I went to work the day after the Ferguson announcement. I was met with whispers from the people of color discussing what happened. We were all disgusted, but not one of us was surprised by the result.
Although not openly supporting the riots, we could not bring ourselves to condemn them. Things can be replaced. Insurance will provide the funds to do that. But lives? No amount of money can replace the loss of life, the loss of dreams, the loss of potential, the loss of everything.
I recall a story a friend once told me. Her neighbor was in the bank when it was robbed by a black man. Since then she feared all black people. I thought at the time, what a ridiculous reaction. How can you project the action of one individual onto an entire race of people?
I find myself doing the same. Every time I hear about another shooting, I feel a little sadder, and a lot more angry. I'm angry with white people - those I know and those I don't. Some of them friends, some co-workers, some of them even family. I feel more angry in 2014 than I did in segregated Georgia back in the 60's. Then my parents could protect me from all the racial divisiveness. They could teach me to see people and not color. They could share their stories of struggle without conveying any animosity they may have felt.
I'm finding it difficult to do the same. So what to do with that anger? Do I take it to the streets, to the marketplace, to the ballot box? Do I protest? Do I boycott? Do I vote for the Republican that dismisses me or the Democrat that takes me for granted? For us it seems the outcome is the same. The blood of our children runs in the streets and all too often no one is held accountable.
Today I don't know what my action will be. For now, I live with my anger.