From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
HealthcareDotGov: Take 2
Back about a millennium ago---let's call it September---I promised to bore you all to tears by sharing my experience signing up for health insurance through the federal exchange. I'd love to buy it through a Maine state exchange, but our governor is a progress-hating nimrod, you see, so We The Pine Tree State Uninsured have to schlep down the information superhighway to D.C. in order to sign up as required by the long arm of THE LAW.
It's no secret that when the fed exchange went live in October, about the only thing you could successfully choose was either a scented candle of the month club subscription or the hampster dance. While Republicans staged their mock freakout, I decided I'd come back in December when HealthcareDotGov 2.0 was up. No big deal. Tech shit happens. Try, try again.
The new, user-friendlier home page
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To quickly recap my situation: I was fortunate to have insurance either through my parents or, between 1986 and 2009, my employer. I'm---knock on wood---in good health, so probably 99 percent all of my premiums for 27 years have gone to insurance companies for marketing, executive pay and, oh yeah, occasionally medical care for sick people. I haven't run around screaming "Socialism!" because I have brain enough to know that this is how insurance works. After my COBRA ran out a year-and-a-half after I lost my last job, re-upping as an individual in Maine was too expensive, and the cheapest plans ensured I'd be screwed in the event of a serious illness whether I had coverage or not.
So my needs are simple: decent coverage for a decent price, and a deductible that totals less than one of Donald Trump's Gucci wigs. Yesterday I took a deep breath and clicked on healthcare.gov. I could tell things were vastly improved when the site came up in 0.0003 seconds and the first question they asked me was, "Would you like a warm neck wrap?" Why, yes. Yes I would.
Now, I'm in no rush to enroll just yet, so I clicked on a button that wasn't there in October: "See Plans Before I Apply." They asked me a few basic questions: coverage for self or family (self), state and county I live in (Maine, Cumberland), age (Frrfrrfrrr), seeking coverage for health, dental or both (health, specifically immortality). Then I clicked "Next."
Bam!
Seventeen plans show up on my screen from Anthem and Community Health Advantage in 0.0004 seconds. They range in price from $313 to $534, with this beautiful awesome caveat posted at the top of the page:
Important: The prices here don't reflect the lower costs you may qualify for based on household size and income.
Many people who apply will pay lower monthly premiums than those shown here. Households with yearly incomes up to about $46,000 for individuals or $94,000 for a family of four will qualify for lower costs. The prices you see are for people who don't use tobacco. You'll get final quotes for specific plans based on your income and household after you complete a Marketplace application.
Each plan on the page has a "Details" button that provides helpful information in easily-digestible bits (summary, brochure, covered drugs, provider directory), and I spent some time looking them over. I decided to stop there for now. The ACA is a historic achievement for this country, and I am
not going to rush through it. For now I'm going to bask in the afterglow of a terrific experience with the front end of the new healthcare.gov site and the scent of my warm lavender neck wrap. How they get that thing to pop out of my USB port is a minor miracle.
So far, so good. To be continued…
Meanwhile the rest of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Note: Please be aware that the Baldwin sisters' eggnog is likely spiked with moonshine. Ike Godsey has pulled it from his supermarket shelves and the proper authorities have been notified.
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10 days!!!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next By the Numbers appears:
1
Days 'til the
Candy Cane Train arrives at the Bath, Maine station:
10
Estimated square miless of deforestation in the Amazon rainforest between August 2012 and July 2013, a one-year increase of 28%:
2,256
Portion of U.S. foster children who will experience homelessness by age 26:
1/3
(Source:
Harper's Index)
Beats per minute in
Stayin' Alive:
103
Recommended beats per minute when reviving someone via CPR:
103
(Source:
Annals of Emergency Medicine)
Admission to the
Christmas Story House & Museum in Cleveland:
$10.00
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 185 (including 5 Global Turmoils and 1 Catholic bishop who got "outmarketed" by the gays). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Two-legged taxi
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CHEERS to Jettin' Joe. Vice President Biden strapped on Jetpack 2 and rocketed over to Asia for a week of grippin' and grinnin' with folks in Japan, China and South Korea. Here's his schedule for today:
5:30am--U.S. Ambassador to Japan
Caroline Kennedy greets Joe in Tokyo.
• Vice President Biden arrives in Beijing, China.
• Later, Vice President Biden attends a welcome ceremony with Vice President Li Yuanchao followed by a bilateral meeting.
• Then, the Vice President holds a bilateral meeting with President Xi Jinping of China.
• In the evening, the Vice President will attend a dinner hosted by President Xi.
Fingers crossed that he doesn't walk up to Xi and say, "Greetings, President Eleven!"
JEERS to sausage making. If you're a glutton for punishment, here's the latest dialogue between Democrats and Republicans during their latest round of budget talks:
My budget would give every
American one of these babies.
"Blast you, Democrats!"
"Curse you, Republicans!"
"Tax and spenders!"
"One percenters!"
"LOL!"
"ROTFLMAO!"
"That the best you got?"
"A sphincter says what?"
"What?"
"A sphincter says what?"
"What?"
"It's 5 O'clock. We'll pick this up in the morning."
"I'll bring the muffins. You bring the coffee."
At least they didn't break any furniture. I'm told that qualifies as a good day.
CHEERS to new discoveries. On this date in 1996---ah, those golden Clinton years---NASA sent a six-wheeled rover called Pathfinder to roam the Martian surface and find rocks. Moments after landing, the space agency got a call from Newt Gingrich asking them to please come get it off his head.
JEERS to the sub-humans among us. When the guy most closely associated with Fast and Furious died in a car crash, I was expecting Darrell Issa to immediately call for hearings to pin blame on the Obama administration. Thankfully he's just smart enough to know better. Can't say that, though, for Fred Phelps, who plans to, well, you can probably guess:
A bunch of flea-bitten halfwits against Walker's co-star Vin Diesel? Good luck with that, Fred.
CHEERS to going in circles. On December 4th, 1877, Thomas Edison invented the phonograph in Menlo Park, New Jersey... ersey... ersey... ersey... I love downloading music, but I do miss vinyl. It had character. (Said the sad, bitter old Maine blogger to whomever he'd just drunk-dialed on his rotary phone.)
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Five years ago in C&J: December 4, 2008
Obama and his national security team
watch the Bears kick a crucial field goal.
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CHEERS to Sheriff Obama and his new deputies. After proving they had no skeletons in their closets and could sink a three-pointer from 50 feet (it took Bob Gates 250 tries), President-elect Obama
announced his national security team yesterday:
Sec. of State Hillary Clinton
Attorney General Eric Holder
Homeland Security Chief Janet Napolitano
UN Secretary Susan Rice
Sec. of Defense Bob Gates
Nat'l Security Advisor Jim Jones
I sense that there could be trouble on the horizon. Obama's a Leo and three of his new team are Scorpios.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to eggsasperation. Oviously, I thought my partner Michael was just yoking yesterday henny eggsed me what's the difference between white eggs and brown eggs? Scrambling for an answer, I drove my coop to Egg Land, where all the king's horses and all the king's men eggsplained:
I think this is the
King of Eggland.
The short answer is "none". Generally speaking, hens with white feathers (such as White Leghorns) lay white eggs and hens with reddish brown feathers (such as Rhode Island Reds) lay brown eggs. Shell color has little relationship to egg quality, flavor, nutritive value, cooking characteristics or shell strength. The color of brown eggs is a natural pigment placed by the hen on the surface of the shell during the final stages of egg formation. From the inside, the shell appears white.
I later confirmed the above with a gang of poachers. So now you know why brown and white eggs eggsist. But that's enough knowledge for today. Frankly, I've had un oeuf.
Have a Wassailerrific Wednesday! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"The idea of people fighting over Bill in Portland Maine is pretty outrageous. He's not the equivalent of a Cabbage Patch Doll."
---Asst. Prof. Louis Hyman, Cornell University
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