Oh the hilarity, it burns. The GOP primary fight has been full of laughter and tears but it is coming to a close soon. There have been highlights and lowlights for every contestant in this year's competition yet ratings seem to be down from previous seasons. One wonders which celebrity judge will be brought on to spike ratings during Sweeps Week.
Super Tuesday is nigh upon us and many Republican insiders hope that the day will be the final round of "Republican Idol: The Search for Curly's Gold". As the contenders battle it out for supremacy, we in the Liberal Blogosphere™ contentedly watch with pocorn in hand.
Of course, some hope that the party will take a page from Survivor and bring Jeb Bush, Sarah Palin, or Chris Christie back from Redemption Island. That unlikely move would not come until summer when the party holds the live season finale in Tampa, FL. As any good television producer will tell you, keeping the audience in suspense is the secret to ratings gold.
Who will win? It is anybody's guess at this point but the Super Tuesday episode could put the doubt to rest with a strong performance by any of the remaining contestants. As the season winds down to a close, I thought it would be a good time to look back at the remaining contestants' best and worst.
Follow the squigglies for the key moments leading into the Super Tuesday episode of "Republican Idol" ...
The Favorites
Mitt Romney
"I'm happy to learn that after I speak you're going to hear from Ann Coulter. That's a good thing. I think it's important to get the views of moderates."
"I'm not a big-game hunter. I've made that very clear. I've always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will."
Clearly Romney is still having trouble with his messaging. He gets into trouble when moving off script. This tendency will come back to bite him in the ass if he can't squeeze a majority of delegates out of Super Tuesday.
Romney was the odds on favorite coming into the competition but his many verbal gaffes have voters wondering whether he can really be a recording star.
Best Performance: Channeling Costanza
This reviewer had a very difficult time deciding which of Romney's performances deserved the title of best. Romney's performances have been, as judge Randy Jackson has said, "a little pitchy dog". The Costanza moment barely beat out Romney's a capella version of every stanza of "America, The Beautiful".
Worst Performance: The Ford Field Fumble
The candidate's home state reunion tour finished not with a bang but a whimper as he played to a nearly empty stadium. What the campaign hoped to be a standing room only crowd instead became a bad photo op as all media outlets focused on row upon row of empty seats. This performance will also be remembered as the "Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs actually" improvised solo.
Rick Santorum
"A month ago they didn't know who we are, but they do now."
"It’s shocking. Obviously prayers go out to (Andrew Breitbart) and his family. What a powerful force…what a huge loss for our country."
The latest Not-Romney to emerge from the shadows may have the best chance of unseating the favorite. While many others have tried to overshadow Romney as the "True Conservative" with varying effect, Santorum seems to have some sticking power.
There are still questions about the Senator's ability to survive Super Tuesday's voting. Many consider him a poor man's version of a Michelle Bachmann or Rick Perry, who started the contest with strong backing but had trouble following up with a second hit performance.
Best Performance: Stop Romney! Come Vote For Me
The sweater-vested crooner has offered up a mixed bag of performances. He was able to fly under the radar during the early rounds by delivering mild fare that merely didn't flop as badly as some of his opponents. His best to date was an attempt to churn up support among Michigan Dems.
Worst Performance: JFK speech made me want to throw up
This little ditty might have scored a few points with the wingnuts in the audience but it missed the mark with the judges. Like Romney, Santorum needs some help staying on message while improvising live.
The Dark Horses
Newt Gingrich
"I believe we are now in a struggle over whether or not we are going to save America."
“We should replace bilingual education with immersion in English so people learn the common language of the country and they learn the language of prosperity, not the language of living in a ghetto.”
Best Performance: Fly Me To the Moon
Gingrich does best when sticking to cover songs. The claim that we would have a permanent base on the moon by the end of his second term echoed both Kennedy and Sinatra. Look for Gingrich to stick to prepared remarks as his original stuff doesn't seem to resonante with viewers.
Worst Performance: Food Stamp President
What was intended as song parody turned into a window into the soul of the contestant. Gingrich was blasted for the performance as well as his choice to don blackface. As with any performance during this year's contest, the song had some defenders and Gingrich was saved from elimination by the wingnut vote.
Ron Paul
"I would not support Roe v. Wade but I certainly am absolutely opposed to the federal government funding abortion."
"I miss the closet. Homosexuals, not to speak of the rest of society, were far better off when social pressure forced them to hide their activities."
Paul has a loyal fan base that has kept him in the competition long after many thought he should have been eliminated. Paul relies on a signature sound that may not appeal to a larger audience but, to his fans, he can do no wrong. Look for him to stick to original material through the finale. He doesn't seem to like GOP cover songs.
Best Performance: No War With Iran
Every once in a while, Paul comes through with a crystal clear song that reaches out beyond his core base. The song was roundly booed by his Republican audience but it demonstrated why some love his unique musical stylings.
Worst Performance: Bring Back the Gold Standard
This is the one standard that Paul trots out during performances. Granted, it is a standard from the 19th century and it seems to fall flat with many of today's viewers. But, like most of Paul's renditions, there is a strong contingent who believes that everything he does is perfection incarnate.
The Judges' Take on the Season Finale
Need I say more?