From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Week ahead
Monday Congress returns. Blink and you'll miss 'em.
Full moon tonight. Think of Neil Armstrong and give it a wink.
"The asylum will come to order..."
Tuesday It's primary election day in five states. The most-watched contest is the governor's race in New York, where Zephyr Teachout is borrowing David's sling in the hopes of felling Andrew "Goliath" Cuomo. There's also an interesting mayoral primary in Providence, RI, a governor's primary in Massachusetts, and we'll find out if New Hampshire Republicans feel like adopting another state's reject as their senatorial candidate. My prediction: Bqhatevwr.
The iPhone 6 makes its debut. Among the new features: a hologram of yourself that stands in line waiting for the iPhone 7.
Wednesday In a protest of the FCC's plan to provide fast lanes for rich internet users and slow lanes for poorer ones, a whole bunch of web sites will participate in Internet Slowdown Day. There will be much gnashing of teeth. And buffering.
President Obama lays out his strategy for containing the terrorist group ISIS/ISIL/ISHOLE. He promises no boots on the ground, but is strangely silent on rocket shoes.
Thursday It's that day.
Friday Retail sales are announced by the Commerce Department. If it helps, guys, I bought a chair, a pair of Yosemite Sam mud flaps, one of those green TeleBrands skillets, and my monthly 18 boxes of tinfoil.
Opening in theatres today: Atlas Shrugged III---Who is John Galt? SPOILER ALERT: he's all of us and…[Poof!!!]…none of us. If you want to see me do that trick again I've got shows at 1, 3 and 5. Fun for the whole family and yadda yadda...
Oh, and according to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your lives accordingly. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, September 8, 2014
Note: I've finally gotten to the point where I don’t think about the anniversary of 9/11 until the weekend before the week containing the anniversary of 9/11. Terrorists, you lose.
-
5 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til primary elections in NY, DE, NH, MA and RI:
1
Days 'til
Austin Pride:
5
Year by which food stamp costs are expected to drop back to 1995 levels:
2019
(Source:
The Wall Street Journal via Laura Clawson)
Typical response rate to a telephone poll in 1997:
36%
Typical response rate to a telephone poll today:
9%
(Source:
The New York Times)
Number of baseball dents in the outfield wall known as the Green Monster at Boston's Fenway Park:
164,630
(Source:
The Boston Globe)
Number of Twinkies I can stuff in my mouth at one time:
"Shishtkeen!"
-
NEW! Your Monday Robin Williams Moment
"I wonder what chairs think about all day: 'Oh, here comes another asshole.'"
"As beatific as Gandhi was, I'm sure there was some guy in a Bombay bar going, 'I knew Gandhi...he was a prick. He was sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on Mother Teresa. He kept saying, Who's your diaper daddy, who's your diaper daddy?'"
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Corgi v. wolf pup. (Video #2 is cuter.)
-
CHEERS to putting on your best frowny face and getting down to business. Two more signs that summer vacation season has ended and folks are heading back to work: Congress is back in session and daycares are filling up again. There will be lots of crying and stamping of feet and screams of "Mine Mine Mine!" as a roomful of whiny brats hurl childish insults and feast on paste and magic marker fumes. And if I was a bettin' man I'd predict the toddlers at daycare will probably act the same way.
Moments before we marched
to Lexington to fight the British.
CHEERS to hangin' with the Great Orange Satanistas. Thanks to the fact that God is kinda sweet on liberals, the weather was sunny and warm Saturday for our Kossack meetup in Massachusetts at the home of Brillig and Mik. (Thank you!) The afternoon was spent talking about the looming primaries in New England and elsewhere, the tight-as-a-tick senate races, whether Rand Paul will ditch his senate seat to run for president (Kentucky law says he can't do both), and discussing ---SPOILER ALERT!!!---
Game of Thrones spoilers. Thanks to everyone who turned out, including the right honorable Sardonyx (he lives!), Ed Tracey (the birthday boy!), AnotherMassachusettsLiberal, DtheO…
Oh, and also MiriamL, Simple, Greyhawk, HawkWife and TrueBlueMajority…
Oh, plus nhox42, theKgirls, mayim, RubDMC, and Debbie in ME…
Along with ialonelady, CwV, Noor B, Andy, Common Sense Mainer and BiPM (that's me!)---plus four kids as our chaperones and three dogs as our beer fetchers. We did run into some rain and thunderboomers on the way home, which was God's way of saying, "Wah, I don’t want the meetup to be over!!!" But, as you can see in nhox42's post, the Almighty's tantrum didn't last long and we were given the gift of massive rainbowage. Better yet, the pot at the end of it was filled Republican indictments.
With mentor Kent Brockman.
CHEERS to half a dozen years at the 9pm helm. Rachel Maddow, who, like Bill Clinton, is a Rhodes Scholar, has been hosting her own show on MSNBC for six years
as of today. She's brilliant, witty and everybody loves her except those Republicans who fear her. ("Scary fact-wielding lesbian truth-teller! Run for your lives!") She's also an
entertaining mixologist who whips up a mean Friday night libation. Money quote: "I'm undoubtedly a liberal, which means that I'm in almost total agreement with the Eisenhower-era Republican party platform." Score one for the hippies.
CHEERS to a fabulous quintet. Just pure unadulterated good news story: the 2014 Kennedy Center Honorees have been announced:
"The Kennedy Center celebrates five extraordinary individuals who have spent their lives elevating the cultural vibrancy of our nation and the world," stated Kennedy Center Chairman David M. Rubenstein. "Al Green's iconic voice stirs our souls in a style that is all his own; Tom Hanks has a versatility that ranks him among the greatest actors of any generation; one of the world's greatest ballerinas, Patricia McBride continues to carry forward her legacy for future generations; Sting's unique voice and memorable songwriting have entertained audiences for decades; and from the days of her early television and theatrical appearances, Lily Tomlin has made us laugh and continues to amaze us with her acting talent and quick wit."
Sorry, Chuck Norris, Kirk Cameron and Victoria Jackson. Maybe next year.
Gerald Ford showing Americans how to
pick our jaw up off the floor after hearing
about his pardon of crook Richard Nixon
JEERS to undeserved free passes. Forty years ago today, President Ford committed the unpardonable sin of
granting an unconditional pardon to Richard "I am not a crook except when I am" Nixon. He said it was absolutely necessary to help "heal" the country. To this day I still have no idea what that means. I don't remember anyone flipping out over the Watergate hearings, do you? Everyone I knew pretty much laughed their asses off. Final verdict on the pardon:
badcall. The American people were robbed of the opportunity to see that, when the president does what Tricky Dick did, it
IS illegal. Bless the late David Frost for coaxing that jaw-dropping nugget out of that creepy crook.
-
Five years ago in C&J: September 8, 2009
CHEERS to going lax on slacks. Sent this morning via homing pootie:
Dear Sudan,
Thank you for not flogging that woman for wearing pants. That was nice of you.
The $200 fine is still pretty lame, though. But I guess ya gotta put your pants on one leg at a time, eh? Ha ha. Make sure you tell that one to the judge, he'll get a kick out of it.
Sincerely,
BiPM
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to big bidness. With Kos pulling his sponsorship of the 2015 Netroots Nation convention in Phoenix, promoting the event in C&J is going to be a bit awkward. I've decided that I'll post NN-related items below the fold so they don't appear up top, and probably not as often as I usually do. But promote it I shall because I must. And having said that…..
Yippety Skip! The
annual Netroots Nation online auction starts on Tuesday the 16th, and from the sound of it they've got some great items up for bid. I'm donating a complete set of officially-retired 2014 collectible wooden White House Easter eggs
including the coveted Bo & Sunny egg, a framed USPS "First day of issue" set of Harvey Milk stamps, and the cabinet post of your choice in my future administration.
Karen Kolber & Co. are now accepting donations for the auction block from the universe of humans, and that includes you, if you're so inclined. Think political memorabilia, CDs, books (signed or not), clothing, pink flamingos, pet toys, trips, crafts, prints, services, games, electronics, etc. Food is also good, particularly if it's of the sweet and baked variety.
To donate an auction item, just click here to send in a description (with a photo or link to a photo, if possible). Proceeds go to help offset costs related to the convention and the scholarship program. If you have questions, e-mail Karen Kolber at Karen [at] netrootsnation.org. As always: no mail-order brides, surplus military hardware or varmints the cat dragged home, please.
Have a tolerable Monday. Oh, and happy 73rd birthday (and blessings on your camels) to Bernie Sanders, the senator who proved once and for all that socialists are sexeh. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Though Bill in Portland Maine is in the U.S. right now, all his bones are supposed to be going back to Argentina by next year. There, they’ll be put together---with a lot of hefting and heaving, I’d imagine---and exhibited at a museum in Río Gallegos in Santa Cruz Province.
---Bustle.com
-