(Pharoh sends National Guard to borders of his realm to capture and re-enslave “Prodigal Wives.”)
Pharoh Pence and the BPOE (Benevolent Patriarchal Overbearing Ediots), known colloquially as the Indiana Legislature, have concurred with loyal constables of the realm that miscarriage among the people of Female is a crime.
Pence, the third demi-god to submit to mortal status to better serve his anointed male children, is also known as He of the Mighty Grimace, Supreme Puppet of the Koch-Baal, Lord and Protector of Seminal Vessels, Vassals and Vesicles (Dicktator Maximus in Roman parlance), Godsend to the Good Ol' Boys, Necromancer of Natal Negligence Nitwits, President of the Priapal Pricksters (The approved greeting for such a divinity is “All hail the the Almighty Prick!” with suitable salute), and other accolades.
Pharoh Pence has once again hardened his heart against the people of Female, this despite the plagues visited upon his land.
The upper and lower kingdoms of Indiana have endured nine plagues to date: a plague of locusts, a plague of tornadoes, a plague of thunderstorms and hail, a plague of moral vacuum, a plague of superficial piety, a plague of intellectual darkness, a plague of Republican legislators, a plague of Koch-a-cultists, and a plague of the negative publicities.
Pharoh's latest decree, which extends eminent domain over the wombs of all domestic slaves and sexual gratification servants, has alarmed the enslaved in neighboring kingdoms and fomented an exodus of expectant breeding stock.
Concerned that a shortage of fertile child-bearers might lead to widespread sodomy, even monogamy, Pharoh has ordered that all fertilized females and those of childbearing age be placed under house arrest.
Legislators were aghast and outraged to learn that some breeders were allowed to work outside the home, were accepting monetary compensation for labor unrelated to domestic servitude, and were allowed to drive motor vehicles. One legislator, delivering a tirade in the state Senate, collapsed and was rushed to the hospital after he learned that said Females were allegedly allowed to earn upwards of seventy percent of the wages granted to Patriarchs who held similar positions.
News of this attack on the established Patriarchy left the Hoosier Senate Chambers in an uproar. Aides to the senators quickly moved to stem the riot by offering their backsides for whipping and lashing. The Senate Majority Whip, a venerable Patriarch who had decades earlier quashed the ERA, was heard to roar as he wielded his cat o' nine tails, “We invited these stiff-necked whores into our homes, fed them, indoctrinated them, paid for their medical care, protected them from the complicated world outside,” he paused to catch his breath, then resumed, “and all we asked in return was unquestioning obedience and instant gratification of any sexual proclivity we might obsess about,” he paused again to catch his breath, “and this, THIS, is how they repay our benevolence!!!”
A herald for the Pharoh, speaking on condition of anonymity, said his Supreme Eminence was consulting with oracles to divine new means of bringing the people of Female into submission.