One of the surer things in life is that somewhere in the cycle of every news story, and I do mean every news story, there will sooner or later be an ambitious attempt by conservative wags to explain why that story demonstrates the malevolent influence of The Liberals. We call this the Limbaugh Rule, for reasons that do not need further explanation, and really the only sport in the process is betting which conservative voice will pipe up with their theory first.
The news story that there were some deflated footballs in a football game is a very big story, and so it requires top-notch explanation. No less than a managing editor of the Daily Caller will do, and so managing editor of the Daily Caller, W. James Antle the Third, has sallied forth to explain why "Deflategate" has seized the nation's attention because The Liberals hate success and want to find fault with Tom Brady, who is too successful for The Liberals to put up with.
A certain amount of jealousy is human nature. But the contempt for Brady’s sustained success goes beyond that. It’s a larger liberal war against success, based on the sentiments expressed by the senior senator in the Pats’ home state, Elizabeth Warren, and then later repeated more pithily by Barack Obama. [...]
I can already hear you saying, “Wait a minute, Antle. I’m no liberal. I’m a true-blue red-state American and I just don’t like the cut of Brady’s cheating-assed jib.”
The liberals have gotten to you anyway.
It is possible that this entire column was written after a poorly thought out bar bet. It is possible that W. James Antle the Third does not exist, but is instead a satirical creation of a pretty damn fine comedy writer—because this is some premium shit. This is the finest uncut powder, and the line goes on and on.
The same politics of envy that liberals exploit to make some people crave tax increases on the wealthy has turned you against the winningest quarterback of our time, a hero to the blue-collar and culturally conservative parts of the Bay State, a true Patriot.
The athleticism required to embrace the New Englandy Patriots as the team of true conservatives in spite of their fully admitted proximal geographic association with Sen. Elizabeth Warren is pretty damn fine as well. I did not know. Granted, I am not personally well versed in where each of America's NFL teams falls on the sociopolitical acceptance spectrum—there's probably a chart somewhere, and W. James Antle the Third is probably deputy archivist of that chart—but it still feels dodgy to me. The rules of football watching are very complex.
I am still not truly convinced Mr. Antle exists, mind you, but the commenters on the site seem convinced of it, so there you go. You probably hate Tom Brady because he is too successful (and has a too-attractive wife. I left that line of the column out but you can fish for it if you like.) and because of the ongoing war waged by Barack Obama against successful people. Conservatives like Tom Brady, however, is why elite America seeks to drag him down with talk of improperly inflated sporting devices.