"Obamacare has been repealed," Willard Mitty exclaimed to those assembled to watch the 2014 State of the Union address.
The cold winds of a January evening in Washington swooshed outside, but inside, Willard Mitty felt the warm cheers and hoorahs of conservative lawmakers and dignitaries in attendance. Every Democrat, and a few, more moderate Republicans, were sitting and did not clap or cheer. Willard Mitty had a slight grin, "Next, we will repeal Roe, make the Bush tax cuts permanent, and cut capital gains to zero!" Conservatives roared.
"Mitt. Are you awake? Let me repeat," Gingrich challenged, "You stated in an interview in June of 2009 that you supported the basic premise of President Obama's healthcare bill. In fact, many facets of the bill are almost identical to the Massachusetts healthcare bill you signed in 2006. You, sir are a political opportunist. Are you a character from a James Thurber short story? I'm the only true conservative in this race," Gingrich said.
Willard Mitty shook his head slightly and realized he wasn't giving his first State of the Union address, but was on stage, debating Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Ron Paul, in yet another Republican debate.
It's no secret that the Republican Party is united behind one thing: the defeat of President Barack Obama. But, one thing we are learning more about is The Secret Conservative Life of Willard Mitt Romney.
Although most people believe that Romney will be the eventual Republican nominee, he has been unable to coalesce conservative voters behind him. The reason conservative voters do not supported Romney is simple. He is a politically moderate Republican.
In an epic case of flip-flopping political expediency, the candidate has changed positions, sometimes repeatedly, on almost every issue considered important to conservatives. He might have more flip-flops on his record than could be found in a beachside shop in the Cayman Islands, where incidentally, Romney has an offshore account. But, that's a different story.
Willard Mitty shook hands with the men gathered in one of the rooms deep in the bowels of the Tampa Bay Times Forum. Mitty eyed the men in dark blue suits and red ties, the leadership of several anti-choice and other conservative groups, who were meeting back stage at the Republican Convention. "If you drive your membership to vote for me in November, you'll know you have a firm believer in the family unit and in other conservative values. I'm focused on ending Roe, and I always have been."
A staffer walked in and said, “Mr. Mitty, it's time.” The two men walked down a hallway, faint cheering getting louder with each step. They came to a short stairway leading up to the stage, the crowd noise now deafening. Willard Mitty trotted up the stairs, then sauntered out on the stage, waving to throngs of frenzied faithful, chanting "Mitty, Mitty, Mitty, not voting for him would be a pity!"
Romney looked up and saw David Gregory sitting across from him. "Mitt, how do you explain your change in position on abortion,” Gregory asked, sitting behind the wide table on the set of Meet The Press. “What about your flip-flops on climate change and President Obama's healthcare bill? Take a look at this video," Gregory said. "How do you respond to the charge that you are a flip-flopper?"
It's pretty clear that Romney's conservative delusions of grandeur are not working. Exit polls in Florida last night found that 41% of GOP voters believe Romney is not conservative enough. And perhaps even more important: for all the focus paid by the GOP over the past three years to defeating President Obama in 2012, in Florida, that focus did not translate into Republican votes. In Florida in 2008, 1,946,498 people turned out to vote in the Republican primary. Last night in Florida, 1,663,698 Republicans voted.
The remaking of Willard Mitt Romney - Secret Conservative, is far from over. If he is to win the nomination – and I think he eventually will – he'll need to continue his conservative charade for many more months. Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul nipping at his heals, not to mention Tea Party Republican chicanery, assure this.
Meanwhile, Democrats are all too willing to let the secret out of the bag about Willard Mitt Romney: secret conservative, secret moderate, well known flip-flopper. When his campaign is able to focus exclusively on Obama, Romney will actually be running against three men: his former moderate self, his newer conservative self, and President Obama.
Willard Mitty glared in the direction of President Obama, then looked out over the crowd gathered for the Presidential debate. Both men stood behind their respective dais. Moderator Chris Matthews cleared his throat, then spoke. “Mr. Mitty, you've been the conservative standard bearer of your party since running for Governor of Massachusetts in 1994, and your positions on major conservative issues – abortion, gun control, immigration, et cetera - remain unchanged since then. What would be the first issue you'd address, if you became president?” With an slight, self-assured smile that just barely parted his lips, Willard Mitty cocked his head slightly, then faced the crowd. The chesty Willard Mitty. Quintessential conservative.