From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Time once again to play History: Cruel…or Kind?
Round 1
In the wake of the Supreme Court's favorable ruling on Obamacare, Mississippi Tea Party chairman Roy Nicholson freaks out, accuses the government of treason, and suggests open rebellion is in order.
History will be kind because this is what conservatives and libertarians claim the Second Amendment is all about---occasionally refreshing the tree of liberty with the blood of people they perceive as tyrants.
History will be cruel because this ain't the 1950s when the biggest gun Sheriff Andy Taylor had was a standard-issue revolver with no bullets in it. Today the "proper authorities" will deal with open rebellion by comin' at ya from all sides with pepper-spray cannons, water cannons, heat cannons, soundwave cannons, tank cannons, APC cannons, chopper cannons, drone cannons, ion cannons, laser cannons, cannon cannons and cannon-wielding law enforcement agents clad in body armor that makes Darth Vader's storm troopers look like cavemen in loincloths. (And, parenthetically speaking, threatening to overthrow the government by open rebellion is, y'know, sedition.)
Verdict: History will be CRUEL. Or, more accurately, history will be laughing itself silly when police visit Roy Nicholson and find him cowering under his bed wrapped in a "Don't Tread On Me" blankey. (I hope someone remembers to take pics.)
Round 2
The Washington Post reports that, during the Romney family's summer get-togethers, "each member of the family picks a daily chore from a 'chore wheel,' so as to share cleaning tasks evenly." And at the end of the vacation, a family portrait is taken in which all the boys dress in matching outfits and all the girls dress in matching outfits.
History will be kind because the family that plays together stays together, sharing is caring, and the annual photo makes for an adorable Christmas card.
History will be cruel because Sharing chores? Dressing the same? I know communism when I see it, Mr. Romney. Or should I call you Comrade Mitt Marx Stalin Jong Il Tse-tung???
Verdict: History will be KIND. No matter what side of the ideological spectrum you're on, family vacation traditions are cool. Well, except perhaps the one that involves strapping the family dog to the roof of your station wagon. Right, Seamus? [Grrrr...]
Round 3
The United States of America turns 236.
History will be kind because when you peel away the bravado and the bullshit, we're just a bunch of big-hearted galumphs who want to eat, drink, work, make luvins and be merry.
History will be cruel because we're addicted to war, oil and greed, and one half of our political leadership is certifiably nuts.
Verdict: History will be KIND. In the words of a very wise sporting event crowd: "USA! USA! USA!"
Next week: history judges JP Morgan, hand lotion and the God Particle! Meanwhile Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Note: Here's the C&J schedule for the rest of the week: Tomorrow is our annual posting of the very first C&J from July 4, 1776. No C&J on Thursday, but we'll be back for Rum and Coke FRIDAY, at which time we'll inform you that there will be no C&J the following Monday, July 9. We understand that trusty surrogates are standing by to fill in the gaps in your C&J coverage. Thank you, Obamacare.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til The Dark Knight Rises: 17
Days 'til the Maine Potato Blossom Festival in Fort Fairfield: 11
Number of astronauts who successfully returned to Earth from the International Space Station in a Russian capsule Sunday: 3
Year during which the most named storms---five---occurred during Atlantic Hurricane Season in the month of July: 2005
(Source: The Weather Channel)
Number of the largest 100 cities in America that have a female mayor: 12
(Source: Harper's Index)
Number of permanent new jobs expected when Airbus builds its new $600 million factory in Alabama: 1,000
Blood alcohol level needed to get your creative juices flowing, according to researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago: .075%
(Source: Details)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
No more golf for you O'Dingo. The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s butt every day. O’Dingo’s days on the sunny golf courses, as Fauxtius Maximus, are numbered. Maybe Gitmo will have a special course installed… to fit in a cell.
---Commenter jsbrod at RedState
All together now: 1…2…3…
CLASSY!!!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Ugh…I have a feeling this is gonna be a loooong speech.
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CHEERS to occupying the airwaves. When Jesse LaGreca, aka Kossack MinistryOfTruth, started performing his amazing feats of rhetorical jiu-jitsu in his media appearances from Zuccotti Park last fall, we all agreed: "More like this, please!" Yesterday Jesse announced that he's rarin' to go if we're willing to help support him financially:
I want to prove that we can beat the Rush Limbaugh's of the world because we are honest, our ideas are better, we have the truth on our side and we genuinely care about our fellow human beings. Help me build a strong progressive media platform that works for all of us. So I'm asking you to make a donation to me via paypal to support my writing and activism. Any amount you can give is appreciated. Along with supporting my writing and activism you will be helping me devote time to building DailyKos Radio, and of course when my long awaited book "Americana" becomes available soon I will be glad to share it with you at no extra cost.
Let's all toss some coin his way and turn him loose on the unsuspecting GOP horde. He's worth it and then some. Click
here to read his diary and get donation info. (If you prefer a snail mail address to send cash or check, send him
a kosmail.) And by the way, in addition to sharp commentary and skullduggery-rooting-outing, we hear that Jesse will be the first broadcaster in history to send up a chopper to hover over the internet and give live web traffic reports. A pioneer is born.
CHEERS to a fortunate series of events. Overheard yesterday on my bus: "Auntie Em Auntie Em!!! Now that Obamacare has passed constitutional muster, what DOES IT ALL MEAN???!!!" Okay, full disclosure: that was actually me---I panic at inopportune moments. But my fears were quickly allayed when I read this comment from "Ed in Watertown, MA" who explains how things will likely go down in Obamacare Land based on his experience in Romneycare Land:
To all the hand wringing, all I can say is look to Massachusetts. We already have a working model of how this will play out.
1). After initial griping, and a few longer doctor’s waiting room delays as previously uninsured people hookup with their new Primary Care Physician, both patients and Doctors will become supporters.
2). Less than 2% of people will decide that they would rather pay additional taxes than get covered by health insurance.
3). Insurers will come up with a variety of different and innovative insurance plans that they will offer through the exchanges. Almost everyone will find something that they can afford that will allow them to get at least a minimum level of coverage and avoid being forced into bankruptcy by a medical emergency.
4). After the first few years, savings will start to appear as people go to their Primary Care Physician for preventative care as opposed to going to Emergency rooms, forcing the taxpayers to pay for the most expensive type of medical care.
See
his other three psychic predictions here. Like everyone else, I know this law could be better. And even though the mandate---which is like a giant Hoover money vacuum for insurance companies---makes me nervous, I'm still looking forward to watching the law take form and change our entire perspective on healthcare in this banana republic of ours. This isn't just a game-changer for our country, it's also a
brain-changer. No wonder conservative are fighting it tooth and nail.
CHEERS to being a fan of the blogosphere's #1 Obama fan. Remember Blackwaterdog, who was a one-woman cheerleading squad for the president? Her photo diaries were terrific and she caught all kinds of positive news that didn’t bubble up to the surface. After she left DKos in 2010 after one too many charges of being an "Obamabot," she opened up her own blog, but then went silent for several months. Well, Blackwaterdog is back on the O-beat, and I for one am glad to see it. When the shit gets too deep elsewhere, it's a good place to give your endorphins a kick in the pants. (Please pardon my complex medical jargon. I'm an elitist.)
CHEERS to the right man for the right job at the right time. On July 3rd, 1775, George Washington---freshly promoted to general by the constitutional mouseketeers---took command of the Continental Army in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He won some battles, lost some (okay, a lot) and suffered mightily, but had the courage, smarts and fortitude to keep his army together and eventually claim victory by bottling up old Butthead Cornwallis at Yorktown. And he did it all while wearing knee stockings. Impressive.
JEERS to the media's BFF. He possesses no particular wisdom. His rants on the Senate floor are as silly as they are shrill. A garden-variety Republican obstructionist whose top goal is to see President Obama defeated in November. Average and dull---the epitome of a politician who has overstayed his welcome. And yet John McCain is far and away the Senator that the media fawners fawn over most. I know you'll find this shocking, but…this is excellent news for John McCain.
CHEERS to the new batter on Team Gay. Sorry to break it to ya, ladies, but the day you've dreaded is finally here. Anderson Cooper has made it official: "Yes---I've always owned a toaster oven." Great. Now that the suspense has finally been terminated, maybe I can finally get some sleep. With Anderson Cooper! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!! Update: My partner Michael informs me that the preceding was not funny. C&J regrets the error.
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Seven years ago in C&J: July 3, 2005
CHEERS to just desserts. Stick a fork in him. Lightweight Tucker Carlson's new show on MSNBC sucks elephant balls on both ratings and content. Ever tried infomercials?
JEERS to a room with a, um, view. A teenage girl was in an outhouse on New Hampshire's scenic Kancamagus Highway, and noticed a man staring up at her through the hole. Gary Moody from Gardiner, Maine was treated "as if he were hazardous material" as he was extracted and arrested. When asked why he was wallowing in shit, he responded, "Because my cable's out and I can't get Fox News."
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And just one more…
FIRE IN THE HOLE! to lightin' them freedom fuses and firin' them warnin' whistlers. [BOOM!! BLAM!!! KABLOOM!!!] Thanks to the short-sightedness of our Republican-led legislature, the great state of Maine is now in the fireworks business! As of last January, citizens here in the "Highly-Flammable Pine Tree State" are able to create their own rocket's red glare in their back yards. Except the back yards in the towns (like Portland) that still ban them. And only if you're a certain age. And only during certain hours. And…it's complicated, read the pamphlet. Suffice it to say, some of our neighbors are already firing shit off their balcony, and Grampa Billy has got the cops on speed-dial. Harumph. And now please join us for our annual pre-4th C&J tradition---the blowing up of the mannequins and setting their dresses on fire with fireworks show. And then give a flag-wavin' cheer to our new state motto: "Maine: The Emergency Room Is Thataway!"
Happy Pre-Birthday Birthday, 'Murica. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
NewsBreak: Proof of 'Bill in Portland Maine particle' found
---Associated Press
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