I gotta tell ya, as a member of the fairer sex, it’s maddeningly frustrating to watch this Congress fumble around like it does, giving lip service to women voters. It seems like corporations encounter less regulation than women do these days. Discouraging, it is; as my mom would say. (The older she gets, the more my mother speaks in Yoda-isms. We’re not exactly sure why, but at least we can still understand her.)
I’ll admit there are days when I think about chucking it all and just staying home to watch cheesy movies on cable. Although, it does get old watching the same storyline over and over: girl wants guy, girl gets guy, girl has guy’s baby. That formula is as tired as said girl will be in her third trimester. Of course, in Hollywood, who’s tired? It’s easy and fun to get through your day with a kid on the way! Apparently it’s like that in Washington DC too; at least, according to these politicians who think they should have a say in the matter. Let me spell it out for you guys: unless you are the father of the fetus, it is none of your f-ing business. (Literally.)
I can’t tell if these men are threatened, envious, or just plain old misogynists. In all the years of introducing bills to regulate women’s bodies and pregnancy options, I have never heard of a bill pertaining to men’s reproductive health. So, if we’re claiming to be a fair and unbiased society, then it’s about time. My aunt D proposes we introduce legislation requiring men to be in the act of sex whenever they ejaculate. In other words, masturbation is now a legal matter, as it destroys the potential for millions of people in tube socks. Ridiculous? Yes, we know. But if women’s reproductive rights are going to be on the table for national discussion, so should men’s. What’s good for the goose, and all that… And if our goal really is to overpopulate the Earth while defunding any and all social programs to help these fetuses once they’ve grown up, then I say men have been in the dark for far too long; let’s open that bathroom door and shed some light on all those wasted personhoods.
I think some of these guys might have UE: Uterus Envy. Did I just make that up? Did Freud study this? Is it because they only carry the potential for life that they have to try to control the issue entirely? (An issue that is much more of a game changer for the women, I might add.) Listen up men with UE: just because you can’t nourish and carry the fetus to birth doesn’t mean you don’t have an important role to play. Your job is to plant the seed and then protect and secure the perimeter, and by ‘perimeter’ I mean the world for women. It’s your job to notice that your wife’s eyes look like Roadrunner cartoon swirls and offer to babysit while she takes a nap. It’s your job to teach your offspring that violence against women, in any form, is the coward’s track. And it’s your job to foster harmony and equality for boys and girls. Wake up! It’s the twenty-first century!
That’s one of the things I love about the Millennials, the men are not as confined by gender stereotypes. They bake, they knit, they host baby showers; very cool. Not like those shriveled old guys who stand in front of clinics holding disturbing signs and yelling at pregnant women. Hey— do I show up at your doctor’s office with pictures of enlarged prostates, and harass you about your exploits with Rosie Palm and her five sisters? No, I do not. But I could start.
What is it going to take for women in the United States of America to be treated with equality? What do we have to do? Maybe if we all start filing our uteruses as corporations then these guys will stop trying to regulate them. Worth a try, it is.