December 20, 2016 Washington, D.C. — For her efforts during the presidential campaign, former-Democratic National Committee Chair Debbie Wasserman Shultz resigned from the DNC and joined the forming Cabinet of President-elect Hillary Clinton as her Deputy Secretary of State, acting under soon-to-be Secretary of State Huma Abedin.
Even though the Democratic Party suffered horrendous loses in the local and state races ensuring another ten years of gerrymandering after the 2020 census, Chair Wasserman Shultz made sure voter enthusiasm stay at an all time low until the voting public was rather to settle for Hillary.
“From lining up the super delegates behind me before even the first debate,” stated the victorious President-elect Clinton, accepting Wasserman’s resignation while giving Wasserman her offer letter, “To finding a media black holes of Star Wars proportions for all the other debates, Debbie did her best to make this a cakewalk for me. The DNC knew I was going to be the candidate so early they gave me free office space all the way back in the summer of 2015! It’s like she knows all my secrets! Thanks Deputy Secretary Wasserman Shlutz, nobody does America like Debbie!”
The Deputy Secretary of State could not be reached for comment as she was headed to a private celebration being held in her honor at Fort Marcy Park.