The hospital remains shut down today as the Radical Surgeons continue to agitate for mass excision to cure the cancers plaguing their patients. “We may have been voted out of power by the patients, but we got enough votes to maintain control of the main circuit breakers, and we decided to switch them off until the Silver Bullets let us get back to cutting the evil out of our patients,” said Max Carver, leader of the RS party. The shutdown has been ongoing for seven days now, with only the circuit breakers to critical areas remaining on.
In response, the Silver Bullet leader Mab Brodie called the RS faction “a bunch of sadistic fascists.” He went on to point out that radical excision had not been shown to be effective, and that silver bullets were going to do more with less pain resulting to the patient. “We can’t keep using the same old techniques, we need to adapt and expand our repertoire.”
Some people have criticized the Silver Bullets, especially over their failed folate injection policies. One patient complained, “Leukemia is bad enough, but now they’re injecting children with strange chemicals! The chemicals didn’t even help, it just caused an even more rapid and excruciatingly painful death! Frankly, I think the Silver Bullets are a bunch of sadistic fascists.” The Silver Bullets claim that they will offer a wide variety of chemicals for patients to choose from, and this will lead to improved patient outcomes. All that can be certain is that after decades of debate, little progress has been made in dealing with cancer.
In Cardiology, the Exsanguinators remain firmly in control, while the Fitness Freaks continuing to push a largely unpopular regime involving broccoli and sweat. One fringe doctor pushed a wire through his arm into his heart and was promptly fired for being difficult to deal with. A committee later considered giving him the Nobel Prize for the interesting concept, but decided that he wasn’t popular enough.