...the Shutdown Edition.
Otis and Evan have invited the Countess and Miss Merrydew to their cabin. Kelly the cat is along to chaperone. Because a time-cell is involved, the journey along the corridors of the Mauretania is taking longer than expected. But isn't it for just such situations, i.e. impeded time travel and GOP Groundhog Day re-runs, that we have the orange antimacassar? Solutions, at least to the GOP re-run problem, await below. Actually it's one solution but who's counting. And Otis and Evan can wait.
Sometimes truth is stranger than friction. And fiction too. So that's when it's time to roll-out, "FSRP: Fictional Solutions to Real Problems." These are things that might just work but probably won't be given the chance. Mainly because some of them would require amending the U.S. Constitution. But hey, I can dream, can't I? As long as I include the snark tag, I think I'm OK.
Problem one: The unquenchable appetites of the super-rich.
What do you do when you have all you need? If you're one of the super-rich, the answer is simple: try to get more. And if that's not enough? The next step is to try to maximize the misery of everybody else. That's where we are right now. Seeing the suffering of the 99% is the 1%'s bread and butter. Their cake and candy too.
The founders of this country were aware of the 1%-ers of their society: the titled class of England. So the writers of the U.S. Constitution made sure to sidestep that problem by prohibiting hereditary titles for U.S. citizens. But a funny thing happened in England. Instead of abolishing the nobility, England tamed the nobility. They steered the nobility into (mostly) harmless and (somewhat) productive activities such as hosting the village picnic, opening flower shows, cutting ribbons, and decorating the box seats at the opening of the opera.
"So jabney," you ask, "Are you proposing we give titles to people just because they are rich?"
Nope. I'm proposing we do it the old fashioned way: sell titles to the highest bidders.
For how much?
Enough to pay off the national debt. And to fund current social programs 75 years into the future. Sort of like the Post Office is already required to do with its pension obligations.
What about earning a title through good works?
Only in extremely limited numbers. I'm talking numbers per state less than the number of death row inmates that are actually executed in that state in a given year. So a title in a non-killing state would be more prestigious than a title in, say, Texas.
And prestige is what titles, and the ability to put a boot in someone's face, are all about.
Might sound a little far-fetched. But think about it. If the Kochs and Waltons of this country could get their jollies by being addressed as, "Your Lordship," then maybe they'd get their collective boot off the collective face of the 99%. Or at least not grind the boot in with such fervor.
As long as the current GOP shutdown tactic continues, Otis and Evan may find that it's taking a long time to get where they're going. But I'm ticked off, so they'll have to wait.
...
PS, As for the theater where I volunteer, while there's a lot of anticipation for Rickie Lee Jones's show in a week and a half, I'm also looking forward to this weekend with Vienna Teng:
Ms Teng will be the first performer to play the theater's recently re-built Yamaha 9' grand. And that's pretty grand.