A healthy, and much needed, break from politics.
"Little Girl Lost, 2010"
Parenting is hard work. Even more so when the parenting is done by one. As a single parent I have been singularly focused on raising and providing for my children. Because of that, I've let other interests go or put them on the 'back burner' for years. That's not a complaint.
While it hasn't always been a joyride it has been rewarding. But, this isn't a diary about the blessings of motherhood.
Before, and during, my marriage I was an artist and muralist. After my children were born the time and travel away from home made it hard to accept new commissions and painting is difficult to concentrate on while caring for young children. I was unable to go to the bathroom by myself for years let alone retreat into my studio to paint.
After my divorce, and the discovery that my ex husband was a deadbeat dad, I was forced to realize that painting manatees in and on every public building on the Gulf Coast wasn't practical. So, I put away my airbrush and easel, swore to never, never, ever paint another manatee, and got a 'real' job.
Fast forward 25 years below the fold.
My children are grown, or nearly so, and cancer has left me with limited stamina and abilities and a lot of free time. But this isn't a diary about cancer either, just a little part of the backstory, as having cancer is time consuming.
The point is that for the first time in many years I have time. Disposable time. Time to spend doing anything I want. Time to think, time to read, time to write and time to paint.
Ironically, now that I have the time, I find that I no longer have the patience to paint. I don't know why. Maybe because painting is time consuming and I am so acutely aware that time is precious and every moment counts. Or that may be bullshit and I just want instant gratification. It doesn't matter.
What matters is that I have found the time and desire to be creative again. After years of pining for a studio where I could spend hours painting in solitude - I don't very often.
I bought a good camera and was at once taken with the instant gratification of photography. Yet, I was merely capturing, not creating.
Striving to find a new artistic niche has led me into a comfortable ménage à trois with painting, photography and digital manipulation. A combination that has given me back the ability to meet both my need to create original art and my newly aquired desire for instant gratification.
When I first started selling prints, I felt as though I was somehow cheating. As if I surely I hadn't put enough time into it for it to be a 'real' piece of art. I am captivated with the idea that under every ordinary, unappreciated vignette there is in fact, just below the surface, a secret place waiting to be exposed. It makes me happy, relieves my stress, is far cheaper and more convenient than therapy and gives me the same therapeutic feeling of accomplishment as I used to get after spending days, weeks and even months on a painting. It's another time I get the chance to say,
"I did it. I finished it. That is one more thing I have done in this life."
And, I get to say it a little more often.
"Funeral for a Dragonfly, 2012"
I still manage a 'real' painting every now and then. I finished this painting last week, the first in almost a year.
"Real Art-Untitled, 2014"
I sometimes stumble across such beauty, tranquility, natural symmetry and even utter chaos that it is better to leave it alone, captured - but untouched.
"Rust Series I, 2014"
"Fire & Ice, 2013"
"Green Man, 2014"
"Memory Lane, 2014"
Of course, like my writing, my art probably isn't for everyone, though I have very diverse taste in subject matter. That's okay, because it is for me. Everyone sees the world differently. We have to. Otherwise, what a boring life we'd have to live. This is just a glimpse into how I see the world.
Just my way of not becoming one of the politically insane.