This diary contains a troubling account of animal abuse witnessed by me. It has a somewhat positive outcome; however, it may be too much for some people to take and I completely understand that. My purpose for sharing the story here is to receive feedback, advice, and hopefully kindness to help fill a heart that was broken because of this terrible incident. I need it. It was a life-changing event for me in ways that I’m sure I do not fully realize myself given that it happened only a few days ago. So here goes. I went away for a long weekend last Thursday...
The purpose of the trip was to take my elderly mother to her home state to visit her family for what could be the last time given her advanced age. In what was surely one of those desperate attempts to revisit (if not recreate) a childhood memory, I rented a place at a lake where we had vacationed as a family over 30 years ago. There is a reason they say “you can’t go home again” and whoever they are - they are right. The sun-filled adventures of my youth seemed out of my grasp and I found myself feeling quite melancholy pretty soon after I had unpacked my suitcase. Still – the weather and the lake was beautiful and I certainly wanted to make the absolute most of these four days with my mother. We had a great dinner and got a good night’s rest.
The next morning, I wanted to make a big breakfast for everyone and I realized I needed coffee filters for the coffee maker so I told everyone I would be back in a few minutes and headed down the rural county road towards the little gas station I had seen along with way. Old farmhouses spaced miles apart were outside my window, along with pastures with cows and horses. It was a lovely morning. As I drove, my attention was drawn to a black cow running in an unusual way inside a corral. As my vehicle got closer, I could see the cow had an injured leg and was limping and running away from a man. The man was chasing the cow with a large board like an old 2 x 4 piece of lumber. It was approximately 5’ in length. The man had on boots and was slipping and sliding in the mud as he chased the cow and repeatedly beat it with the board. I was stunned and I drove to the first commercial building I saw and went in to ask for help. I was met with blank stares and no one offered any type of assistance. It was one of those Twilight Zone moments where you actually wonder if you have somehow become invisible. I ran back to my car and went to another store further down the road. Again – same complete indifference from people. I was desperate, so I got back into my car and went back to the location of the corral.
As I approached, I could see the same man I had seen before on the ground with his arm furiously going up and down beating the same cow (now on the ground too) with some sort of board or club. He appeared to me to be completely enraged and was beating the cow unmercifully. He stood up out of breath and looked at me momentarily. All I can remember is that his eyes looked like black holes in his head. I considered how long it would take me to get across the road and over the fence and into the corral with him. I had a terrifying primal feeling welling up in my chest and I wanted to get my hands on him, but I was so upset that I had begun to hyperventilate and felt like I was going to pass out. Just then I realized that I was watching my hands and arms sliding off the steering wheel no matter how hard I tried to grip it. All of my strength was completely gone and I was losing control of my limbs because I was over-breathing. I was weaving all over the road and nearly crashed into an elementary school that was the only building I could see in the area. After numerous attempts to use my useless arms and hands, I finally got a call into 911 and begged for help. They said they would call Animal Control and get back to me. I then staggered into the school and told the lady at the front desk that I was from out of town and that I was ill and needed to sit down. I wanted someone to at least have something to go on if I did black out. I also told her what I had seen at the neighboring farmhouse. “The man in the house down the road is beating a cow to death.” She quietly said she “never heard anything like it” and just stared at me. She never rose from her chair, never asked if I needed a phone or a tissue and she quietly went back to the work at her desk while I sat in the lobby and went into a million pieces.
Finally, my legs stopped shaking enough for me to stand and I left the school and got back into my car. Obviously, I still had not gotten the coffee filters and my ten minute trip had become some kind of timeless nightmare. I had no idea how long I had been gone and I knew my Mom would be wondering what had happened to me. I also knew I could not tell my 90 year old mother what had happened, so I gathered myself and drove back in the direction of the horrible scene and blocked my line of vision with my hand so I could drive past and get to the store. I called back to the lake and told my uncle what happened and told him I’d be back as soon as I could.
After paying for my things, I asked the clerk for the local phone book and I stood there in the store and began to dial every f*cking agency I could find that might have something to do with animals. I even called the USDA and got through to a very nice man named Bill who actually gave me five minutes to try to talk me down. Being from the USDA he was not super warm and fuzzy about farm animals, but he was at least human to me and said he was sorry I had seen the attack. I told him that I was aware that there were different standards of care for livestock and that what might be viewed by some as rough treatment, was not necessarily considered so on a farm. I know many people will not agree with that statement, and I don't know what I think about anything anymore given what I have just seen, but I was trying to say I’m realistic and I know that certain animals are herded with sticks or prods, but I wanted him to know that what I had witnessed was not in that category. I told him as far as I was concerned - a brutal murder had taken place that very day on a quiet county road in plain sight of traffic going by.
Finally, well over an hour after I had left, I pulled back up to the lake, put my game face on and went in to cook breakfast for the family. I felt like I was no longer in my body. A few hours later a rep from the Humane Society called me and I recounted the events to him. Two deputies and an animal control officer went to the man’s house where he was (and I quote) “beside himself” that he had been reported to the authorities. Miraculously, the cow had survived his attack; however it had multiple injuries and was taken to the vet at the man’s expense. This was apparently the first time he had ever been reported. The animal control officer said he still seemed to be quite enraged during their visit, but they did not believe his lies and said he would need to comply with anything they asked of him or he would be charged under State law.
Yesterday, I received a follow-up call letting me know that this is an active investigation and that this barbarian will continue to be monitored for years to come. I know you are probably thinking the same thing I did – why not take all his animals away now? But – I guess it doesn’t work that way if it’s a first offense. And - what about all those frantic visits I made in and out of the stores and the school with the seemingly vacant people? Well – the animal control officer said everyone up and down that quiet county road knows what the man did and is now watching his every move, including the lady in the school office who was interviewed by the deputies. I imagine children will overhear their parents talk about this and will look at him from school bus windows. I hope so.
I could go on, because this has changed who I am. I’m not sure what it means. It made me consider whether I could strangle someone with my bare hands. It’s an odd, visceral feeling unlike anything I’ve ever had in my life and it’s scary. I’m thankful that I was too weak to get out of the car because I think it’s safe to say I would not be writing this diary if I had.
I’ll end by saying that I truly did all I could that morning and it helps me in some way to say that here. The man may not realize it, but he and I are now linked for life. I am back home, but I hope he knows there is someone who will be thinking about him every day and when he thinks no one is watching him, somehow they will be - even from this far away. At some random point in time like, say… four years, three months and five days, he may just get a knock on his door again. The bastard.