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Besides a chill in the air (for most of you) low humidity, falling leaves, and earlier sunsets; October brings us the spine tingling fun and anticipation of Halloween. No one is too young or too old to enjoy this holiday.
Harris Interactive Polls conducted a survey last September that listed Halloween as American's third favorite holiday. Not surprising was that Christmas and Thanksgiving were one and two respectively.
Halloween ranked among the top 5 in all the polling demographic breakdown ratings:
Echo Boomers (10-34) |
3rd place |
Gen X (35-46) |
3rd place |
Baby Boomers (47-65) |
4th place |
Matures (66+) |
5th place |
All Males |
4th place |
All Females |
3rd place |
To kick off this month's spooky topics, I bring you a collection of humorous epitaphs freshly copied from tombstones designed to get you in the spirit (get it? ha ha spirit) of the season.
The following are from actual tombstones
On the grave of a woman who died in 1984. Colorado Springs, Colorado. Her son, owner of Zeezo's Magic Castle in Colorado Springs, stated that his mother had been married to a Texan who is buried in Texas: I would rather be here than in Texas.
Gravestone near Uniontown, PA: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake, Stepped on the gas instead of the brake
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore, Four slugs from a forty-four. No Les, No Moore.
Cemetery in Key West, FL: I Told You I Was Sick
Tombstone in Edinburgh, Scotland: Stranger tread this ground with gravity. Dentist Brown is filling his last cavity.
Ruidoso, New Mexico tombstone: Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.
A spinster postmistress in a North Carolina cemetery: Returned--Unopened
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays Butch, We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw.
East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna
On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod: Pease shelled out and went to God.
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June - Jonathan Fiddle - Went out of tune.
Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia: She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her.
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Jackie Gleason: “And away we go.”
Frank Sinatra: ”The best is yet to come.”
Billy Wilder: “I’m a writer but then nobody’s perfect.”
Merv Griffin: “I will not be right back after this message.”
Here is a collection of Epitaphs from some creative minds (these are not real):
Count Dracula: "Fangs for the Memories"
Pillsbury Dough Boy: Here lies the Pillsbury Dough Boy - He will rise again
H. Dumpty: "I was pushed!"
Charles Borden, father of Lizzie: "Get out of her way when she's having a tizzy!"
Don Adams (known as Maxwell Smart in "Get Smart"): "Would you believe..."
This section is for the computer geeks:
Son of SIMM: His random acts of murder (RAM) are some of the most shocking in recent memory. Hated his motherboard.
Billy the CAD:
Was the fastest drawing program in the West.
Pretty eBay Floyd: Modern-day Robin Hood auctioned faux antiques to the rich and donated the spoils to failing dot-coms.
Bugsy C++-gul -: A good coder gone bad.
Hack the Ripper: Brutally ripped MP3s and burnt them to CDs. Displayed total disregard for copyright laws.
SCSI Borden: Gave her mother 40 Macs.
John WAN Gacy: Your child's worst nightmare: A network administrator, a basement, and a clown suit.