From the point of view of "the greater good", is it possible that the ideal topper to "The Savior of FSU Football - The Jameis Winston Story" would be for him to rape another girl - but with a few highly imperative conditions? One - she has to make sure to secure his sperm inside; Two - obtaining some bruising in the process would be very helpful, though not strictly necessary. Maybe if she just slapped him, en-route, he would reciprocate - he's definitely got that sadistic "Winner's Edge" to his leer already. And Three - above all, the entirely non-negotiable condition: she has a .357 magnum in her purse and when he flashes that big, triumphant shit-eating "I Always Win-Grin", she splatters it all over the fucking walls.
The required actress here has to be attractive, goal-oriented, and with an adequate working familiarity with combat handgunning. And good at pretending to be drunkly incapackated IYKWIM. Almost certainly, she will have the "good dad" - "good" in the NRA mode of having loaded guns hidden in every room of the house to
"DO YOUR MOST IMPORTANT JOB -
PROTECT YOUR LOVED ONES FROM DANGER."
Knives, spikes, seven ways to kill a man with housekeys, maybe an electric fence, land mines on the perimeter, the fragmentation-type hip-height "Bouncing Betties" that'll take off the malefactor's nuts but leave him to live - I started searching around those sites to snatch a few buzzwords and conceptual overlays but I couldn't hang real long, I started getting weird.
Ideally, she could even be underage, 17, 16, ram it home you know. The benefits here for her would be tremendous, with the caveat that she absolutely needs to be just sociopathic enough to view the rape as merely an unpleasant, transient stepstone: you can't make an omelette: making lemonade: the tough get going, etc. Played correctly she will come out as a heroine to millions of women all over the world. Even the pacifist ones - especially the 1/3 of them that have been raped - will be secretly beaming her powerwaves, and even wondering if maybe a cute li'l pink .380 auto wouldn't be kind of a nice fashion accessory....
(Re: getting weird, it took all of 25 seconds to find SEVEN manufacturers of pink .380's. TWO of 'em - FLORAL. Mmmm. I, umm... well OK, onward.)
Which leads directly to her true power base, we must start with at least cutesy/attractive as a given but if she is even the slightest bit articulate she will be fucking QUEENED by the NRA, a Heroine for Our Troubled Times (heps that Winston was black), she'll be Super Women in a beige power suit for the rest of her life. Self-defense symposiums, Taking Back Our Lives From the Scum, etc. Empowerment from the Barrel, she's a dream-child come true. I mean, if Sarah Palin could actually transform her... whatevers, into positive attributes - "Mama Grizzly" heaven hep us all - this chick will RULE. Like, even Presidentially. Hollywoodily.
The greatest single danger here would be to blow your moves sometime in between the sperm collecting and the skull splattering. Happy Jameis Winston is undoubtedly huge, and strong, and (doubt-ably?) quite amoral - I mean, fucking come on, is this guy sipping from the same Tallahassee fountain-of-give-a-shit as Teddy Bundy or what? If in the maneuvering for some photogenic bruises you were to anger him in the wrong way, he could easily kill you. And while I would love to absolutely promise that there's no such thing as a Florida State Athletic Dept. Athlete-Fuckup Clean-Up Crew, getting disappeared is possible - the fact that Winston escaped the last felony charge with what amounts to a license-to-rape is really scary. Videos? What videos? Cab driver? What cab driver....
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS READ THIS SHIT. To me, to date, the most incredible thing about it all was Winston's roommate’s explanation as to why he entered the room and requested to fuck Winston's "date" too - and that is, they had a habit of going to bars, picking out incapacitated girls, and taking them back to their apartment and gang-banging them! (Winston is 19, the drinking age in Florida is 21). How many times "it's happened before" wasn't specified, but Jesus Fucking Christ on a Biscuit with Gravy - there's a MORALS CLAUSE in the conduct code for Florida State University athletes. To date they haven't specifically written in the exemptions for Heisman Trophies, undefeated seasons, National Championships and so forth, perhaps they don't want to specify just how many rapes and thefts and lies would be permitted per wins, per trophies, per points... to actually chart it out would look a little shady, I guess.
(By the way, the roommate who foolishly blew the whistle - by telling the truth about semi-comatose gang-banging - and was punished for THAT - Chris Casher, apparently redeemed himself last night against Clemson. License reinstated?)
http://www.tomahawknation.com/...
READ:
http://espn.go.com/...
- His backup, Chris Casher, a headache most of his career in Tallahassee, was asked to replace him. -
A "headache" - to
ESPN. For bragging about gang-banging drunk zombie girls - to the law, which almost fucked up Jameis Winston's coronation. ESPN? Can I just... aw fuck. Can't speak. Sorry, never mind.
There surely would be huge downsides to the "Revenge Queen" self-defense scenario. The largest would be all the cute little dumplings going through mommy's purse, finding her cute little .380, and using it to "play TV cop" when Cody steals his teddy. Or more likely his Transformer doll, the one representing the 50-foot tall car-crushing bone-crushing basically cannibalistic HERO character of the latest kiddie flick. More guns around children = more innocent deaths, automatically - shut the fuck up NRA, you know it too - and if MOMMY starts packing, we can expect at least a doubling, because honestly the mommies likely to lap this up are maybe, possibly, on the umm, underside of certain bell-curves, if you know what I mean. But - and this is a HUGE but, dwarfing anything even the finest of music videos can pump up - even a tiny adjustment in the consequences for athlete's power-fucking - they surely never think it rape, because every women desires them madly, even the comatose ones- but still, a few adjustments, like, bullet-through-the-brain style consequences - well, shrinkage has multiple causes, and at this point, any shrinkage is good shrinkage.
FOOTBALL IS BROKEN.
P.S. (I wish this were a whole lot funnier. I wish I knew something good. I wish I knew something useful, and positive - that MIGHT work. But maybe I made you mad enough to READ their own shit. And though these people may seem to come from a different planet, they're from right here, and they're created by the same system of rewards and punishments as all the rest of us. And it starts at their birth, and once they're past a certain line, holy shit. You could open a betting line on Jameis Winston's life & career, you know? I'd love to lose on it, but it seems like after a point, the best you can hope for is that they stop hurting others so much - only so they can hide better; and people wise up and STAY AWAY. Michael Vick. Mike Tyson. Baseball's got a dozen...)