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A few days ago in one of the GUS discussions, someone mentioned scars...how they didn't mind their own scars; in fact, that they kind of liked them. I remember thinking "Me too. They give people character, and tell stories. I don't think I'd get rid of mine, even if I could. At least not the ones on the outside."
None of us get through this life unscathed. Kids are, by nature, accident-prone until they learn the limits of the physical universe and their place in it. Humans are naturally cautious in some ways, but accidents are common and most of us have had at least a few. Sometimes they leave a mark; sometimes they don't.
Sometimes we're scarred in ways that were not accidental; we suffer physical or emotional damage inflicted by others (often by those closest to us), either in a deliberate attempt to do damage, or through thoughtless actions that impact us. That can leave scars on the surface, and also inside, where they may be invisible, but no less a reflection of what has been endured.
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."
Kahlil Gibran
I have a decent number of physical scars myself, though I have lucked out in the sense that I've made it through a few mishaps with fewer scars than I might've expected, all things considered. When I was in junior high, I got tossed off a sled when it hit a snowmobile track and face-planted in snow that had a 1/4" crust of ice...which sliced through my eyebrow and up into my hairline. Bled like crazy (head wounds do that) but the eyebrow and forehead scars were so thin and healed so well they're pretty much invisible. When I was hit by a car, in college---and broke a car windshield with my head---most of those scars were also hidden by my hair, or were in places not often exposed; the majority of the damage was internal (nerve damage and hematomas and concussions, oh my!). I didn't look as damaged as I was, which was a metaphor for my college experience if ever I heard one.
The physical scar I'm most aware of is one I see, and feel, every day: a raggedy half-inch number (complete with the little dots where the stitches were!) that I've had since I was seven, when I almost sliced off the tip of my left middle finger on a piece of rusty metal while swimming. That slice was so deep it cut nerves to my fingertip, so I when I touch-type, that finger feels different than the others. My favorite one? A tiny, V-shaped one in the web between thumb and index finger on my left hand, an art class linoleum block-print attempt gone awry. That one looks like a little bird in flight.
"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."
Harry Crews
No, for me, it's the mental scars that stick around and have more impact on my life. Things like childhood bullying and the aftermath of my parents' complicated divorce shaped the person I was in my youth and young adulthood. Exposure to trauma and violence, and a loss that spiraled into grief that spiraled into major depression had a profound effect on me for more years than I'd like to admit. Family bonds tested, relationships that ended badly, the repercussions of bad decisions and addictive behaviors...all of those things made me who I am today, for better or worse.
I'm proud of myself, for surviving it all. For pushing through the layers of scar tissue and taking concrete steps to change the things that weren't working in my life, and to accept things I couldn't alter. I earned my scars---we all do, in a way---but it took me a very long time to learn how to make them work for me, instead of letting them hold me back.
Who's Your Li'l Buddy?
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