A source inside the Romney campaign has revealed that the campaign has once again run out of whole cloth. This is the third time that the campaign has run out of its supply of whole cloth, which is usually kept in an undisclosed location thought to be in either the Caymans, Bermuda or Luxembourg. Some, however, believe that the whole cloth is dispersed among all three of those locations.
Five Friday Appearances Blamed
The latest shortage was caused by Romney's unprecedented Friday appearance on five networks to assure the American people that he had nothing to do with Bain from 1999-2002. The source noted, "We thought we were OK on whole cloth through at least the Convention, but this past week has been a nightmare. Sure, we're used to the weekly supply required to provide material for Steve Benen's Friday Chronicling Mitt's Mendacity, but Bain-1999-2002-Gate caught us completely off-guard."
Adelson, Friess, likely funders of new shipments
According to another source in the Romney campaign, appeals have gone out to Sheldon Adelson, Foster Friess and Donald Trump to fund additional acquisition of whole cloth. Adelson and Friess will likely come through, but Trump is holding out until Romney agrees that the cloth will be derived from receiving blankets made in Kenya.
The source noted that time is of the essence, because once the whole cloth is ready, there is substantial lag time during which Karl Rove and Eric Ferhstrom must make Romney's lies out of the cloth. "Duplicity doesn't come quickly or cheap," said an Americans for Prosperity spokesperson.
Homework-Eating-Dog Supply Also Imperiled
Also in dwindling supply for the Romney campaign is its pack of homework-eating-dogs. It was initially thought that the pack loaned by the students of the Joseph Smith Middle School in Panguitch, Utah would be sufficient, but the volume of 12 years of tax returns (including all schedules) overwhelmed the unfortunate pooches. One Labrador, assigned to the carried interest schedule for 2008, simply could not digest the fifteen percent rate and had to be taken to the vet. Then, over the weekend, a Bichon Frise regurgitated statements made by Ed Gillespie that Romney "retroactively retired."
After protests from ASPCA and PETA, the campaign may have to re-evaluate its entire excuse making strategy.