serious looking young man and a very serious looking young woman seated behind a desk. It did not move. The beverages arrived and we raised our glass in a toast. "To strange bed-fellows," said Otis.
I heard Angela say soto voce to Holmes, "And some of us stranger than others," as she edged even closer to Holmes. Holmes did not move away. Angela again raised the remote and pressed a button.
The image of the young woman was in the middle of saying something. I heard her say, "...as the conflict continues at the entrance to the Navigation Department, the holy site of three major native SS Oligarch belief groups. Do you think they'll ever find agreement Lloyd?"
The young man on the screen, apparently Lloyd, said, "I don't know whether we will ever see that, but News 19's Bert Piffect says we'll agree that there was excitement enough for almost everyone at the "Suburban Parade of Homes - Mid-Atlantic Edition - Split-level Estates" today. Let's go to Bert.
The scene started as I remembered. "Bert Piffect at the scene of a three-alarm fire in the arts district. Let's talk to these gentlemen. Your name, sir? What brought you to foxtail house today?" But instead of him pointing the microphone at me, there was the scene of him petting the fire chief's dalmatian, and then a picture of, I suppose me, although I certainly don't think I'm that portly, with me saying, "Am I supposed to eat this?"
The scene shifted back to the two at the desk, and Lloyd said, "No sir, I believe hot dog day is the first and third Saturday."
The young woman laughed a superior laugh and said, "Let's see what else Bert came across at what some critics agree is the SS O's most unusual exhibit."
Lloyd said, "Or at least attracts some of the SS O's most unusual people."
There was the face of young Master Piffect talking to Sherlock Holmes. But he was saying the words he'd said to me, "Your name, sir? What brought you to foxtail house today?"
The answer was Holmes speaking, but only part of what he said, "...flames and the firefighting apparatus... What would you estimate the hose pressure to be...I'm...most interested in...that sort of detailed information."
The scene was the two at the desk again and Lloyd rolled his eyes and said, "But we're not."
His companion laughed her snide laugh and said, "Does anybody there have anything meaningful to say, Bert?"
The scene was back at the fire and focused in on the dalmatian dog who barked. "There you go Cindy, a serious comment. Later, we were able to secure an exclusive News 19 interview with Director Parrish, and although the audio is redacted pending the investigation of the blaze, here are scenes of your reporter asking the sort of tough questions that News 19 is known for."
Music played while several characters milled about behind Bert Piffect. "That's the most outrageous distortion I have ever seen, Holmes! I have a good mind to..."
"Quiet Watson, notice the crowd behind young Mr Piffect." The scene had changed by that time but Holmes asked Angela if she could return the image to that scene.
Angela said, "No problem, but it's almost over, so you may as well see the coup de grace first."
The scene shifted to the desk again and Cindy said, "Well there you have it, two leading contenders for the News 19 Boring Old Farts award. Thanks Bert. And thank you for watching News 19. If it really happened, it's on award winning News 19!"
Holmes picked up his lager and, even though I'm sure it was too cold for his taste, proceeded to drain the glass. I did likewise with my IPA and said, "What award did they win?"
"Creative editing, Doctor, are you surprised?" said Angela, "Now let's find that scene that your friend is so interested in. It was in the background behind the newscaster’s head, right?"
"Right," said Holmes. "Can you pause the action when I tell you?"
Angela said, "I can be very good at pausing the action at just the right time, especially with a contender for the News 19 Boring Old Farts award."
"Well for right now, pausing the action on the screen will suffice," said Holmes, sounding to be in somewhat better spirits than he had been only a moment before.
"There!" said Holmes. Angela paused the image. Sherlock Holmes looked around and said, "Who notices anything out of the ordinary?"
Jerome and Angela almost simultaneously said, "Twins." "A half dozen pairs," added Jerome.
To Otis, Holmes said, "Is Angela a level eight, also?"
"Yes," said Otis. "And I suppose as a level ten I'm expected to point out the odd fact that none of the "Twins" is standing next to the other."
"I take it that this is no surprise to you, Otis."
"Only that they would be so open about it already, Mr Holmes. I had thought our discussion of this topic would benefit from your pop culture crash course, but we may have to compress the schedule. I will have our sighting team start to work on identifying the casual observers in the crowd shot. I'll also have a high-res screen delivered to your lodgings tonight. I suggest that you put your doggy bag to work tonight."
"And I can bring you a copy of the scene at the fire," said Angela.
"Or you could just upload it to the server," said Jerome, "That would save you the bother of a trip."
"Not a bother at all, Jerome. How are you gentlemen getting back?"
"We'll take a cab," I said.
"Hard to get one in this neighborhood at this time of night," said Angela. "Otis did you come on your bike?"
"Yes, do you want me take one of these two?" said Otis.
"Your bike has a bigger engine so why don't you take Dr Watson. If you don't mind a woman driver, Mr Holmes."