I have read with great interest many articles published by the Kos in the past few days, weeks and months.
I want to show solidarity, but for some reason, I reject self-identifying myself as "poor".
There are many reasons for this reluctance
There are many reasons for this reluctance:
The main reason is guilt. I don't want to be unthankful for what resources I have. I have a full time, 39 hour a week job, with all the benefits. I have a seven year old car that is still going strong. Though my sources of food have been exotic, like Ramon noodles every night this week for dinner, or a sudden windfall of abundant leftovers, or being taken out to eat sometimes, I have never gone a day without eating two or more meals. My living situation is a little exotic, too, but it doesn't fit the legal definition of homelessness. I am the welcome "guest" of at least four different residences at night, which I juggle to ensure that my welcome doesn't get worn out. It does mean that if I want to nap or hang out somewhere during the day, I do it in my car, but even that doesn't occur as often as it used to. I also am going to a job in a field that will never suffer layoffs, unless they invent the human android. So basically my getting my degree is an expensive hobby. I traded my freedom for a little economic instability. My school and my employer is paying for part of it. I also, because of my whiteness, am free from the harassment that many poor people face. The sexual harassment is there, but because I'm as old as dirt (46 years old) I have a sense of humor about these situations. I also have paid all my bills on time, and even though I am over 20K in debt, in part from student loans, I have never missed a payment--knock on wood.
The secondary reason is fear.
I simply don't want to speak poverty into my situation or my mind. This is probably the last stubborn remnant of my longtime practice of Charismatic Christianity. It is part superstition. It is also part mental. Mentally it does something to your psyche when you call yourself "poor". I simply don't want to do it. It's like telling yourself you’re "stupid", "fat" or "ugly". Even though I'm sixty pounds overweight, I cannot call myself "fat", but full-figured or big and sexy, but I digress.
Thirdly, If I am "poor", I am "poor" by choice. I can always return to the hostile situation that enabled me a more stable lifestyle. It wasn't physically abusive, only emotionally and financially abusive. I am basically living a lifestyle to protect my hurt feelings. I don't have to go to school and finish my degree, since I already have underwear is full of holes, now, but I am saving my money for when five more bills will kick in this spring. If I do fall on my face, many people in my life will be laughing at me that I have brought it on myself.
I also fear for my safety when writing this article. There is a stigma with poverty, and I fear a violent backlash if my true identity is ever found out. No one wants the shame of having a “poor” in their family, or circle of acquaintances. It would bring great shame to the family. It may get me fired from my job as well, even though I believe I am being paid fairly for the work I do. Some may interpret this article as a complaint.
Nonfluent, or some better phrase someone can come up with, should replace the term "poor", which implies hopelessness. Just as other groups have found less hostile labels for themselves and thrived from it, I think that we should do the same for the group traditionally described as "poor."
I define Nonfluent as owing more money that you make, and having expenses that fluctuate wildly from month to month, and having less than 200 dollars in your checking account. I have a "monthly expenses" spreadsheet, because a "budget" is impossible, but I do try to stay within the lines of a soft budget. I am probably "one tragedy away from homeless", but I qualify that with the word "statistically", not literally.
I just cannot label myself "poor". It will destroy whatever courage I have left.