In it's never ending battle against Communism, Socialism, and Sharia Law, the National Republican Congressional Committee has now come up with a quiz to determine the "Real Americans" from all us secular "godless libruls". The questions in this quiz range from the simplistic, to the puerile, to the down right xenophobic. Some samples for you.
Do you like John Wayne?
Do you have a favorite John Wayne movie?
For me that would be "no" and "no", so that already disqualifies me as a "Real American" in the eyes of the NRCC. Other questions in this 100 question quiz...
Did you watch Saturday morning cartoons?
Do you STILL watch Saturday morning cartoons?
A bigger question would be does anyone other than Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon even SHOW Saturday morning cartoons (and why are you still watching them if they do).
Do you go camping every year?
Do you own camping gear?
They should also have asked, "Do you find the sound of "Dueling Banjos" while camping strangely arousing?"
Have you ever started a U-S-A chant?
Would this be during a tea-party, anti-immigrant, or KKK rally?
Have you ever seen a Bald Eagle?
Considering they're an endangered species, the answer is most likely "no" outside of a zoo.
Do you prefer to buy/use postage stamps that have the American flag?
Do they sell any other kind?
Do you own American flag clothing?
Do you own American flag underwear?
Have you ever actually worn an American flag?
Because nothing says "I'm an American, damn it," quite like wrapping up your xenophobia and resentment of anyone who doesn't look like you in the ole' red, white, and blue. (And would you really want to advertise to anyone that you actually own American flag underwear?)
Do you know all the words to the national anthem?
Hate to break it to ya, but most people DON'T.
Do you hate communism?
Do you love living in freedom?
Do you pronounce America “Murica?”
Have you ever justified something by saying “This is AMERICA!”
Do you find yourself shouting “FREEDOM!” randomly?
Do you agree that the United States of America is the greatest country on Earth?
These are all the requisite pre-screening questions for just about any Tea-Party start up group. But the question that seems to best define what conservatives have become today is this one.
Is 1776 the best year ever?
Of course "Real Americans" will answer "Yes" to this one. After all, it was an era where Blacks were slaves, women were chattel, Gays were non-existent, and the idea of a Black president was beyond the comprehension of the "Founding Father". It's no wonder that tea-partiers like to dress up in colonial garb and carry Gadsden flags to their rallies. To them, these were the "glory days".
In the eyes of the NRCC, I would not be considered a "Real American". Fortunately for me, I don't have to prove my "American-ness" to them or anyone else. I was born here, and I love this country as much (more, in fact) than any of these tea-baggers who claim to love this country while hating everyone in it. But if that isn't enough for the NRCC, how's this...
Is THIS "American" enough for you?