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Kitchen Table Kibitzing is a community series for those who wish to share part of the evening around a virtual kitchen table with kossacks who are caring and supportive of one another. So bring your stories, jokes, photos, funny pics, music, and interesting videos, as well as links—including quotations—to diaries, news stories, and books that you think this community would appreciate. Readers may notice that most who post diaries and comments in this series already know one another to some degree, but newcomers should not feel excluded. We welcome guests at our kitchen table, and hope to make some new friends as well.
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So many of you who sit around this table spend lots of time communing with nature. Taking walks through parks, hiking the hillside, growing all kinds of wonderful fruits and vegetables. Cooking and canning and freezing and drying and composting. And I admire all of you, even as I do none of it. I thought seriously about getting a zucchini plant, but the thought passed. If I really want to touch the earth and get my hands dirty, my yard brings forth many weeds that I have become quite good at ignoring. I wish the Codes Department would learn how to ignore. But they've rejected my offer to teach them.
My only contacts with nature are the two short roommates.
One day the roommates were sitting next to each other (not a frequent event), and both were engrossed in something that appeared to be on the ceiling. They were in the little bathroom attached to my bedroom. That's the bathroom with just a bit of its renovation done. An electrician has moved some wires around to allow for my new decorative expressions. I thought (after watching lots of renovations on HGTV) having a ceiling light in the shower was an absolute must. While installing it the electrician ran into the air duct, and it became necessary to create a hole larger than the light fixture. I'm going to tile the ceiling, and the drywall has to be replaced, so the size of the hole isn't a problem. Except that it allows for any critter that finds its way to the attic, to enter the house. Until that day, very tiny moths were the only intruders.
So the roommates watched the ceiling and I watched the roommates. And then this tan colored ball ran out of the bathroom and under the bed. At that speed, it looked like one of the roommates' toys. The roommates were slow to move, as they appeared stunned. They cleverly chased the creature into a closet. This is a pretty good representation of the intruder:
It's a Little Striped Whiptail. It has a fancy name, but who cares? The critter is in my closet. Two short roommates are standing guard. And I don't have a clue what to do if/when it emerges. Take a deep breath. Create some calm. Think. Went to the kitchen and fetched a metal mixing bowl. Grabbed a heavy book on my way back.
Finally the critter came out. With absolute finesse, and a hell of a lot of luck, I managed to trap the critter beneath the bowl. Plopped the book on top. He was a feisty little bugger, and probably could have lifted the bowl if not for the weight of the book. Do you know how stupid you feel when a small critter turns you into a crazy person. But I wouldn't be deterred. I sat there feeling smug. I had outsmarted a lizard.
Baby, the Siamese roommate, wouldn't leave the bowl. She could hear the critter scratching. I had to figure out how to get the critter out of the house. I found a piece of poster board, slid it under the bowl, and slid the combo all the way to the front door. I had to lift it to get it over the threshold, which presented my mind with all kinds of possible outcomes. But, miracle or miracles, I managed to get the little bugger outside. I closed the door, lifted the bowl a bit, pointing the opening toward the yard. The bugger ran as fast as it could, never even thanking us for our kind hospitality.
I can understand how a lizard can scale a stucco house and enter a roof vent (not sure how it manages the eaves). I just can't understand why it would want to.
Aren't you glad you've chosen much more fulfilling ways to commune with nature?