Things can be a little slow here on Dkos on Sundays, and it being Sunday and all I thought it might be interesting to try a Sunday Spiritual Conversation to see where we in the Kossack community are at with regards to our spiritual beliefs and attitudes. That's Spirituality, not Religion. What's the difference? Well, to me religion means you must believe in an exact certain way. And there's the "fear factor" - you must believe in a certain way and not do specific things or else you will suffer terrible punishment. To me Spirituality is something you develop individually over the course of one's life, and is something which is developed from within. I've been thinking about this for awhile - trying to start a spiritual conversation with a bunch of folks here can easily come back to bite you in the ass if you don't do it just right. I've been working on my diary for a couple days, trying to make sure I get just perfect, and perhaps publish it next week. But, with the dreadful stories and images coming out of Santa Barbara this morning, perhaps this is the day to start.
So, I'll start the conversation: I was born on Christmas Eve in 1951. My family is English and Irish, and were Methodist Christians. As soon as I was old enough my parents began to instill their Christian beliefs on me, and made me go to Bible School and then church with them. But I had other ideas. I began to question things at an early age, 10 or 11. Then as a teenage in the 1960s I began to become rather rebellious. My life as part of a "nuclear family" in the 1950s was evolving into the race riots, the assassinations of JFK, RFK and MLK. Viet Nam. A time conducive to questioning things. At age 16 I had a rather contentious fight with my parents and told them I absolutely refused to ever attend a church service again as I had decided it was all a bunch of bullshit and nonsense. My mother wept and sobbed, no doubt fearing for my soul. My dad was disappointed, no doubt wondering where he had gone wrong. But he just told me "Son, it's your decision. Just don't make it lightly." I have not attended a church service since that day over 45 years ago. For many years I was an atheist, But, the Spirituality within me managed to continue to grow and nurture. Events in my life caused me to reconsider and reevaluate. Today I say that I do believe. I believe there is more to our being than this current life, so very much more. I've never been big on labels. I have never been willing to be confined by the definitions and beliefs of others. With regards to my Spirituality, the best description I can come up with is that I'm a Buddhist Leaning Agnostic. I do believe in reincarnation. I absolutely believe in Karma.
Do you know what the one thing every single major religion agrees on? That there is but one God? Nope. Christians, Jews and Muslims agree on that one. Buddhists not so much, and Lordy, Hindus have more Gods than you can shake a stick at. No, the one thing they all agree on is this: how you live this life, how you conduct yourself and how you treat others in this life is really, really important and instrumental for what you experience after you pass on from this life. The different religions and forms of Spirituality just disagree on the details. "Do XXX and you'll burn in the fire pits of hell for eternity!". Or, "Live your life this way and you'll rest in the gleaming cathedrals of Heaven for eternity!". Different opinions, different beliefs. But the underlying premise is the same: how you live this life, how you conduct yourself and how you treat others is really, really important and instrumental for what you experience after you pass on from this life. I prefer the Buddhist interpretation of Karma - you get back what you put out. Intent and actions of an individual influence the future of that individual But, that's not really important. The purpose of this diary is not to convince you of anything, it's intent is not to get you to think in any specific way. My intent is only to get you to think, to pause and consider and reflect on the nature of Reality. You already know the answer, it's right inside you, and has been all along.
Please follow me over the fold as I explain how my Spirituality evolved to my beliefs. And you atheists? I was one of you for many years, and think I have some things for you to consider.
In the beginning there was the Spark of Life. The very talented Christian artist Michelangelo imaged Creation, the Spark of Life, as it was told in Genesis - a white haired God descending from the Heavens to pass the Spark of Life onto Adam. I've always liked that painting, very pretty and majestic. On the other hand the Creationist belief on the Spark of Life is somewhat less dramatic and much less Divine - a primordial soup of elements and chemicals transformed from inorganic compounds into organic compounds from a Spark of Life. Perhaps a bolt of lightening, or the heat from an oceanic vent. Personally, that makes much more sense to me, but again, that's not really important. Details. Because, whichever version you prefer the result is the same: If there was a Spark of Life, then life is a form of energy. When I decided I was an atheist as a teenager I decided that life was a form of energy similar to a chemical reaction, like a flame - and when that flame is extinguished it's gone, there's nothing more. Other atheists explain it as our memories, thoughts and personalities are just impulses stored in the neurons in our brains. When we die those neurons die, and there is no possible way for anything to pass on, there is no spirit or soul that can survive and move on. Just thoughts, memories and personality dissolving on decaying flesh. Well, if you accept that life is a form of energy then consider this:
"Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.”
― Albert Einstein
To me Mr. Einstein is actually explaining reincarnation very well. Our spirit, soul, or Life Force - however you want to describe it - is a form of energy. It cannot be created, it has always been here. It cannot be destroyed, it will always be here. It just changes from one form to another. Mr. Einstein was much more knowledgeable about physics than I when as a teenager I decided life was like flame, and when extinguished it's gone. I overlooked something rather important: that while the flame itself may be gone, the actual energy, the light and heat, isn't gone. However infinitesimally small, that heat and light energy continues on, spreading out throughout the universe. And so is the energy of our spirit. It is a part of the universe, a part of all there is. Always been here, always will be. And just like every other form of energy in the universe we create our own reality. The Big Bang - massive forms of energy spreading out into the universe, evolving into galaxies, solar systems, suns, planets, and moons. We evolved into a reality we call Life.
Heady stuff, huh? We could spend a lifetime pondering the origins of the universe and the nature of reality. But I think that would be a waste of a perfectly good life. Because it is Life that is the important thing. Living this life, experiencing everything within it, shaping and forming our life into a life full of experiences, interactions with others that is the important thing. The purpose of life is for us to grasp how truly perfect it always is. "Perfect" doesn't mean life is always as we think it should be. Everything has a reason and purpose. The biting cold of cold winter wind can help us appreciate more the beauty of golden sunshine on our face on a warm spring day. The struggle to reach the achievement we seek in our intent can make us appreciate better the satisfaction of success. The joy of happiness and love is so much greater when we reach those heights out of the depths of despair.
Let me backtrack and describe one the most meaningful experiences in my life which caused me to look inside and seek answers on the meaning of my life: the death of my father. My father faced struggles in the last years of his life. He developed throat cancer and had to have a laryngectomy, in which his larynx (voice box) was removed. He breathed and "spoke" through a hole in his chest. He tried different methods of speaking and found he could communicate best by holding his fingers over his chest hole to convert his breath into the sounds of words. You had to be around him for some time to understand what he was trying to say. I got to where I understood him perfectly. Over the next couple years the cancer continued to spread throughout his body and settled in his lungs. It was inoperable, nothing could be done. I moved back into his house to be closer to him and help him. I was working as night auditor at a hotel. On one of my nights off I was watching TV in the living room and went into my father's room to check on him and saw he was struggling with much difficulty to breath. I sat down next to him, held his hand, and tried to comfort him. I realized he was dying, and there was nothing I could do but be by his side and comfort him. "It's okay, pops, it's okay. This will pass, this will pass. Everything will be okay" I assured him. His breaths became shallower and shallower, and more labored. Suddenly he seemed to hear something, opened his eyes, and turned his head to the left corner of the room. His eyes opened even wider and he got a look of amazement on his face. Suddenly he sat up. I looked to see what he was looking at. What I saw was my Uncle Bob standing there, calling and reaching out to my dad. Standing behind him was my mom smiling widely, actually she was positively beaming with love. My Uncle Bob was my dad's closest brother, and my dad had been devastated when Bob had died of a heart attack several years before. My mother had also developed cancer and had died a couple years before. My dad turned back to look at me, and I saw confusion in his eyes. Somehow I knew what to say. "Yes, pops. It's Bob, and Mom. They're here to help you over to the other side". The look in his eyes told me we had both seen the same thing, and we both knew what was happening. My dad laid back down, took a few breaths, and sighed. And then he passed on. I was sad, of course. Tears streamed down my face. But I also realized how wonderfully special and magic that moment was. My dad along with my mom brought me into this life. They guided me, did their best to teach me right from wrong, and set me out on my journey of discovery. And they loved me. I loved them right back, and got to be with them as my dad passed on to his next journey of being. It was my epiphany. And that was so much how my dad was - the final act of his life was to get me to reconsider and reexamine my life.
So, I started reading a lot. Books on Spirituality in general, Buddhism in particular. Books on Life after Death - I particularly enjoyed "The Last Frontier: Exploring the Afterlife and Transforming Our Fear of Death", by Julia Assante. For those who scoff at my story of my dad's passing, I suggest you read about NDEs - Near Death Experiences, those who experience the beginning of death but come back to life. It is very common for those experiencing a NDE to experience the presence of a loved one coming to help them. I read about them many years after my dad's passing.
But, in the end, what I believe is most important only to me - and what you believe is important only to you. I chose the diary title "My Journey to a Better Story" for a reason. I don't mean a "better story" as in better than your story; I meant it's the better story for me. It's taken from the book and movie "Life of Pi". For those not familiar with the story I recommend both. It's a story of a young man from India who is on a ship that sinks during a storm in the Pacific. Pi survives in a lifeboat along with a Bengal tiger. They both manage to survive together in the boat for months and eventually make to the shore of Mexico. Pi is recovering in hospital when representatives from an insurance company visit him to try to learn what happened. He tells them the story of his survival in the lifeboat with the tiger. They don't believe him, so then he tells them a different story, that he survived with other people from the ship and they died one by one until there was only him. Pi is telling this to a writer who has come to hear his story, and he asks the writer which story he prefers. The writer says "The story with the tiger, it's the better story." Pi smiles and says "And so it is with God."
We all must find our own better story, from within. Good luck with yours, and happy travels.
Love,
David