In case you're lucky enough not to be my friend on Facebook, here's what my postings have looked like since the second presidential debate:
Well, it's late. I guess I'll put a few things away, read my son a story, and then curl up in my binder and go to sleep.
Darn it. I slept wrong, and now there's this weird mark on my face. Stupid top ring was digging into me all night.
Be honest: Does this binder make me look fat?
I need some advice. My husband got me a binder for my birthday. I know he really tried to find something I'd like, and I don't want to hurt his feelings -- but the fact is, I look terrible in it. Do I make him happy, go ahead and wear it, and deal with the embarrassment; or do I return it and get something I like and risk him getting upset?
::sigh:: This binder makes my butt look huge.
Isn't it always the way? I have the perfect binder picked out for tonight's get-together with my friends. Do any of my shoes go with it? Of course not.
Aw! My husband just told me I look PeeChee!
Oh, God. I can't -- I just can't believe this. My husband said he's been working late every night this week. I just found out -- he's been at Staples! Everybody's telling me not to jump to conclusions. But, excuse me -- if this were so "innocent," why didn't he tell me? And "just looking"? I don't think so, pal. Sorry if my binder doesn't fit the way it used to. I'm a grown woman, okay? It's gotten a little tight around the corners, especially after the baby.
Dear Abby: Help! My husband and I have been married more than twenty years. I guess he wants to "spice things up" a bit, because last week he gave me a binder he ordered online. "Revealing" doesn't even begin to describe it. It's got one of those see-through filmy plastic covers that leaves nothing to the imagination. He kept begging me to try it on. I know it was really expensive and it seemed to mean a lot to him, so I finally modeled it for him. He was thrilled. Now he wants to take pictures of me wearing it! He swears he just wants them for his own personal enjoyment, but I've heard what can happen with that kind of thing. The Internet is just too dangerous! How do I say no without turning this into a big fight?
Dear Mr. Romney: Gosh, but it's stuffy in here! Do you have a hole punch I could borrow?