Dailykos 5.0 is up and running, to the tune of a variety of gripes. Naturally, our benevolent dailykos overlords will fix all these problems and improve on them for Dailykos 6.0. I have the inside scoop on the features for the next site redesign.
But first, a word from our sponsors!
Top Comments recognizes the previous day's Top Mojo and strives to promote each day's outstanding comments through nominations made by Kossacks like you. Please send comments (before 9:30pm ET) by email to topcomments@gmail.com or by our KosMail message board. Just click on the *Spinning Top™* to make a submission. Look for the Spinning Top™ to pop up in diaries posts around *Daily Kos.*
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Please come in. You're invited to make yourself at home! Join us beneath the orange panic button...
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1. Surrounding white space can be changed to beige, lavender, blue, rainbow colors, orange croissant pattern, or camouflage. (But not red — that might bring protests from the Christmas Warriors who are currently busy bothering Starbucks.)
2. Links to comments not only go directly to the appropriate comment, they include an optional sidebar explaining what the commenter was thinking, what they were drinking, and/or who they stole the snark from.
3. Instead of Troll, Hide, or Flag functions, an algorithm will pre-detect trollish comments, and yell “Nanny-nanny-boo-boo!” when they hit Publish, then replace their comment with a recipe.
4. Quarantined area for “primary wars” and meta-meta-diaries, accessible to those who want to see it but invisible to the rest. With pie, obviously.
5. Site can be read from smart phone, tablet, flip phone (Tara TASW only), or dash screen of a hovercar, which will have been invented just to read Dailykos on.
6. Top pictures will be reinstated, plus top tunes, top tweets, and top “what was that thing I was going to tell my partner about but forgot?”
7. “New comment” indicator, and also one for “Technically new, but really just the same as the last 20 comments.”
8. Your avatar will be 20% better looking, 15% funnier, and 37% smarter than the real you.
9. Every comment will automatically include a cat picture. (Eventually, in Dkos 7.0, there will be the option to include other cute animals, but cats will remain the default.)
10. There will still be rock crusher spam. Sorry.
It’s unknown if they’ll get rid of the big red DON’T PUSH button. Leave your suggestions for further improvements below.
On to top comments!
From Belinda Ridgewood:
I'm a little dubious about links to comments now, but this is unquestionably a Top Comment, so let's try.
The Chinese are in Syria?
Well, someone is creating this big energy field in Iraq, and since the Klingons took all of the dilithium crystals from the Iranians, the only group left with them was the Chinese. The Chinese are using the energy fields from the dilithium crystals to power their cloaking devices, which is why you can’t see them-- either in Syria OR on their trips back and forth to the Pyramids to get their grains. And their spice, of course, cuz under the Pyramids the spice is safe from the Sandworms, and the Jawas.
(Note from Tara: Joan McCarter also submitted yashko’s comment, as did Ender, and middleagedhousewife, who called it “a beautiful, hilarious, perfect parody of Carsonese.” )
From Smileycreek:
Yeah, let's see if Ben Carson could survive the scrutiny it takes to become a citizen.(To tonight's topcomments diarist, my best wishes to you posting tonight. I know and appreciate all the effort that goes into building a tc diary. )
Comment is from Fang hua, in Laura Clawson’s diary Ben Carson suffers undiagnosed head trauma, forgets entire Obama presidential campaign:
Do people actually understand that the Republican right actually challenged the existence of Barak Obama. When Obama put his birth certificate on the internet, they questioned even that.
I know what that feels like. During the immigration process, I had to prove everything that legitimizes me as a person. First, that I exist, and that my name is what it is. I had to go over my childhood, explain every photograph, and answer if I spelled a family member’s name wrong, or got the husband of an aunt mixed up with the husband of another aunt.
I had people coming in my house seeing if my husband and I live in the same house, going into our bedroom and looking into the closet and dresser drawers to see if dresses were hung next to suits, or panties next to briefs. How would you like it for you to be separated from your husband or wife, and asked questions about your personal habits?
I don't feel sorry one bit for Ben Carson. If I would have told half the lies he told in his book about his childhood, my ass would be in China right now.
If I can take the vetting to become an American, he can take the vetting it would take to become the President of the United States.
From your humble (if antisocial) diarist:
In her diary I hereby announce my candidacy for the GOP Presidential nomination, Elsaf offers this platform:
My platform:
1. If I am elected, we will institute a flat tax to replace the income tax. Tax collections will be capped at $5 per taxpayer. Anyone with an income above $250,000 a year will be exempted from taxes entirely. We’ll make up the difference in revenue with volume.
2. If I am elected, we will deport all people who don’t look just like you to the new colony on Mars.
3. If I am elected, my first act will be to enact legislation to declare climate change null and void. Then we will craft legislation to repeal Newton’s 1st Law, because Newton was English and we don’t need any foreign laws!
4. If I am elected we will have a maximum wage, not a minimum wage. The maximum wage will only apply to hourly workers. It will be capped at $1 an hour. This will result in maximum employment and we will be able to abolish all those costly food stamp and welfare programs because everyone will have a job!
5. If I am elected, we will replace “Cap and Trade” with “Dump and Spew.”
6. If I am elected, we will drill EVERYWHERE. I won’t stop until everyone in America has an oil rig in their back yard.
7. If elected, I will declare war on Canada. Think of the savings of fighting someone who’s right here.
8. If elected, I will make “Merry Christmas” the official and only allowable greeting year around!
Top mojo, thanks to our very hard-working mik:
Picture quilt is still borked. Please look at the nearest cat and think of a caption.