I was sittin' here, right in the middle of the internet here, when I was accosted with stupidity that was so staggeringly monumental in it's depth and breath that I was left with little recourse than to try and give these folks a little Ray Rice Love Tap of my own, metaphorically speaking of course. Damn it!
The overarching theme of the posts seemed to be centered around the notion that those who think Roger Goo-dell deserves some sort of reprimand for lying on CBS news the other morning are some how, to use their vernacular, Commie Luvin' Pussies! Now I have to admit, I've sure loved me a good communist or two back in the day, feminine genitalia not withstanding. But, perhaps it wasn't so much that they hated the message as much as they hated the messenger. You see, Keith Olbermann has moved the sports show he was banished to after MSNBC handed him the fuzzy end of the lollypop, to 1730. Kieth took exception to Mr. Goo-dell's bold face lie he told to Norah O’Donnell on CBS This Morning's.
Funny enough, these homunculus Americans didn't seem to understand what the "Big Deal" was. If nothing else, I have always seen it as a big part of my job to educate those in need of such. So as a public service I shall post here for you guys and gals entertainment, exerts from this Algonquin Round Table of a discussion.
Enjoy.
This meeting of the minds began with an internet dweller whose screen name I won't repeat, making the following statement:
"KO [sic] sucks!! WTF!!! If his [Ray Rice's] own wife [Janay Palmer-Rice] doesn't care then why the fuck should we!!! He and the rest of his [Keith Olberman's] liberal do gooders need to jump the fuck off Goo-dell's [my spelling not his] ass and enjoy football again!! She shouldn't have hit him first as anyone can see if she didn't wanna get the smack down!!! Why waste everybody's time with some horseshit investigation that's going to tell you all what you already know. Let's get back to playing football!!!"
I'm assuming here that "smack down" in this case is some pseudo-athletic wrestling lingo for knocking her the fuck out with one punch. Forgetting for a moment that it's incredibly difficult for one to knock out a fellow human in the way that Ray Ray did, in both camera angles, my response was as follows:
"So what is it exactly that you folks are complaining about? What was Olbermann wrong about? He's not the only one who's questioning the "Independent" nature of the NFL's investigation. Oh, I see. You don't like Mr. Olbermann's political leanings espoused in a former show he was on (so much for the ol' liberal media BS.)
Since I have an I.Q. that's higher than room temperature in a New England outhouse in January, I suppose I should be more tolerant of those that are more... how shall we say... more cognitively simplistic? I should try and understand that when someone of that ilk can't understand the words coming out of Keith's mouth, it's just like when people similarly get perturbed when they hear people speaking in a language other than English in public. I never understood the paranoia of that one myself, but since I paid attention in school and I've never suffered brain damage, I guess I never will. Why ask why? I suppose I might some day have a massive cerebral vascular accident. Then and only then might I have a glimpse into this strange and wonderful world in which you all are living."
Because this is getting much longer than I had hoped for, I'll ignore all of the sentence fragment comments and give you just one more internet soap box philosopher to give you just a little move flavor of how the conversation went.
"The whole world is falling for the distraction of whether or not Roger Goodell saw the video from inside the elevator and when.
Who cares, people????
This is a private business we're talking about. How they conduct their business is of no concern of ours. If KO thinks this is what the regular sports fan wants to hear about then it'll be fun to watch this asshole go down in flames. If he thought he could move to go head to head with PTI [Pardon The Interruption] and Around the Horn then he stupider than he looks."
My response:
"Cletus, they care because Goo-dell told this country a bold face fucking lie on CBS news the other morning. That's why they care. At least that's why I care. Look, I'll try and put this in terms you can understand. This wasn't a harmless little white lie that Goo-dell told on national TV. It wasn't a stretching the truth sort of lie. It wasn't a "do these pants make my ass look fat" kind of lies. For a league that paints everything pink that's within eye shot of a camera during breast cancer awareness month, it was a big, fat, sticky, wet, beer, whiskey and microwave burrito hangover flatulent kind of a lie! You know the ones. The ones that even make your own eyes bleed, and like Goo-dell's lie, it just seems to linger for-ever! A lie that tells the world, "hey, were trying to pander to women here so jump the fuck' off our bumper."
I suppose I've dealt with the frustrating ordeal of trying to help women who have had to deal with their own little Ray Rice love tap to cut Goo-dell much slack on this one. As a six foot four inch, three hundred and fifty five pound ex-football player, there's nothing I'd love better than to take these smug ass wipes and see how they would like it if they had someone bigger and stronger take out some of their frustrations in life on them, and they not being able to do anything about it except to cry like the little bitches they are. Unfortunately, life seldom offers this form of Hammurabi eye for an eye justice. So when someone of my ilk sees such a flagrant example of physical abuse, you can't blame us for piling on."
Well, I feel like I've done my duty to try and raise the collective IQ's of America today. It's a tough job but I volunteer to do it.
xxxooo
dc