From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Things I learned from Republicans in August
Conservative Land's most brilliant minds were workin' overtime last month:
It's possible that The Bible has legal authority over the Supreme Court. (Ben Carson)
It's okay to be a misogynist and bash another misogynist without feeling a twinge of hypocrisy. (Erick Erickson)
Black lives are not among the "things" that matter (Scott Walker)
Immigrants should be tracked like FedEx packages, which presumably means with bar codes. (Chris Christie)
Poor people are poor only because they don't work as hard as rich people. (Rand Paul)
The Iraq war was a "pretty good deal" (Jeb Bush)
The only thing a woman knows is how to be a slut. (Perryville, Missouri School Board member Mark Gremaud)
Parents need to stop getting so gosh-darn emotional when their children are murdered. (The NRA)
We need a wall across the U.S.-Canada border, presumably including the 1,538-mile Alaska-Canada border. (Scott Walker)
The best way to deal with undocumented workers is to enslave them. (WHO radio host Jan Mickelson)
Restrictions on lead paint in public housing should be loosened because mothers are going to deliberately lead-poison their kids by making them suck on fishing weights to get free housing anyway. (Kenneth C. Holt)
Sounds like ol' Kenny boy's been gnawing on some paint chips himself.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Note: Yes, my ears hang low and they wobble to and fro. Stop judging me!
-
2 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Stephen Colbert debuts at Late Show:
8
Days 'til the
South Dakota State Fair:
2
Number of the legal and illegal immigrants who came to the U.S. in 2013 who were Chinese, Indian and Mexican, respectively:
147k, 129k, 125k
(Source: AP)
Percent by which commuters spend more time in traffic now versus 2007:
5%
(Source: Texas A&M Transportation Institute)
Gallons of bottled water---equal to 270 bottles---the average American buys every year:
35
(Source: Beverage Marketing Corp.)
Percent of Americans who talk about their religion online every week, according to Pew Research:
20%
Amount that 881 33-year-old old Atari "E.T." video game cartridges dug up in a New Mexico landfill brought in on eBay:
$108,000
-
Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
A few random bon mots from the upstanding citizens at the Michelle Malkin blog…
aka Captain Tinfoil.
On Day One as President, I would relieve any General officer promoted by Obama or appointed by Obama. No exceptions. We cannot allow one of his minions to remain.
---flyoverman
The U.S., with B. Hussein Obama as "commander-in-chief" of the armed forces (God Help us, please!), is not being allowed to try to defeat the group of barbarian savages.
---DowntotheBone
i started wor-king from home, doing various simple jobs which only required desk-top or lap-top com-puter and Net access and I couldn't be happier...It's been six months since i started this and i made so far total of 37,000 dollars. Basicly i profit about 80 dollars every hour and work for 3 to 4 hours a day. And the best part about this job is that you can decide when to work yourself and for how long .
---spam
All together now: 1…2…3…
Classy!
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: What an excellent name!
-
And the 19th is, of course,
"Talk Like A Pirate Day."
CHEERS to September! Congress straggles back to work after five weeks off. (The #1 item on the Republican agenda after opening up the government: shutting down the government.) The kids are back in school. The Netroots Nation online auction starts on the 10th. 9/11 turns fourteen and the evildoers have long been brought to justice except for the old #2 guy but the best he can do these days is fry-vat changer at the Kabul McDonald's. The magic number in the Senate for scuttling the warmongers' opposition to the Iran nuclear agreement stands at 3 with a vote looming this month. Shoppers jam stores looking for the perfect Autumnal Equinox, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Mexican Independence Day gifts. ("A pair of socks? You shouldn’t have.") New England gets insanely beautiful as summer turns to fall. Hurricanes may become petty and vindictive this month, but Republicans say they're prepared to build alligator-infested moats around them. Mark your calendar for the amazing and rare
Supermoon lunar eclipse on the 27th. And I feel confident enough to make the following prediction: the conservative
Values Voter Summit on the 25th will be missing a Duggar. Or two. Or ten or twelve or sixteen or more, but probably less than twenty. What can I say…I have a gift.
Oh god, that's TERRIBLE!
JEERS to trouble with numbers. Have you heard what the super-accurate polling outfit PPP reported recently in the arena of presidential politics? In short, it's not good for a certain someone who lived in the White House for more than four years. In fact, voter support in Iowa and New Hampshire may have been really high at one point, but it's taken a major nose-dive with time. Ask for descriptive words and you're bound to hear things like "stiff," "unrelatable," "elitist" and "no longer cares about issues that matter to me." I know it's early, but this stunning news has provided a huge opening for a famous politician currently in high office to step in and make a move. Yup, it's true---
William McKinley's favorables are at a measly 17 percent. So President Obama stepped in and took his mountain. Because politics ain't beanbag.
JEERS to the War to End All Wars to End All Wars. Seventy-six years ago today, on September 1, 1939, Hitler invaded Poland and started World War II. The U.S. wouldn’t officially enter the fray for another two years, but when we did we kicked Fuhrer butt. Today we salute all our veterans who fought the real Axis of Evil...and also a special Luftwaffe vet who unwittingly helped shorten the war by months:
Let's not do it again, shall we?
CHEERS to New Horizon's new horizon. Rested and recharged after its Pluto flyby, the NASA probe has been given its next assignment: the Kuiper Belt…
One wild ride.
…an area beyond Pluto's orbit of the Sun that is the largest structure in the planetary system, with more than 100,000 miniature worlds ripe for exploration. The object was chosen in part for its location. It will cost less fuel to reach it than other candidates, leaving more fuel for New Horizons to conduct other science opportunities.
New Horizons conserved energy by taking naps on its 3 billion mile journey to Pluto. The spacecraft may have enough power for two more decades of exploration, according to NASA.
Then it'll return home and retire to Boca with its spouse the Hoover upright.
-
-
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is a special Twitter edition of The One Word Answer Man. Reporter Sergio Bichao asks:
Moron.
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
-
-
Happy Your Day, ma'am.
CHEERS to historic ringy-dingies. Happy Emma Nutt Day! On this date in 1878, the first female telephone operator in the U.S.---the aforementioned
Mrs. Nutt---started working for the Telephone Dispatch Company of Boston. She was brought in after the existing operators---a bunch of male telegraph tappers who turned into snotty unhelpful little twits when they started talking to actual people---were fired. And on tomorrow's date in 1878 they used those skills to form the first Time Warner Cable customer service call center.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: September 1, 2005
CHEERS to The New York Times. For getting this prediction right in their editorial on the unfolding Katrina hurricane disaster:
[N]othing about the president's demeanor yesterday---which seemed casual to the point of carelessness---suggested that he understood the depth of the current crisis. […] It would be some comfort to think that, as Mr. Bush cheerily announced, America "will be a stronger place" for enduring this crisis. Complacency will no longer suffice, especially if experts are right in warning that global warming may increase the intensity of future hurricanes. But since this administration won't acknowledge that global warming exists, the chances of leadership seem minimal.
Well…at least not until it hits a mostly-white area.
-
And just one more…
JEERS to the mistress of suspense. I'm putting this item down here in the cellar where it belongs. Today is the day a county clerk in Kentucky---Kim Davis, the "family values conservative Christian" with three divorces (so far) notched on her belt---has to stop refusing to do the part of her job that involves issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. After the Supreme Court's Obergefell ruling in June, she's refused to perform that task on "religious freedom" grounds, even though a county clerk's job (at $80k per year) has as much to do with religion as the 2015 Red Sox have to do with deciding where to display this year's World Series trophy. So here's where the standoff stands as of this morning:
Clerk Kim Davis (seen here not doing the
job she's paid to do), is out of time.
> Last week she lost her appeal in Sixth Circuit Court, and then appealed that ruling to the Supreme Court. Yesterday she lost that, too.
> Just before the close of day yesterday, Davis filed an appeal of an appeal…a hail-Mary stall tactic. As a commenter says at the link, "This kind of thing can make a judge very mad when they have issued a clearly written bunch of instructions."
> Davis has been charged with "official misconduct" by Rowan County because she prefers eating bonbons to doing her job. That complaint is now in the Attorney General's hands. The AG is Democrat Jack Conway.
> Oh, and she already married a transgender couple. She just didn't know it until Sunday.
So, long story short: she may get booted by the state, but not before the courts tell her to go pound sand, after which she'll catapult her fame and fortune on the conservative hate circuit. And this is why soap operas are becoming an endangered species: reality keeps lapping fiction.
Have a nice Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Sarah Palin says Bill in Portland Maine is Jesus, basically
---Wonkette
-