Most criticism of the right-wing judicial activist fiction known as corporate personhood focuses on the fantastical aspects that make a mockery of law - i.e., treating something that is not a person as a person, and granting abstract institutions whose sole function is to make money the same rights as conscious, individual human beings with morals and feelings. But this is actually a highly convenient distraction from the bitter reality of an insanely criminal doctrine: All that corporate personhood really means is that rich individuals have double-rights - once as themselves, and then separately under the aegis of the profit-making institutions they own and/or operate. This is effectively a reinvention of nobility, where a person could be both an individual and an institution, straddling these statuses to grant themselves unlimited privileges relative to the general public with none of the legal responsibilities.
In fact, given the pronounced and increasing inability of governments to hold corporations legally accountable for anything - thus elevating the individuals who own and run them above the law - it may even be an understatement to interpret corporate personhood as double-rights, except in the same sense of "doublethink" (as in, both asserting their own rights and having the privilege to exempt themselves from the rights of others). But as a matter of narrative potency, it is a phrase we should all remember and repeat as often as possible under every circumstance where the subject is even remotely relevant: Double rights. "Corporate personhood" may be the descriptive title of the legal doctrine, but the political label - and also ugly reality of the consequences of that doctrine - is Double Rights for the Rich.
In the Orwellian-titled case Citizens United, five corrupt right-wing Supreme Court Justices (Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, John Roberts, and Anthony Kennedy) ruled that the rich have double rights. This ruling declared that the rich have one set of rights as individual citizens, and then an entirely separate and higher set of rights as corporations, and the vast majority of the American people who do not own corporations were thus reduced to the status of second-class citizens.
In the same way this can be articulated as a reinstitution of the noble/commoner caste system, analogies could also be drawn to segregation in that it imposes a separate-and-unequal system with one set of laws and standards for the "corporatized" - an incredibly charitable and forgiving welfare state for the rich with highly receptive and accountable politicians - and another, far more draconian and authoritarian, for the overwhelming majority of the people who are brutalized, repressed, degeneratively impoverished, or just ignored. The fact that the ruling had no basis in actual, Constitutional law should escape no one: It was simply a lawless declaration by five Republicans that the people they politically represent and upon whom they depend for funding are superbeings entitled to greater rights than everyone else, and the entire concept of equality under the law beginning with the Declaration of Independence was thus held to be null and void.
Well, as far as I'm concerned - and as far as we should insist the Democratic Party in general be concerned - the ruling was null and void the moment it was issued. We have a set of written laws codified in relatively legible English for a reason: So that panels of arrogant, corrupt oligarchs cannot simply rule that 2 + 2 = 5 and that whatever they want to be the law, is the law. Because if and when they do issue such rulings, we will simply ignore them and continue to be guided by the Constitution - not by the arbitrary and indefensible fiat of five Republicans, two of whom were appointed by an unelected, treasonous tyrant put in power by the other three.
Owning and/or operating a corporation under this standard entitles you to the following rights:
1. Pay far lower taxes than the rest of the American people, and sometimes none at all, while being insanely rich.
2. Deduct the expense of lifestyle luxuries from your taxes.
3. Bribe politicians and buy elections without limit, regulation, or oversight of any kind, and pay no taxes on the expenditure.
4. Accumulate and consolidate control of news and entertainment media with no antitrust limitations or Fairness Doctrine content restrictions until the only opinions heard are yours.
5. Receive loans, bailouts, and subsidies on favorable terms from the federal government on demand, precluding the possibility of business failure and virtually guaranteeing the success of future ventures.
6. Hire police to private security details in badge and uniform, wielding their official authority under your personal command, and giving yourself the power to arrest, violently assault, or (theoretically) murder non-corporate citizens who attempt to exercise their rights against your will - including political protest and labor unionization.
7. Win default judgments on predatory civil cases against ordinary citizens by outspending them far beyond their ability to financially compete. Can result in the criminally fraudulent foreclosure of properties, seizure of assets, and even arrest and prosecution of individuals.
8. Frequent and productive engagement with high-level political leaders on your views and interests, with the highest tier of those with Double Rights having the de facto right to directly introduce verbatim legislation into houses of Congress, and even more cheaply and frequently into state legislatures, county boards, and city councils.
9. Guaranteed nominations to high political office if sought. Just how high is never certain in any individual case, and victory is not yet assured, but you are guaranteed a government role of some kind, on some level, if you are a politically active millionaire or richer and seek it.
10. The right to commit crimes up to and including premeditated murder and treason (e.g., selling high-tech equipment to Iran) - so long as the crime is financially motivated and committed under the aegis of the corporate property - and be subject to a maximum penalty of a financial fine, most often less than the profit from the crime.
11. The most rigorous possible standards of evidence under the law if you are accused of any crime, including personal ones unrelated to business, and minimum sentences when convicted.
The following are the rights of the non-corporate citizen:
1. Free speech and assembly when not on company property or within earshot of a political leader or person with Double Rights, provided you are not causing a public disturbance and/or expressing opinions contrary to authority, and assuming the authorities have agreed to give you all associated permits. This authorization can be summarily terminated if your demonstration becomes too popular or vocal, and all participants therein may be pepper sprayed, shot with rubber bullets, tasered, beaten with clubs, tear gased, shot in the head with tear gas canisters, attacked with police dogs, attacked with police cars, shot with live ammunition, hog-tied, arrested, thrown in a cell without access to food, water, medical supplies, or legal contact for days, and charged with whatever police feel like, at their discretion and for any reason. You may also be fired by your employer for exercising this right, denied service at any commercial location, evicted by your landlord, harassed by police on future occasions, and your name entered into a criminal database that will be available to all future prospective employers, landlords, police, and personal enemies.
2. The right to emergency triage healthcare where you will be prioritized according to insurance status and the money in your pockets. When and if every Double Righted person with a bee sting or a headache is taken care of, your gunshot wounds, severed limbs, and/or exploding internal organs will be addressed by the cheapest and most negligent means available.
3. The right to use those drugs which have been effectively monetized by the Double Righted - e.g., alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, and pharmaceuticals - but to be spied upon without limit, violently arrested or even murdered by police, your property seized, and your entire family incarcerated for decades in a maximum-security facility with rapists and murderers if you are found with a certain quantity of a non-authorized substance. Double Righters who are found with these substances, no matter in what quantity, will be permitted to go on a two-month vacation to a private rehab center with nightly luaus and Michelin-starred catering. Everyone else will be butt-raped by the Aryan Brotherhood in Leavenworth for 15 years.
4. The right to do anything that serves the interests of the Double Righted, and nothing that does not. Consult your employer for details. E.g., in many states you may leech off of union contracts without paying union dues (so-called "Right to Work" laws) because this serves the interests of the corporations seeking to destroy those unions, but this privilege does not extend to organizations that corporations do not want to see eliminated - for example, you are not legally entitled to shop at Costco without being a club member, or to golf at a members-only country club without joining and paying membership fees, etc. Only labor unions are subject to this legalized theft.
5. The right to wait in line to vote, and possibly even have your vote counted. Wait times and the likelihood of votes being counted vary depending on race, socioeconomic demographics, and the Party of the person running the election system. White upper-middle-class: A few minutes, high likelihood of being counted. Poor black people, inner-city, with State run by Republicans: Several hours up to infinity, with significant possibility of vote being thrown out. The Double-Righted get to vote twice, once in some immaculate polling station of their rich communities with effectively no wait time and zero chance of being challenged, and earlier by buying elections, bribing politicians, and threatening employees who vote the other way.
6. The right to seek a tiny amount of public assistance if you are totally destitute, provided you meet a litany of conditions, for a limited time, and with the extreme hatred and contempt of the Double Righted - especially the ones who are themselves on welfare paid for with your tax money and the cuts to your pay and benefits.
7. The right to bear arms, so long as you don't bear them against the Double Righted. Since the Double Righted own gun manufacturers, live in gated communities or estates with armed guards, and can afford both a lot more guns, a lot bigger guns, and a lot of mercenaries to wield them on their behalf against any mere mortal who might resist them, they're not afraid of you. Racial minorities found in possession of firearms or suspected of possessing them are subject to summary execution by police or nearby white landowners, but their families may get a considerable civil settlement in court if the shooters are sloppy about arranging the evidence.
Anyway, the key point to remember is that "corporate personhood", while an absurd doctrine with a lot of resentment in our own political sphere, just sounds weird to most people and doesn't inspire much in the way of passion. However, if we come to instead use the term Double Rights - which is both more obvious, punchier, and more inspiring of outrage - we could make that doctrine and all legislation, policies, and political figures associated with it a lot more toxic in public perception. This is how we educate people about corporate personhood: Double Rights. In fact, don't even say the former - just say Double Rights. Republicans give the rich Double Rights. We believe in equality under the law. Stop trying to give the rich Double Rights, you evil, thieving bastards. And so on.