Will you be the light of someone's world today? Or will you be an ANGRY STORM OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION? Either way bring me back a sandwich.
Basically, at 3 years of age, I crawled into a nursery rhyme and never left. It's only grown darker and more perverse with time.
Expert advice: You know you’re gonna get stabbed at a strip club if dudes are tipping waitresses with Newports.
Life is about perspective. For example. The lobsters in the kitchen of the Titanic were ecstatic when it sank.
Somewhere Jerry Sandusky sits thinking, "If only I had been a Catholic priest."
If you're drinking a Starbucks coffee while complaining about paying $3.75 for a gallon of gas, you should have your license revoked.
Whitey wiped out native Americans then, in reverence, kept their long ass names for lakes.
There are people currently training for the "World Series of Rock Paper Scissors", in case you thought your life was pointless.
Delusions are awesome. So much better than reality.