Question: Who do you get when you combine a high school newspaper reporter, a dog eared copy of a Roget’s Thesaurus, and a penchant for writing a high school gossip column? Maureen Dowd, that’s who. Don’t believe me? Let’s have some fun and experiment shall we? Let’s repost an excerpt of Dowd’s latest on Hillary Clinton with bracketed words inserted to represent how this column would read if it appeared in a high school gossip column authored by a head football cheerleader about how hard it is being “popular” for some girls:
“WASHINGTON – [Like], THE most famous woman [ever] on the planet has a confounding problem [trying to be soooooo popular]! She can’t [even] figure out how to [get guys to like her while she] campaign’s as a woman. [Like, she’s] worried [and all] about proving she could be [like my boyfriend Biff whose the school QB and thinks he’s] commander in chief, [so] Hillary scrubb[s] out the femininity [by not wearing any cute dresses or shorts], [acts like Biff does and never calls first so he can act like the cool guys and not show] vulnerability and heart, in image and issues [like ignoring me until I say hi first in the hall by his locker], that were anathema to Penn [and all the other cool jocks]. Consciously tamping down the humor and warmth [and acting bored like Biff to look cool when I’m out with him and his friends] in Hillary and playing up to the muscularity and bellicosity [like those girls that don’t like boys] her [Goth clique] strategist modeled Hillary on Iron Lady Margaret Thatcher [who, like, EVERYONE knows was really a lesbian]!
See what I mean? She really and truly gets paid for this tripe. You can’t make this stuff up, can you? How in the world does someone like this get hired to write for the New York Times? Seriously.