In the aftermath of the Hobby Lobby decision and the religious right’s frantic attempts to use it to create their variant of Sharia laws within the country, I’ve decided to create my own local chapter of the FSM.
Like most American churches, my chapter will be founded on whatever beliefs my followers want. After all, in America you shop for a religion like you shop for a car. Find one that hates the same things you do, you’re a follower. Dislike gays or blacks or whites or Jews or Muslims or democracy or the poor, there is a church for you.
It’s not that religion is a racket practiced by a few so-called religious leaders who are getting rich off the rubes that come to their church, like Pat Robertson. No, that is a cynical view of the state of religion in America. We all truly believe in something and no secular law should keep us from following our beliefs. Even if we have to keep everyone else from following their beliefs, my beliefs are obviously more important than theirs.
So my local branch of the FSM will provide a justification for anything anyone wants to believe. After all, since mainstream christen thought is less than 140 years old, why should they claim to have any answers to important questions. Christens also feel free to reject any tenets of any church they disagree with. If Catholicism is anti-gay, we love it. If a new leader accepts gays, throw the bastards out the window. So my local chapter will evolve with the beliefs of my members. Hate paying taxes? We don’t believe in that. Oppose open carry? No problem – it’s immoral. Like to smoke marijuana? Part of our sincerely held beliefs.
The important thing is that my followers will be able to point to some church as protection against the coming demands by right wing conservative religious fanatics that to participate in society we believe in a god. True, they mean their god and not necessarily anyone else’s god. And they mean follow their prejudices backed by their sincerely held religious believes, not yours. But for now, my god, which is superior to their god (see General Boykin who really knows whose god is superior to other gods) will allow me to go into battle with the christen fanatics armed with a legitimate religion.
I’m sure the Supreme Court will feel that my beliefs are every bit as valid as those of all the small offshoots of traditional religions. After all, Europeans didn’t come to America to escape religious wars in Europe. They came to bring religion to the heathens and their descendants. I sincerely believe that so it must be right. And if not, it will become a tenant of my version of the FSM.