From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
A Mid-Summer Truce
I admit it. I have written things on this blog that have been unkind to Republicans.
Twice, in fact, according to my memory. I called them "ninnies" in 2007, and "mouth poopers" in 2010. Though factually accurate, in hindsight I regret that they were offended by the tone of my comments.
My hastily-dug tunnel. The plants
are from my neighbor's yard.
To atone for my incivility, yesterday I reached across the ideological divide. As we occasionally do when events call for a smidgeon of calm in the midst of our planet's destruction, we donned our chiffon tri-corn hat and tunneled under the right-wing blogosphere's electrified fence and alligator-filled moat in search of common ground. We searched high and low for comments on right-wing blogs that perhaps---
perhaps---we can all agree on. I'm pleased to say that we were successful, and we're happy to post these deep and abiding truths from the blogobunkers of our conservative fellow Americans:
Nobody denies that successful businesses have benefited from government services.
Upon my arrival in Righty Blogistan I was
greeted by a delegate from Instapundit.
I don’t answer to requests made by drooling idiots.
If it weren’t for George Washington there would never have been a George Washington Bridge to/from New York City. Think about that!!
Going off topic is an injustice.
Encourage Americans to read Obama's books.
I think I’ll change my name to tootiepatootie…just sayin’…just sayin There is no point to this. I’m just really, really hot. Heat makes you crazy.
It’s nice to be good looking but stupidity and bias can ruin them in a second.
I believe in the second amendment but let’s not forget that at the time the US Constitution was written they couldn’t conceive of 100 round magazines or even fully automatic weapons.
Before I left I scrawled this note with my toe. Moments
later, an eyeless shrimp washed up in a glob of oil.
Please don’t threadjack.
Stupid people are everywhere.
Make sure you don’t miss the New American Wing of the MFA Boston Museum of Fine Arts.
I’d like to get me sum money…
Have a nice day.
November can’t come too soon.
Indeed. And Amen. It should be noted, however, that conservative bloggers haven't reached out to our side like I did to theirs. And that's okay. They can't help it if they're a bunch of great big [
Redacted…with love].
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 26, 2012
Note: Today's C&J is paired with a 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild Jeroboam. Please deposit $144,000 and then place your glass under your little USB hole thingy.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next full moon: 6
Days 'til the Tweed River Music Festival in Stockbridge, Vermont: 8
Percent of voters who have a positive and negative view, respectively, of Mitt Romney: 35%, 40%
(Source: NBC News-Wall Street Journal poll)
Percent of gun owners who support requiring criminal background checks of anyone purchasing a gun: 74%
(Source: Mayors Against Illegal Guns survey)
Year during which Amtrak exceeded 30 million passengers: 2011
(Source: AP)
Odds of two people getting a hole in one on the same hole at the same time, as Mainers Matt Parker and Travis Ferrante did last week: 17 million to 1
(Source: ABC News)
Year in which pole-vaulter Bob Richards became the first Olympic athlete to appear on a box of Wheaties: 1958
(Source: Parade)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
His entire first eight months was tax cuts for the rich, tax cuts for the rich, tax cuts for the rich, and he lied and said the tax cuts would help average Americans. Again and again, the "average" tax cut would be $1,000. That means you get $100 and the millionaire gets $92,000, and that's how they "averaged" it out. Then came 9/11, and we all rallied. Ready to give blood, get out of our cars and ride bicycles, whatever. Shop, said the president. And more tax cuts for the rich.
---November, 2003
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Dog days
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Romney WISHES he could
attract this kind of crowd
CHEERS to a rough road ahead. Remember when Democratic candidate Barack Obama went to Europe in 2008 to burnish his foreign policy credentials…and he made history by attracting
a massive crowd in Berlin? That was amazing. Well, Republican candidate Mitt Romney is in Europe now, burnishing his credentials by tossing around meaningless blather and posing for awkward photo ops with various muckety mucks. But it won’t be all business. We hear he plans to enjoy a candlelit dinner for two--just him and his Swiss bank account.
CHEERS to pulling strings for equality. This boycott against the anti-gay Chik-fil-A fast food chain is getting bizarre. On one side you've got the gays and the Muppets, and on the other side you've got the bigots and the sock puppets. For what it's worth, my money's on the side that has the pig with the purse and the black belt in karate.
JEERS to the Spartacus School of Debate. Today's topic: Who invented the internet? Aaaaaand…GO:
"I invented the internet!" "No, I invented the internet!" "No, I invented the internet!" "No, I invented the internet!" "No, I invented the internet!" "No, I invented the internet!" "No, I invented the internet!"
And the winner is: as usual these days, it's a tie between
the truth on the left and revisionist history on the right, both of which you'll find conveniently available on the internet for use in debating who invented the internet. Glad we cleared that up.
When the GOP had compassion
Bush signs the ADA
CHEERS to compassionate conservatism. Twenty two years ago, President George H.W. Bush signed the
Americans with Disabilities Act. He didn't want anything to stand between his son and the White House.
JEERS to eff'ing cancer. As if we needed more proof that life isn’t fair. Fans of MSNBC host Ed Schultz learned last night that he's taking a "prolonged absence" from both his TV and radio show to care for his wife who just went through surgery for ovarian cancer. We hope they caught it early enough and that whatever post-surgery treatment Wendy Schultz goes through kicks the remaining cancer cells into the middle of next week. On second thought, kick 'em into the middle of next Monday morning---that's even worse.
CHEERS to climbing aboard the crazy train. On July 26, 1788, New York's delegation ratified the U.S. Constitution in Poughkeepsie. But not before there was a brief conversation in the cloak room:
Delegate 1: Are you sure that we should not insist upon inclusion of some kind of balanced budget amendment in here? For the sake of our union and in the spirit of shared sacrifice, so that nothing is left on or off the table and we may all partake in the bounty of such a grand bargain?
Delegate 2: What, are you nuts? That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard. No one will ever be so stupid as to try and put that insanity into the Constitution! Whoever makes the attempt is dumb. Dumb, I tell you. Dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumbeth and dumber!
Delegate 1: So, uh, would this be a bad time, then, to bring up amendments banning flag-burning and gay marriage?
Delegate 2: Lay off the grog, kid. You're startin' to weird me out.
After ratification they celebrated by overturning a bunch of carriages in Jersey.
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Five years ago in C&J: July 26, 2007
JEERS to natural gas. Because the precious vapor couldn’t pull its weight in sales, ExxonMobil was only able to post second-quarter profits of 10.3 billion dollars. In response, their stock price fell. Even worse, their executives' golf scores rose.
JEERS to Terror Thursday! A strange envelope containing a strange white powder shows up at ABC News! The building is evacuated, but it may be too late! The powder is analyzed and identified as...[Shriek!!!] ... aspirin. I guess the White House should've heeded the latest PDB: "Bin Laden Determined to Thin Americans' Blood."
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And just one more…
"If this launch pad's a rockin'..."
CHEERS to finding true (state-mandated-under-penalty-of-forced-labor) love. Aww, don’t ya just love it when ruthless dictators get twitterpated? That's the big story coming out of North Korea, where Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un
married Ri Sol-Ju after realizing that his biological clock was
ticking ticking ticking. Her present to him: pearl cufflinks and a Netflix account. His present to her: the launch of a test rocket that'll explode seconds after liftoff. [
Sniff] Pass the tissues.
Have a nice Thursday and suchlike. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Tea Party Congressman Calls Bill in Portland Maine "Numb Nuts"
---Think Progress
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