As I sit here writing this now I'll let you know I'd been in a sad mood most of the day. I just learned earlier today that someone I really love and consider to be a good friend is quite ill. In the past few weeks so many people have slipped away. I felt sad and know that's selfish. So extremely selfish.
Last week I was driving to my office from my home which takes about 25 minutes. Driving down the hill from Paradise to Chico I was stopped. It took an hour to get past the problem which I knew had to be an accident. Fortunately I'd decided to leave way earlier than normal. As I inched along I got worried I wouldn't get to my office in time to see my first patient. I wasn't upset but did feel a bit put out by the delay. Finally I passed the accident.
It looked to me like a red truck had been coming uphill and somehow went completely across the center divide and must have become airborne as it slammed into a car. Both vehicles were in the slow lane facing uphill, which was the wrong direction for them to be facing. The bodies were gone. The vehicles hadn't been moved as a small army of CHP folks were taking pictures and making measurements. I could tell whomever had been in the car could not have possibly survived the accident.
I felt selfish that I was thinking about being late for my first patient and a bit put out by the delay in getting to my office. So extremely selfish.
In the paper a couple days later I read about the accident. I had indeed come to the right conclusion about what happened. A 19 year old women was killed. The car she was in had been hit head on by a flying truck which both crunched the entire top of her Honda down but also completely sheared it off as well. Her car looked like it was a convertible as I drove past it. It wasn't. I could see the entire top of that car on the ground to the side of where it rested.
The person driving the truck was a 21 year old man from out of the area. Witnesses said he wasn't speeding but had started going off the right side of the road then over corrected which cause his truck to zoom off the left side of the highway then fly up off of the center divide launching it head on into traffic coming down the road.
It happened less than 30 minutes before I'd left home. I doubt the young women even saw anything. I hope she didn't. Her death would have been immediate no matter if she was aware of what was about to happen or not. Physics, plain and simple, was in charge.
Smileycreek and I were listening to an audible book as we drove down to and back from the DailyKos Holiday gathering on December 13th. It was written and read by a man who is on national TV as an anchor on ABC News currently doing the Good Morning America show. The book was about his search for mindfulness. He'd personally met and interviewed people like Eckhart Tolle and Deepak Chopra and several other famous folks like that. I won't tell you what his opinions are about these folks. You'll have to read (or listen) to the book to find out. I'll just say he believes there is a good dose of charlatan taking place.
The bottom line is he ended up trying meditation and discovered it helped him calm his mind. He has a type of mind that would drive even me crazy...always thinking and rethinking. He admits he has an ADD-type of mind. Well, he talked with more and more people who are biggies in meditation. After all his quests and taking workshops and going on meditation retreats and developing relationships with famous thinkers what he finally learned about mindfulness can be summed up in three words.
Is It Useful?
That's all. That's it. No matter what you're thinking about. No matter where thoughts lead you, and they certainly do. One thought generates the next thought and the next thought...on and on. You find yourself whisked away down a rabbit hole of thoughts. Each thought has a feeling attached to it too. We all do it. We all can make ourselves anxious. We can all make ourselves worried or depressed or end up feeling crazy even. And it's all an inside job and we know it.
A long time ago I learned to simply stop thinking when my thoughts start taking me away. I just shut up the little voice in my head and instantly the crazy ride is over. Then I choose what I want to think about which is the same thing as what I want to pay attention to. It totally works. What I do is to "end it" which is always an option for me. But what if I can't do that? What if my thoughts just keep forcing their way into my awareness and thus gain hold of my attention? Well, mindfulness is then as simple as thinking the thought, "is it useful?" The answer is either yes or no.
So I'm sitting here shocked and saddened by what I just learned today about my friend who is quite ill. I found myself depressed earlier in the day. Then I asked myself, "is it useful?" No was the answer. And so I stopped.
Well please talk about anything you want. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks!
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Kitchen Table Kibitzing is a community series for those who wish to share part of the evening around a virtual kitchen table with kossacks who are caring and supportive of one another. So bring your stories, jokes, photos, funny pics, music, and interesting videos, as well as links—including quotations—to diaries, news stories, and books that you think this community would appreciate. Readers may notice that most who post diaries and comments in this series already know one another to some degree, but newcomers should not feel excluded. We welcome guests at our kitchen table, and hope to make some new friends as well.
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