Homeless is a series of diaries I have been writing since August 20, 2015, several weeks after I became homeless. PADS is the organization that is in charge of the homeless shelters where I stay nearly every night, and provides assistance signing up for available services, job searches, etc.
Homeless 50 is a compilation of information that might make understanding various acronyms and recognize some of the people a little better. You are welcome to start with Homeless Now and work through the other diaries, but starting with Homeless 50 may give you a jump start.
July 25, 2004 a lurker named star joined Daily Kos as UID 15557. She lurked awhile, then stopped visiting for awhile. When she returned, she tried to log in, but apparently forgot her password, which convinced her that she actually hadn’t registered.
And so on June 26, 2005 sheddhead was born (UID 57153).
I know “sock puppets” are not allowed, but honest to Pete, I didn’t realize that the star entity existed and that it was MINE until a few months ago.
Star has no diaries, comments or mojo. Star is not a trusted user, nor a subscriber.
Sheddhead has posted 363 diaries (364, now), 16140+ comments, bars and bars of mojo, is a trusted user and a subscriber.
Sheddhead wishes her user name was star (and really despises the name sheddhead.)
Star wishes she had sheddhead’s creds.
Sheddhead and star are slightly concerned that she may be a little schizophrenic. Or, that she may sound that way. Curse them!
Anyway, that’s my deep dark Kossack secret – sorry Kos, please don’t delete my f%cking account!
And now, back to the world of interim housing shelters and the like…
Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed toward my planned new (or less used) tires, un-cracked windshield, work or interview clothes, and small safety net in case I don’t make it into the shelter for a night or two, as requested in Homeless 66 – A Plea for Help.
Yesterday was the meeting with Will, in charge of the shelters. I think I mentioned that in yesterday’s diary. He had implied that I would get added to the guaranteed pad list and had me work with my caseworker (Tim) to complete an application, a long and intrusive survey, and a health survey. I won’t say he lied, but… that changed, apparently. He just wants to fill a 6-week group of people with Medical Issues, so those participating in the group will get a pad for the night of the group meeting (Friday, starting tonight.)
Thing is: I’m not going to sleep in the family site. I keep hearing horrible, horrible stories about how crowded they are and how out-of-control the new families are (the ones apparently ‘bussed in’ from other counties?) And how pissed off these mothers get when asked to restrain their out of control children.
Nope, not going to happen. I’ll go to the meeting and then drive to Wood Dale – but I’d better have a pad reserved for me, since I won’t make it for the lottery. Or, I’ll just go to Wood Dale. Either one works fine for me. <<< That’s me, being assertive. Easy to do, virtually.
It was another strange morning at the First United Methodist Church of West Chicago. Remember yesterday (Our Savior, Carol Stream) we had woken up to find no volunteers. This morning there weren’t just volunteers. These volunteers were waiting to pounce on your pad and put it away, if you got up after 5 am. (Lights aren’t even turned on until 6 am.) It was very much a feeling of, “Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?”
Also: we had no Terry (aka “Terry the Troll”) at the site. I won’t say there weren’t a few cheers because of that, because there were.
I did keep waking up, checking my phone for emails and playing Fruit Blast every couple of hours, it seemed. At 4:20, I went to the bathroom, and found Candy in there.
I’m starting to realize: my attempts to help out Candy are just as hopeless as Candy’s obsession with Becky.
Because yes, Candy started in again about Becky and how people think she stole stuff from Becky, now.
“What makes you think that?” I asked, stupidly. “I haven’t heard ANYONE say ANYTHING since Linebacker Harpy brought it up, more than a week ago.”
“Well, I left on bed rest right after the things went missing. I blame PADS.”
“Um, PADS didn’t force you to take bed rest, or to seek it out.”
“Well, I was feeling so sick.”
“I know, and it was good that you took bed rest and recovered, but that wasn’t CAUSED by PADS.”
“Katherine thinks I did something.”
“Huh? Who?”
“You know, the black lady who drives the bus and uses her car for Uber or whatever?”
“Oh yeah, Kathy. She what?”
“She always used to come into the bathroom with me here or at St. Isidore’s or Our Savior’s and did her hair while I got ready. We talked a lot.”
(Oh, dear heavens… I can see it barreling down the tracks like a freight train.)
“She’s sitting at one of the tables out there, instead of in here,” she continued.
“She’s sat at the tables early in the morning lots of times. I’ve seen her there,” I replied, because – you know, I’d seen her sitting at the tables.
“This morning, she opened the door, saw me in here, and went back out and sat at one of the tables.”
(BINGO!!!)
(Ok, I can’t deal with this right now…)
“All I can tell you is that I’ve seen her at the tables, not doing her hair, just kind of vegging. And I think the only person worked up over the Becky thing is you – everyone else has let it go, but you keep stirring it up.”
“I went out there and told Kathy I had nothing to do with it.”
(OH FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER – YOU DID NOT DO SOMETHING THAT STUPID…)
“I’m going back to bed, see you later.”
So, here’s what was floating around my brain, and has not been spoken:
I’ve tried to get you to drop the Becky conversations because I consider you my friend, and as I’ve tried to point out gently and with humor that you come out of those stories looking like the world’s most gullible idiot. But you keep bringing them up.
You think Kathy left the bathroom after seeing you there this morning because she thinks you are a thief, or that you are being untrue to Becky, or something like that. Whatever. I think Kathy left the bathroom after seeing you there for the same reason I’d be inclined to leave: She didn’t want to hear another (or worse, the same damn) whiny story where you lay out your paranoias and blame countless others for your unhappiness based on what you think happened, or what you believe was meant in a coded message.
You may feel that this is an attack on you, like the threats you inferred from what Mikey said, or like other events you’ve interpreted and then relayed to me. It’s not meant to be that. It's simply the truth - something I've presented to you quietly, loudly, with jokes, with platitudes - something you've agreed with, more than once. And then ignored - or forgot about - the next time you decided someone was talking about you without any proof of that.
You also said you were looking into anger management. Good. I’m not sure why you are angry at people for what you think they think… but you’re right – anyone would need help managing that type of anger, since it’s not based on reality.
Yeah. That’s what I didn’t say. And I bet I never will. But, I’ll sure be thinking something like it. And unless something new and interesting comes up (like I actually say it, and Candy punches me in the nose), I'll try not to bring up the Candy/Becky saga again.
That’s the news from the homeless in the Lisle Public Library.
© 2015 sheddhead – not to be used without written consent of the author, unless quoting portions of this diary on DailyKos, with links back to the original quotation