This week's revelation of Mitt Romney's bullying behaviors in high school triggered memories from my own teenage years. I am the survivor of bullying -- daily, oppressive, incessant bullying for the crime of being smart. Describing myself as a "survivor" is not exaggeration or hyperbole; it is the sort of experience that changes a person forever.
By listening to the life stories around me, it seems that many people graduate from their high school years with lifelong friendships. Through the bond of shared experiences and mutual trust, communities are nurtured and support is offered in times of stress and pain. We share fun and laughter with our friends, and perhaps come to find the true meaning of our lives.
Bullying strips all of this away. Bullies accumulate power by publicly stealing the power of others. They use physical intimidation and assault to maintain that power. They emotionally abuse others when physical attacks are impractical or problematic. The victims of this abuse withdraw from the pain to protect themselves: initially withdrawing from the bullies, but eventually withdrawing from those around the bully that enable the abuse by not doing anything to stop it.
Victims of bullying lose faith in people. We avoid building new friendships or intimate relationships out of fear of being an unsuspecting target of another hazing. We come to expect the worst of others.
I was an exceptionally smart child. I'm an exceptionally smart adult. I know that this God-given gift has enabled me to achieve many professional successes. But to this day, my strongest memories are not the moments of triumph or achievement or love or contentment. But I can remember in photographic detail being clotheslined during lunch in 7th grade, punched in the face, ostracized in a lunch room, mocked, ignored.
Because I was different.
Through all of it, the adults responsible for my public school education did nothing. I can remember my gym teacher calling me by the same insulting nicknames given me by the bullies. I can remember guidance counselors changing my class schedule and putting me in the same classes as my bullies.
It's been over 20 years since any of these events took place. This is the first time I have felt compelled to share any of it with another person. Why? Because when I read the details of Mitt Romney's behavior with a pair of scissors and a crying boy, I cannot forget my own tears. The network of friends that surrounds and enables a bully may find remorse and empathy as they mature, but the bully at the core of the rotten apple does not change. They are motivated by a narcissistic need for power, control, and dominion over others.
Now I know that Mitt Romney is a bully. I say to Mitt Romney: fuck you. I know little to nothing about John Lauber, the victim documented in this recent news brouhaha, but I will bet you my life savings that his is not the only soul forever marred by Mitt.
Bullying in America is worse than it's ever been in our history. I am fortunate that I grew up before the days of Columbine and school metal detectors, and I am terrified at what awaits my son when he reaches school age. I read stories of children assassinating their peers, and struggle to imagine what amount of pain they endured to come to believe that murder/suicide was the only path available for them in life. I make no apologies for the murderers in these tragic episodes, but we cannot hide from the reality that we allow bullying to happen.
I survived my abuse because one teacher saw through to my true potential. She offered me an alternative story for my life. It takes much less than you think to save a person; it just takes giving a damn. I still struggle with making friends, and live in the shadow of a bully that left my life many years ago. I doubt that he has much memory of me, as I am not his only victim.
This is the true nature of Mitt Romney.