and Stuff
When Kiva the kitty sees Granny Jenkins, her eyes glaze over, her tail poofs out and her whiskers point out straight. Then the old girl, stiff as a post, tips over and farts. Every dang time.
Oh, she be fine. Kiva be used to it.
Granny was on the ledge over-look'n the fire pit. Has the worse squeek'n rock'n chair in the county. She rocks and villagers come out to see what all the fuss be about. Guess she be think'n it be a good time to answer questions.
Questions both com'n and go'n.
Granny's given name be Theodora. She be born into the Jenkin's moniker. Like everybody else, I reckon. Most people pass gas, but ol' Granny Jenkin's passes dust, along with rainbows.
Nobody knows just how old Granny Jenkins be, but she talks fondly of her times as a nurse stomp'n around with Pancho Villa.
But, that story be for another time. Today, Granny Jenkins puts villagers to their questions.
Jorge was first to stand and ask his question. "Whadda ya tink of Capitalism, Granny?"
"Ain't suppose to hurt people, but it do. Need something better thunk'd up," she replied with a gleam in her eye that almost blind'd Jorge.
Sue-Ellen got up (first time I've seen her off her butt in a month) and asked, "What do you think of Republican policies?"
Granny Jenkins didn't blink and replied, "Always be in front of a Republican, so youse don't step in their policies."
"Do you vote, Granny? asked Monique.
"Sure do," replied Granny. "Good way of remember'n what futility means. You don't vote, ya forfeit swear'n rights till next election. Looky at it this way. Tis an old method to fool the people from pick'n up pitch forks and torches."
"What ya think of the Supreme Court, Granny?" asked Olga.
"Too full of lawyers," said Granny. "Noth'n in the books about need'n be a lawyer. Can't trust a place that has a big whop'n lie on the front of it. There be only one law anyway."
"What law that be? asked some drifter pass'n through.
"Your rights end where another's rights begin," replied Granny Perkin.
"What be your think'n, Granny, 'bout voter fraud?" asked Estaban.
Granny smiled. She keeps that last tooth brilliant white, I thought.
"There be a gob of voter fraud tak'n place all across this land. Any fool that don't cast a ballot commits fraud by steal'n the rights of the people to gits the country they be want'n," bark'd Granny.
Granny suddenly-like, stop'd rock'n, rose up and sprint'd away.
Jesus yelled, "Hey, Granny, where ya go'n?"
"Voting day ya fool!" Yelled Granny as she round'd the bend.