Some posters indicated that my snark was a little too undetectable. I am sure that is my fault for not being more obvious. Please know that this is satirical, thus the #Sarcasm Tag. The point is that these conservative beliefs, if true would invalidate one another.
Look, I know it is easy to accuse certain conservatives of racism, Islamophobia, xenophobia, or other forms of bigotry, but that is not fair you see. You just are not thinking it through. Take these three simple fact-based beliefs, which are free of any narrow-minded fear or intolerance.
I. The Border
Look, it is nothing to do with bigotry, but immigration is a giant concern, despite record lows, because our borders are so unsecure it is easy to just walk right into the country. That is a huge security risk. I know resources are limited because we overtax our billionaires and corporate citizens, but obviously, the best way to deal with this threat is to go after people already here, who are trying to work instead of targeting those resources at more dangerous undocumented immigrants.
II. Syrian Refugee Crisis
Again, no bigotry at all, but we cannot help refugees be because rather than simply walk across the aforementioned border, it is obvious that terrorists will choose to take the slower and less certain, but more entertaining path and:
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Hide amongst millions and millions of Syrian refugees who are fleeing ISIL and hate these terrorist sleeper for destroying their lives.
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Manage to get through multiple interviews by the he Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) which only refers those refugees it finds to be most vulnerable and in need.
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Get referred to the US.
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Go through another year-and-a-half-to-two-years of background checks, interviews, biometric scans by the FBI, DHS, and the Department of Defense
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Hope that some fellow terrorist also make it through.
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Arrive, with their fellow lucky terrorists in the US among the most scrutinized group of immigrants in our history
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With these colleagues, either organize and mount an attack from a monitored settlement or choose to leave, secure in the knowledge that they are not being watched closely by US intelligence, I am sure they are not going to wonder why a small group of refugee strangers suddenly left together.
III. Racism
Anyway, #BlackLivesMatter is offensive. Seriously, why do you keep seeing bigotry? It is obvious that rather than address racial disparity in our justice system, we should try to be inclusive. We should really say #AllLivesMatter (Other than the refugees we should leave to die, because, hey, some lives matter more am-I-right? You know who I’m talking about… Lives like us)
See, you feel silly for wasting time talking about bigotry when it was so obvious that bigotry is just something that non-whites or non-Christians blame because of their own failures and inadequacies, which as you know, most of them have.