All week I have been grappling with memories of the wonderful multi-generational house where I spent my early childhood years. Big sprawling holiday dinners are so much a part of those memories. So many people, so much food, so much lively conversation, so many political arguments, so much laughter.
Some of those memories bring smiles today. Others bring tears.
Welcome, fellow travelers on the grief journey
and a special welcome to anyone new to The Grieving Room.
We meet every Monday evening.
Whether your loss is recent, or many years ago;
whether you've lost a person, or a pet;
or even if the person you're "mourning" is still alive,
("pre-grief" can be a very lonely and confusing time),
you can come to this diary and say whatever you need to say.
We can't solve each other's problems,
but we can be a sounding board and a place of connection.
Unlike a private journal
here, you know: your words are read by people who
have been through their own hell.
There's no need to pretty it up or tone it down..
It just is.
Right now I would be arriving at my aunt's house to the warmth and the smells and the chaos of preparing for a large family dinner. We would sleep late and not eat breakfast so that we would be really hungry and our stomachs would be really empty when we sat down to the feast. The meal was usually served about 3pm, but on the few occasions when the Washington football team was playing, dinner would be served at halftime.
I might be drafted to help set the table(s). The adults sat at the big fancy dining room table that had eight matching chairs. We only ate in the dining room on Sundays and holidays. A holiday like this would bring out the china and the silver. The wooden folding table for the children was partly in the dining room and partly in the living room. A few more people ate in the kitchen. People kept dropping in for hours--some stopping by for a second thanksgiving dinner after eating once at their own homes, children of divorce eating first with one parent then the other. Some were stopping by for a first thanksgiving dinner after working all day—my uncle the taxi driver, my other uncle the policeman. It was a chance to see my cousins, and my cousins' children. Some family members brought their girlfriends or boyfriends, or school friends whom they knew did not have a big dinner waiting at home.
Now my grandparents are long gone. My aunt and uncle, who owned the house, also gone. My mom and her other two siblings, both brothers, gone. Someone else lives in the house where I grew up. I wonder if they have a big fancy table and chairs in the dining room. I wonder if they are having a big extended family Thanksgiving dinner today?
I know there are a lot of folks here at dK, especially among the Grieving Room regulars, who have empty chairs at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Some of those chairs were very recently occupied, others have been empty for years or decades. These big holidays can make the loss of family and friends hurt a little more. It is a day to be thankful and to show love, but some of the people we are most thankful for, some of the people we wish we could show love to, are no longer living. They are not here to watch football with us, or cook for us, or argue about politics, or help set the table and wash the dishes. As we remember past holidays we enjoyed at their side, their absence today is more keenly felt.
So even though TGR usually posts on Mondays, I am putting up this open thread for anyone who wants to talk about how they are doing today with their grief journey, for good or ill.
Even in the midst of grief and strong emotions, I hope we can also be grateful for whatever time we did have with our lost loved ones, "to know and love as a companion on our earthly pilgrimage".
Are you doing better than you thought you would today, or worse? Is this the first holiday without your loved one? The tenth? Are you the only one who seems to be grieving while everyone else is hiding it? Are you just ignoring the day--counting the hours until it is over?
How are you managing the grief journey this Thanksgiving?