GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or thinking of quitting, please -- join us! We kindly ask that politics be left out.
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Most of the time, we trundle along in our daily lives, doing okay (or even better than okay) with only the occasional notable hiccup to mar the normal minor ups and downs: the bad day at work, the fight with a family member or friend, a bout of the flu, or something like that.
We can roll with the punches, shrug it off, maybe enlist a sympathetic ear to vent, or employ a distraction to take our mind off of things. We enlist our tried and true coping mechanisms; we draw on our reserves of inner strength and resilience. And we rebound, trundling along once again.
Then, perhaps according to some invisible, inscrutable, arbitrary yet weirdly cruel Law Of The Universe, we get absolutely blindsided by really big stuff...or worse, a LOT of really big stuff, happening all at once.
You know what I'm talking about. Those times when stuff begins to pile up faster than you can react to it, never mind access your usual coping strategies. When people you know---and even people you don't---start trotting out theories about "bad things happening in threes" or you "having a run of really bad luck" or speculating as to how "the Universe is testing you," or you needing "the patience of Job," you know this is not your typical bump in the road.
Whatever is going down, and however it's being framed, when even those outside your day-to-day life notice that something's up (or that, y'know, a LOT of somethings are up), you know you're treading in some dangerous territory.
Some of us are going to have it tougher than others: due to negative life experiences (exposure to trauma or abuse, for example) or accidents of brain chemistry, we've got a different set of coping skills at our disposal, different degrees of resilience, and different triggers and knee-jerk reactions to present-day life event pile-ons. We may not hold it together so well, or enlist maladaptive behaviors in the short-term to cope (that would include things like falling off the wagon, lashing out at loved ones, isolating ourselves, or displaying clingy/codependent behaviors or a loss of boundaries in our relationships with others). We may even focus on the stress itself, turning our own thought processes into a big ol' negative feedback loop.
And even if we have managed to hold it together, for the most part, and soldiered on despite some pretty serious challenges, that doesn't mean we're not struggling. In fact, odds are pretty good that no matter what our public faces look like, we're probably feeling pretty overwhelmed. This kind of life event can put the whammy on us, wresting control from us when we least expect it. This kind of reaction is especially disorienting for those of us who are normally reserved and in control, or who normally provide others with support in crises.
But feeling overwhelmed, in all its messy, world-tilting-off-its-axis glory, is actually pretty normal. After all, humans aren't built to stoically soldier through any and all adverse situations with an expression of grim determination and a refusal to display the very human vulnerabilities that these occasions give rise to. We're built to cope with a lot, sure...but we're HUMAN, remember? We hurt, and we get overwhelmed, and we react to that in all kinds of unpredictable ways. We mess up, we lash out, we hide, we cling, we yell, we project our feelings onto others, we reject comfort, or focus on nothing but. Sometimes we even do a bunch of those things all at once.
When life is overwhelming, when it seems that it's all too much...well, that's precisely when we need to be kindest to ourselves. There's no need for us to join the Universal Pile-On. If we start out forgiving ourselves for less-than-perfect behavior up front, and realize that we all have different ways of coping, that's a good start.
And if we allow ourselves to recognize and internalize that nobody's expecting us to handle everything perfectly, all by our lonesome, that alone can lift a little of the weight that circumstances---and maybe even we ourselves---have placed on our shoulders.
Being overwhelmed is a normal reaction to extraordinary circumstances. There's nothing wrong with how you feel (no matter how you feel) only in trying to get through it without acknowledging the struggle. Better to enlist the support of others as best you can, treat yourself with kindness as best you can, and figure out ways to cope with (or move past) the things overwhelming you as best you can. The Universe will right itself, eventually. It may not be, or feel, exactly the same, and we may be changed by our experiences, but we take a breath, and we adapt, and we survive.
Who's Your Li'l Buddy?
1BQ, 3rdGenFeminist, A Man Called Gloom, Abra Crabcakeya, Actbriniel, addisnana, AfroPonix, aishmael, Alise, Alpha99, ambeeeant, American in Kathmandu, amk for obama, andsarahtoo, angry marmot, Anne933, anodnhajo, aoeu, AoT, aquarius2001, arcadesproject, Archie2227, arodb, Arthur Wolf (in memoriam), assyrian64, Aunt Acid, awkawk, b4uknowit, bamablue, BARAKABETH, barnowl, b barrie, bdizz, beatpanda, beefydaddy18, BFSkinner, bgblcklab1, BigAlinWashSt, Bike Crash, BirderWitch, BJKay, bleeding heart, blingbling65, blue husky, Blue Intrigue, bluedust, BluejayRN, BlueJessamine, Bluerall, bluestatedem84, BoiseBlue, boudi08, Brahman Colorado, breedlovinit, BrenP, BrianParker14, Bronxist, BrowniesAreGood, bsmechanic, buddabelly, bumbi, BusyinCA, cactusgal, Carol in San Antonio, CathiefromCanada, CathodeRay, CDH in Brooklyn, cee4, Cen Den, ChocolateChris, ChurchofBruce, ciganka, cinnamondog, xuǝzıʇıɔ, ClapClapSnap, claude, Cleante, Code Monkey, codobus, Coldblue Steele, Colorado is the Shiznit, 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yet another liberal, Zotz
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