This is meta; an internet friend relayed a story to me and I found it a nice springboard to discuss some modern topics.
In a nutshell, she was looking at high school graduation cards and told her friend that she thought that the text of the cards made too big of a deal out of graduating high school. Someone overheard her and got hurt feelings...to the point of crying.
It is that time of year so I'll discuss my thoughts below the fold (cross posted at my personal blog)
One of my regular internet conversation partners relayed the following to me:
I'm not sure why, but I think you'll appreciate this story. The other day I was in a Hallmark store with my friend xxx, buying a high school graduation card. All the cards were full of superlatives, "Great job, graduate! You should be SO proud!" Mind you, these were SPECIFICALLY for high school graduates. I told xxx, "Geez, it's JUST high school. Seriously, it's not actually an achievement, but basically the bare minimum one should manage in life. I will congratulate my kids when they graduate from college." We found the card with the least amount of superlatives and approached the check-out. The lady in line in front of us turned to me and said, "I just wanted to let you know that for some people graduating from high school IS an achievement. For some people it's really difficult. Some people have family problems.." and she started CRYING.
So, while, Jesus, I felt like a dick, there was still a small part of me thinking, "But it's JUST high school."
I'm still debating whether that makes me an intellectual snob, or if I'm just weighing the approximate % of people who earn a high school diploma vs. those who earn higher degrees and being logical in saying that it's NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
I'll comment on whether my friend was "being a dick" later in the post (short answer: NO!) but I'll discuss many aspects of this.
First, MY history. Neither of my parents made it out of junior high. They grew up in depression era poverty in a Mexican-American part of Austin, Texas back in the day that racial segregation was the norm and perfectly legal. Mom, in effect, had no father (she had a biological one of course) and her mom scrapped to make ends meet; dad didn't exactly have a stable home life either.
But dad joined the Air Force and I grew up on Air Force bases; I had Department of Defense schools to go to, a clean, safe place to live, plenty to eat, and time to go to school. Early on, my parents took me to the library; we went there very frequently. We ALWAYS had books in the house. At the dinner table (and we had a dinner table), we frequently discussed politics and world events.
I went to a "lower middle class, clapboard neighborhood" high school for my last 2.5 years. It wasn't a magnet school nor was it where the offspring of the well-to-do went. But it was structurally sound, safe, and offered courses such as physics, British literature and calculus. Several of my senior year teachers had masters degrees.
Even better: because the student body population was not from wealthy families, there was no assumption that we (the students) were "entitled" to good grades; the teachers were free to push us a bit. Example: our pre calculus teacher and our calculus teachers taught "epsilon-delta" calculations for limits; and eventually we learned! I salute their patience.
Bottom line: I was a bit puzzled when my parents made a sort-of big deal out of high school graduation; from my point of view at the time, all I had to do was to NOT f*ck-up. I now realize that my parents should have congratulated THEMSELVES and not me; they are the ones that set it all up.
And so it goes with people who "live in my friend's tribe" so to speak. High school graduation really isn't a big deal, at least for those who didn't suffer from horribly bad luck (e. g. getting cancer, getting in a terrible accident, etc.)
And yes, there is a tendency to overplay any little things kids do. You see the effects of this when they show up for their first year in college and find out....no, they are NOT special. Being able to write a "sort-of" grammatically correct paragraph, state an opinion or differentiate a polynomial doesn't mean that they are a genius.
But not everyone grows up that way
Yes, there are kids, even today, who grow up in poverty. Some go to school hungry. Some are lacking parental support from even ONE parent, never mind two. Some have parents in jail; some are molested or beaten. Some face social pressures to drop out. Some have unsafe schools to go to. Many do NOT have books in the house or the ability (or encouragement) to get to a library.
So for kids growing up in these circumstances, graduation from high school IS a big deal, and it is helpful to remember that.
And things are relative
My friend talked about graduation from college. For me, obtaining an undergraduate degree was, well, pretty easy, even though I was at a "highly competitive" school. The completion of my undergraduate studies was, well, greeted with a shrug.
I was never pushed until I went to Nuclear Power school; and that was mostly because you had to learn a lot of material (at a shallow level) very quickly. And in the practical side, I was barely competent. I don't think on my feet well.
And graduate school was another story; in my first year of my Ph. D. program I got by butt kicked. I survived and managed to pass my Ph. D. written exams...and that was an effort! Later...toward the end of my Ph. D. program I realized: the Ph. D. written comprehensive exams were baby stuff. Seriously; if given time to study I wouldn't have trouble now. Being original to make a discovery and get it published is much, much, much harder.
So, while I felt pretty good about getting the Ph. D., but...for some....that is no big deal! Seriously; it really isn't that big of a deal to the top professors at Ph. D. granting institutions; for them tenure at a research university was the tough hurdle.
It is all relative.
About my friend No, she was not being a jerk; she was talking to another friend who lived in a similar situation. There is no reason people can't have conversations among themselves, and this overreaction to anything positive that kids do can be harmful; it can cause them to lose perspective.
The same principle applies in sports
Note: this is relative to me because I volunteer to help in a program that is designed to get new runners and walkers to finish a 4 mile race (the Steamboat 4 mile (6.4 km) in Peoria, IL). I've never (from my high school years onward) found that distance to be daunting, but I have a sports background.
Back in 1999, I had run a 1:34 half marathon and was pretty happy with that. One of my friends, who 14 years older than I ran a 1:33 but was upset with his time. That didn't bother me; after all 4-5 years earlier (at 50 years of age) he ran a sub 3 hour marathon! A 1:33, for someone of his background and abilities, wasn't a great time..so he thought (he was struggling with age acceptance a bit). So I have no problem comforting a friend who is upset with their own performance, even if it is vastly superior to mine.
As for me, my 5K times are pretty crappy by an athlete's standard (24:56 was my last one), but I am a 53 year old non-athlete who has had 5 knee operations, the last one in 2010. I am lucky to be able to run at all. My bench press (200 pounds; hips down!) is pretty weak for a 186 pound male, but again, I am a 53 non-athlete who had rotator cuff issues in 2010; there was a time when I couldn't do a single pull up (never mind sets of 10) and bench pressing 135 was painful.
Accomplishments are relative.