WASHINGTON, DC –Snark News International – In a sudden and almost cataclysmic burst, tens of thousands of marriages across the United States were destroyed. In what one formerly married woman described as a "devastating and horrible shock that came out of nowhere!"
All across the country the dead remains of thousands of marriages litter the countryside. In malls and workplaces along the roadside and in the countryside lie the confused remnants of previously stable and happy marriages.
"I was driving in my car with, who was my wife at the time and the suddenly there was this noise like a thousand demons from hell and then next thing I know our marriage was destroyed,lying in a smoking heap in the back seat" explained Roger Murphy outside of Philadelphia.
For others the destruction was not quite as dramatic. "I was at work and I was typing and suddenly my wedding ring just disappeared," explained Martha Jameson of Baltimore. "And I was thinking 'that's odd, I need to call my husband' and then I was thinking, 'I don't have a husband anymore. I don't think I am married.' Suddenly the whole office just erupted into some sort of confusion."
Officials have come under attack for their slow response, but some have defended the President and legislators saying that they too were dealing with the consequences of a recently and instantly destroyed marriage.
Some had warned that the very existence of marriage in the US was in danger, due to the Supreme Court overturning the Defense of Marriage Act and refusing to rule on Proposition 8, effectively legalizing gay marriage in California. "It is difficult to perceive how extending the rights and privileges of marriage to everyone regardless of their sexual orientation could in any way damage the institution of marriage. Allowing people who truly love each other to be married seems to only strengthen marriage."
Still the mystery remains, what has destroyed marriages across the land?
Experts has been called in to see what could have caused the forceful and instantaneous destruction of the entire institution of marriage in America. FEMA Director Craig Fugate has rapidly dispatched teams of aid workers, as has the Department of Justice.
One legal expert explained, "As marriage, as it relates to the government is a legal document it makes sense that the DOJ would intervene to see what is to be done with all these destroyed marriages."
One woman, through tears exclaimed, "I just don’t understand, why am I not married anymore? My husband and I love each other, isn’t that enough? How could some sort of outside mysterious unexplained phenomena cause mine and thousands of other stable marriages, based on love and trust, just be destroyed by something so nebulous?"
Officials continue to search for answers, but for now, the institution of marriage in the US lies in ruins, a shambles of the once sacred institution literally left dying on the side of the road.
Note: This is a re-posting of an old diary of mine, with some minor changes