Newt: Hey, voters, when I talk about making the election process easier, I only mean for myself.
(Jeff Haynes/Reuters)
Remember waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back at the end of December, when we all had a real good laugh about how stupid the Republican presidential candidates are?
Oh, I'm sorry. I should be more specific, shouldn't I?
Okay, remember waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back at the end of December, when we all had a real good laugh about how stupid the Republican presidential candidates are because only two of them could figure out how to get on the Virginia ballot? And no, Newt Gingrich, The Greatest Historian and Smartest Guy Who Ever Lived, was not one of those two people. In fact, Newt's campaign compared the tragedy of being too dumb to figure out Virginia ballot-access laws with the almost-as-tragic attack on Pearl Harbor:
"Newt and I agreed that the analogy is December 1941,” campaign director Michael Krull wrote on the Gingrich Facebook page. "We have experienced an unexpected set-back, but we will re-group and re-focus with increased determination, commitment and positive action. Throughout the next months there will be ups and downs; there will be successes and failures; there will be easy victories and difficult days—but in the end we will stand victorious."
Newt then immediately joined Rick Perry's lawsuit, asking the court to engage in some hot and heavy judicial activism to completely disregard and rewrite the laws and put their names on the ballot anyway because:
"Virginia ballot access rules are among the most onerous and are particularly problematic in a multicandidate election,” said Perry campaign Communications Director Ray Sullivan in a statement. “We believe that the Virginia provisions unconstitutionally restrict the rights of candidates and voters by severely restricting access to the ballot, and we hope to have those provisions overturned or modified to provide greater ballot access to Virginia voters and the candidates seeking to earn their support."
You would think that a tragedy of this magnitude—a tragedy of Pearl Harbor proportions—that gave Republican candidates a first-hand look at how "onerous" and "problematic" ballot-access laws can be might lead them to reflect on whether "onerous" and "problematic" ballot restrictions for voters are really such a good idea.
But then you'd remember that these guys are assholes. And also, not very bright. Thus, we have Newt:
[T]he Obama administration and Attorney General Eric Holder see no reason to require a photo ID for Americans to carry out one of our most important civic duties: voting.
The Obama Justice Department has blocked a new South Carolina law that would compel residents to present a photo ID to cast a ballot. Seven other states also have adopted strict photo ID laws in an effort to prevent election fraud. [...]
Instead of standing in the way of good government, the Obama administration should applaud efforts to bring integrity to South Carolina elections and elections in all states, especially as we enter 2012 and what will perhaps be a contentious election year.
You see, Newt is disgusted that the "Obama Justice Department" is interfering in elections by trying to ensure that voters have access to, in Newt's words, "one of our most important civic duties." You see, some of these new voter ID laws are what some people might consider "onerous" and "problematic." But Newt is totally cool with that; the real problem is making sure the entire election process is fair and open and not-onerous and not-problematic and not-Just-Like-Pearl-Harbor for candidates. As for voters? Fuck 'em.
If America is the world’s most exceptional nation, then we need to run the globe’s most exceptional and secure elections.
Guess when Newt talks about exceptional elections, what he means is that when it comes to elections, we should be making exceptions for him.