SPOILER ALERT. ALERTING TO SPOILAGE. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN "BREAKING BAD" (well, what the hell is wrong with you? Greatest TV show EVER) THIS IS AN OFFICIAL SPOILER ALERT!!
I, with very little fear of contradiction, am one of the top 89% of people who can blurt out puns.
Bad ones. Good ones. "Cock your head and say 'Hah?'" ones. They invariably produce guffaws or groans. (One guy nearly punched me in the nose, but he was an actor and we don't like him anymore.) But I just can't stop.
However, what with my being over 5 years old, I often forget these little verbal gems in under 7 parsecs (which is a measurement of distance, Han, not time!) so the hubs suggested that I start a Punster Dealie here on Kos.
My latest: Bob Odenkirk ("Saul" in "Breaking Bad") was on "The Daily Show" last night (I was busy having a screaming fight with the pipes under my sink because one sprung a leak and I am trying to fix it but somehow it's not working and I am easily aggravated so we missed the show last night while K called the men in white coats with butterfly nets) but we caught this morning's repeat.
Odenkirk is getting a spin-off from "Breaking Bad", titled "Call Saul".
This is merely an OK name. But my tiny brain cranked into action and I came up with two rock 'em sock 'em alternate titles, and immediately forgot the first one, but the second one was, "Don't You Bawl, Just Call Saul". Which is awful, yep, rotten and bad.
But I came up with some titles for alternate character spin-off shows, which will work only if their show's are PREquels: (SPOILER ALERT!!!) because:
At the end of "Breaking Bad" they will probably all be dead. Think "Hamlet". Rats, no pun there I can see. So, on with the titles:
"Ring Pring" (and if you're not a fan of "BB", what the hell's wrong with you?? Go back to your knitting.) And, Pring's dead. Oh, boy is he dead. Half of him, anyway.
Another was "If You Need Hank, Yank That Crank!" which is truly, very very bad, and I have my serious doubts about Hank making it out of the firefight in Box Canyon (or wherever they were) anyway.
[OH OH OH: I thought of one that I thought of YESTERDAY, can you believe it? I actually remembered something from yesterday! I shall give myself a moment, ah fuck it: this is how I usually come up with, and then phrase my puns: I ask a question that skews the reality of the fake TV show or history or the news, like this: What would you call it if it were a bunch of Orthodox Jews shooting it out with the Clanton's back in 1881?
Ready? Any guesses? I do NOT hate myself; it's a sickness. (Right, Seal? Only difference is I just break out in puns.)
Here it is: "The Shoot Out at the Oy Vey Corral." Why do I hear crickets? Oh, they're hanging with the frogs right outside my window.)
And now, back to your regularly scheduled mangling of, well, in this case, "Breaking Bad":
After this firefight, episode... thirteen? Agent Gomez ain't comin' out of this bazillion bullet gun-fest (and I think there's a mortar or two, as well) with any limbs below the pelvis, so his prequel would be "Need a homie? Just call Gomie!" (No, really, that's what they call him on the show. I'm not being a racist. Okay, a little but. But they do call him 'Gomie' on the show.)
Alas, neither K or I can think of that first one, but this just popped into my teeny hypothalamus: (again, if you don't watch BB", keep petting the dog):
"When It's Messy, Email Jessie!"
And like that.
More will come. You are at my mercy, which is a total lie because you can ignore me completely, but, come on, a lousy chuckle, followed by a spit take and water in your lungs is better than carpooling with that bitch from your boss's office who never chips in for gas.
Also, wear Depends. Yes, these puns can get so bad, you might actually laugh. When I laugh too hard (such as when I'm watching Ferguson or 'Who's Line Is It, Anyway?') I pee, just a little bit, but ablutions must follow or bad things will happen to the groinal area of the body, and really, no one wants to see anyone's ablutions unless you're that white supermodel chick who just divorced that cool singing black guy with the really scary burnt tattoos on his face.
(Which leads to a whole set of new questions, starting with, "What kind of parent let's someone make burnt tattoo's on their kid's face....." Whoops. I just looked it up. I was all set to blame the scars on some weird, African tribal manhood B.S.: but no, ha ha, he's got a disease, not raving tribesman, waving white hot pokers, chasing him down as a child and mutilating his puss. No, really, I looked it up [and the guy's name is "Seal"? Yet another set of questions arise, such as who the hell name's their kid 'Seal'? That's bound to lead to trouble. Except in his case, where it lead to Heidi Klum and bazillions of dollars]. AND he's from London. Not saying they don't have insane people with white hot pokers chasing down children to burn tats onto their faces, but London is crawling with unarmed bobbies who say "Here, here, stop that, I say, stop, put that poker dow.... Aaaaaaaaaah! He's coming after ME!" whereupon the bobby will hide in a fish and chips joint.
Which could be then called.... a..... "Cop Shop!" Very very bad. Bad pun. Or not. No, it's bad. But, it IS a pun. So.)
Yeah, back to Seal:
>>>The scars on his face are the result of discoid lupus erythematosus, a type of Lupus that affects the skin, resulting in the classic Lupus "butterfly rash" across the cheeks, and nose.<<<
My bad.
All together now! "My BREAKING Bad!!!" (I had not planned that, my fingers did.)
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