Here we are, just days away
From an epic financial disaster.
We're feeling quite excited,
Oh why can't time go faster!
If you think we're getting nervous, you better think again.
We see our nation defaulting as a major political win.
Some say our arrogance and incompetence pose a serious danger.
But we don’t see it that way,
For us this is a triumphant game changer!
Our tactics have no precedent
And some may call it treasonous,
But we think its a great new way
To undermine the President.
Take a look at our record
It’s very plain to see,
It’s never about what’s fiscally sound
But all about our ideology.
Would we shut down the Government?
In a minute!
It’s the will of the people, just look at the last election….
What’s that you say? We didn't win it?
Not the Presidency?
Not the Senate?
Just a small House majority?
Never mind that,
We’ll still consider it a total victory.
If elections don’t go our way,
We can do more than just gerrymander.
We can just say “Nay!”
To nominations, legislation and even basic budget tasks.
Would we shut down the Government? Do you even need to ask?
Obstruction, extortion and selfish political games,
Isn't that the American Way?
Would we really let the country default?
Faster than you can praise John Galt!
We will gladly destroy our credit and risk another recession
Because anything proposed by Democrats is clearly an act of aggression.
What can we say, we love all the drama!
It’s a great distraction
And if all else fails we can always just blame Obama.
If only the Pres would just negotiate!
Why does he have to be so stubborn?
How dare he claim that hostage taking and ransom demands
Is no way to govern?
A careful observer would have surmised
That the Democrats have, in fact, already compromised.
The budget proposed in this resolution is actually the republican one,
So in essence, we've already won!
Who cares if this shutdown costs our country $300 million each day?
Who cares about the National Parks, our Memorials or Federal workers’ loss of pay?
Who cares about food safety? Who needs the FDA?
(with the current salmonella outbreak in 18 states…we do, you might say.)
Who cares if NIH clinical trials are halted and cancer patients turned away?
Who cares if death benefits and burials for dead soldiers have to be delayed?
Who cares about what’s responsible, who cares about what’s right?
Not us, that’s for sure, because we’re making a statement. (and still getting paid!)
Some of you are onto our plan,
You've uncovered our latest scheme.
Dismantling every law we despise,
It’s our own American Dream.
This isn't really about Obamacare
Or even its full repeal.
We will stop at nothing until we rollback
The entire New Deal.
Here’s the truth,
The GOP is a dying brand.
Our inability to effectively govern or win big in recent elections
Has really forced our hand.
We've used the Southern Strategy
Since the time of Nixon.
We’ve attacked voting rights
Because if it ain’t broke it still needs fixin’!
We’ve been reduced to nothing more than corporate shills.
We’ve incited culture wars and obstructed countless bills.
But we've discovered a whole new way
To push our rejected agenda through:
Extortion, default, economic destruction
A new kind of coup!
We keep on howling about the national debt,
Then use one manufactured crises after another
To slash programs for children, the poor and even our Vets.
You’ll hear us claim time and again,
We’re the party of fiscal sanity.
But in reality our economic record
Is one great big calamity.
So what if our deficit tripled under Reagan,
When we run the show deficits do not matter.
It’s only when a Democrat’s in charge
That a deficit means doom and disaster!
And, yes, it’s true that W. turned a surplus into a deficit of $642 billion,
With blank checks for wars and tax breaks for those who earn millions.
The Republican record on the economy is actually a total disgrace,
But you’ll never hear us ever own up to even one mistake.
Country First! Remember that?
When I think of it now,
I have to laugh.
It’s the people last and Party First!
Man, aren't us Republicans just the worst?
It may seem like we’ve lost our minds
But it’s all part of a bigger plan.
If we can make the Democrats cave,
Then we’ll have more than just the upper hand.
If this works and we get our way,
It won’t matter if we win or lose.
We’ll know we can still call the shots
Regardless of whom the voters choose.