From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Aung San Suu Kyi for the Win
I don't know if you've been following the election in Myanmar, but it's turning out to be the landslide of landslides. C&J's most trusted news source, the Taiwanese Animators, are on it:
What happens now is anyone's guess, but it’s already riveting. What a turnaround for that country.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 12, 2015
Note: Tomorrow may be Friday the 13th, but C&J will appear as scheduled because we are rugged and brave. And we know that you'll draw from our strength and stare down the cursed day with steely-eyed resolve. [Push!] We're behind you all the way.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Hanukkah: 24
Days 'til BeerFest For BeerGeeks in Studio City, California: 9
Number of rape kits from 262 Florida agencies that have not been tested yet, according to AP: 11,000
Percent by which CO2 levels are now higher than they were before the industrial revolution, according to the U.N.'s World Meteorological Organization: 143%
Jobs that ere created in October, according to the Labor Department: 271,000
Temperature of the steam that melted 20 years of gum off of the "Gum Wall" at Pike Place Market in Seattle: 280 degrees
Estimated pounds of gum removed from the wall: 2,200
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
[N]o review of congressional nastiness is complete without a special salute to Sen. Jesse Helms of North Carolina. What a busy few weeks he's had. First, he scuttled the Comprehensive Nuclear Test Ban Treaty because we're so much better off with nuclear bombs going off all over the globe. Then he did his best to scuttle the ambassadorial nomination of former Illinois Sen. Carol Moseley-Braun, a black woman, because she once had the temerity to object to the Confederate flag in a federal patent. ("I'm going to sing 'Dixie' to her until she cries," Helms told another senator after getting on an elevator with Moseley-Braun during that flap.)
Then he topped even that by having Capitol police remove 10 congresswomen from a Senate hearing. Helms had ignored all previous attempts by the congresswomen to speak with him about a treaty to eliminate discrimination against women---a treaty signed by 165 nations, but not the United States. The congresswomen came quietly into the hearing room to present Helms with a letter about the treaty and were standing quietly in the back of the room when Helms gaveled the proceedings to a halt and scolded Rep. Lynn Woolsey: "Please, be a lady." Then he had them taken out.
You elected them, folks---especially those of you who didn't vote.
---November 1999
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
Shelby's first raindrops
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CHEERS to a living wage. Fast-food workers mobilized again this week, staging their largest-ever walkouts in some 270 cities:
“The Fight for $15 movement is one of the most powerful examples of collective action. Having a voice on the job is a basic right. Using that voice and demanding it be heard is both courageous and inspiring. These workers deserve $15 an hour and a union,” said AFL-CIO president Richard Trumka in a statement on Tuesday. “Whether advocating for social justice or raising wages, working people are beginning to fully realize the power of standing together. These are the movements that will make our workplaces fairer and our communities better.”
To show their solidarity and support, many customers refused to eat in fast-food restaurants on Tuesday. Not sure who was happier with them---the striking employees or their own cardiovascular systems.
JEERS to embarrassing America. Egyptians with fancy degrees who are experts on stuff that's really, really old have examined Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson's claim that the really really old pyramids were storehouses for grain. They've carefully considered all of Carson's supporting evidence, weighed it against existing scientific consensus, fully vetted it through a peer-review process, held serious discussions, and have come to the following sober, impartial consensus:
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!
That's through Google translator. My Rosetta Stone app says it’s more like "Heh."
CHEERS to Sanders on the stump. If you're in the Cleveland area on Monday, Bernie wants you to lend him your ears as he delivers another barnburner. Details:
Monday, November 16
Wolstein Center at Cleveland State University, 2000 Prospect Ave. E, Cleveland 7 p.m.
Doors open at 6 p.m.
The event is free and open to the public. Tickets are not required, but an RSVP is strongly encouraged. Admission is first come, first served.
To RSVP, just click here. Man, I hope the Wolstein Center is big enough. It only holds 13,600 people. ("Hello, ACME Overflow Tents…?")
P.S. This just in: Bernie has added to more events to this weekend’s schedule in Iowa: Des Moines and Indianola. Directions: drive ‘til you hit the cornfield, turn left at the cornfield, then right at the cornfield, then straight ahead until you hit the cornfield.
CHEERS and JEERS to the comeback kid. The big question surrounding Tuesday night's Republican debate (besides "Will Ben Carson show up with a pulse?") was whether or not Jeb Bush would stoke the fire in his belly enough to stage a comeback. I didn’t watch it, so I'm relying on the titans of the media to deliver the verdict. So let's see: the debate banished gloom for Republican Jeb Bush…no, wait, he missed his big opportunity in Milwaukee…no, wait, he stopped the bleeding...except he needed to be special and instead he was boring…but he also kept the vultures at bay…but in the end he was just poor, sad, pathetic Jeb Bush. We hope this clears things up.
CHEERS to famous firsts. On November 12, 1964, Ohio-born Paula Murphy set a female land speed record while behind the wheel of the 10,000 horsepower "Avenger." Her top speed as she tore across a Utah salt flat (with a pillow behind her so she could reach the pedals): 243.44 mph.
Yes, she got the parking space.
CHEERS to today's edition of Yes! Somebody Finally Said It! John Bel Edwards is the Democrat running for governor of Louisiana. His opponent: Current Senator and procurer of fine prostitutes both at home and in D.C. "Diaper David" Vitter. John and Dave had a debate Tuesday night, and the money quote from Edwards to Vitter gets an automatic admission to the American Political Debate Hall of Fame:
"You're a liar and you're a cheater and you're a stealer and I don't tolerate that."
This has been today's edition of Yes! Somebody Finally Said It!
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 12, 2005
CHORTLES to predictions gone slightly askew. We stumbled across an issue of Newsweek from December 2, 2002. In the letters section is this gem from Kelly Flanagan of Pennsylvania, re: the Democratic setback after the 2002 elections:
Republicans were victorious on Election Day because Americans see a man in the White House they can trust, and they believed him when he endorsed Republican candidates. Trustworthiness was a characteristic sorely lacking in the White House during the last presidency, and until Democrats come to understand that, they will have a hard time winning."
Care for a little mustard and ketchup as you eat those words, Kells?
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And just one more…
JEERS to mostly sunny skies with a chance of whale blubber showers. Ever wonder why no one blows up dead whales anymore? Great question! On November 12, 1970, the Oregon Highway Division, which apparently controls what goes on down at the shoreline too, thought they could get rid of a rotting beached whale by "vaporizing it" with dynamite and turning it into bite-size snacks for the local wildlife to feast on. But it didn’t quite turn out that way. Behold our annual play-by-play of the "exploding whale incident":
Join us next week when we'll explain why they don’t do turkey drops anymore, either. Ain't learnin' a kick.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Any president who doesn't begin every day on his knees in the C&J kiddie pool isn’t fit to be Commander-in-Chief."
---Ted Cruz
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