Washington, DC... Science passed away today after a ruling by the Supreme Court stating birth control equals abortion. The death follows a major illness.
Justice Alito hastened Science's demise. "The owners of businesses have religious objections to abortion, and according to their religions beliefs the four contraceptive methods at issue are abortifacients."
Upon hearing this news, Science went into cardiac arrest at approximately 10 a.m. Eastern Standard time. Despite the best efforts of progressives and liberals at resuscitation, Science flatlined on the table.
Science knew these birth control methods prevented fertilization, therefore there was no 'fetus' to abort. Some in the fact-based community believe that constant attacks, which began in 2000 and escalated with the election of Barack Obama in 2008, were major contributing factors to Science's premature death.
"I don't know how we will get along without Science," said a source who requested anonymity so attacks would not shift to her.
The birth control = abortion debacle follows on the heels of the vaccination wars, which began in the late 1990s when Science was ignored in a major medical publication in favor of disinformation stating childhood immunizations were linked to autism. As the misinformation spread, Science was particularly downplayed in the U.S., one of its former strongholds.
Climate change deniers also weakened the belief Science. Some felt that the scientific community triaged Science, particularly Neil deGrasse Tyson. However, after a brief rally, belief in Science again faltered.
Science was preceded in death by Facts, who passed away after a debilitating illness in 2012.
Donations may be directed to the Academy for Rational Thought, an organization dedicated to supporting Truth. Truth is currently on life support and any funds will be used for the medical expenses.