When I was 17 years old I was in a program in high school to expose us to careers in the health care field. One day as I was following the nurse on her rounds, we entered the infant ward to observe a circumcision when they brought in a little newborn baby boy; he was all wrapped up and screaming and crying for mommy. I could not help but to stare at this tiny newborn and how hysterical he was. Here is this tiny creature barely new to the world and all he wants is to be held by his mother. The doctor took the baby with the nurses assisting and exposed his penis from beneath the blanket. The medical professionals then began to stroke the shaft in order that it be made erect for the procedure to take place. The baby began to become calmer and his crying eased a little as the doctor then placed a metal rod rod on the tip in order that the foreskin be pull up around it. Then, with a quick stroke of the razor, cut it off. The crying baby immediately stopped screaming and his eyes rolled up into the back of his head as the pain of it caused him to nearly pass out. It was horrendous to see that done to a baby.
Later that night I was speaking with my grandmother over the telephone and after relaying the story I ended with, "thank God I was never circumcised," to which she was surprised and said of course I was. After hearing that, I went into a state of shock and spent a good hour in the bathroom sobbing uncontrollably while staring at the scar tissue. Up until then I thought that is what a penis looked like; mine looked like my father's and brothers'. How would I know what an uncircumcised one looked like when I had never known mine looked different from what I was born with.
I thought to myself, "thank god I don't remember that happening." After reading about how much more hygienic it was than an uncircumcised one and hey, Jesus was circumcised, it became a source of pride and how could anyone not get that tidy operation; better as a baby when he won't remember it than as an adult. That memory quickly faded as I began to enter the world after high school.
The next 22 years passed, this incident remained largely forgotten about until the beginning of this year when that memory flashed back to the forefront of my mind due to the overwhelming circumstances I found myself immersed in.
For many years I have been the one stable family member amidst alcoholics and drug addicts. Year after year of my life was spent supporting and saving loved ones from themselves. During this time I was unable to establish a career nor form a loving relationship with a significant other as too much of my time and resources went to helping family members in their addictions and psychological problems. Many a caring friend have advised me to break off all contact as the stress was breaking me emotionally and mentally. At the end of 2014 I had finally reached the breaking point after another failed attempt at a relationship due in no small part to once again dedicating myself to helping a family member get off of the street due to alcohol abuse. During this episode it came to light that when this person was a young child (7-8) he had been molested by an older brother of one of his childhood friends. Being a child he had no way to tell anyone as children are not equipped mentally to be able to verbalize or say what happened to them. Instead they live in shame, confusion and anger, and as the years pass, these suppressed emotions tend to manifest as psychological problems as they begin to believe themselves somehow broken and strange. While this epiphany overtook my mind, I began to see those same symptoms in other people I knew.
Survivors often experience conflictual relationships and chaotic lifestyles, frequently report difficulties forming adult intimate attachments and display behaviors that threaten and disrupt close relationships.
Adults Surviving Child Abuse
As I escaped to a hide-away to process the impact of what I had observed in people close to me, forcing themselves to live with this dark secret (these were not the first nor would they be the last confrontations with survivors of child abuse that took me be surprise), I began to look upon my own life. Things as dark as molestation are things that I always associated with Catholic Priests and some strange men who prey on children at the park. It always seemed like such a paranoid joke that there were molesters and abusers around every corner, but one after another, people I was randomly meeting began to open up about abuse in their families. In some cases it was
incest within entire families, and they seemed to
stretch back for generations.
As I researched the subject of effects of molestation and child abuse I began to notice similarities to my own life and way of thinking. I began to think upon my childhood and how I have so few memories before the age of 8. One of the things my research showed me was that because children (especially young ones) are still learning the world around them, when traumatic events happen, the child mind will suppress the memory in order to protect itself from the pain. A small part of the child's psych is trapped in an avoidance loop.
Repressed memory theory is controversial as some people have recovered false memories. One of the problems with this theory is that how can one prove a memory from the past with no ability to verify if the details are correct? I for one do believe that they are real, but the question remains; if you have no memory of periods of your childhood, does that mean your childhood did not happen? If a childhood is bad enough and filled with physical or emotional abuse, that childhood is effectively lost. In my own search as to why I did not remember large chunks, I found out from my father how much fighting was occurring between him and my mother during those years. It was a constant battle due to family circumstances of finances and a history of two families filled with alcoholism. I only remember the good parts of my early childhood. I cannot remember one argument between my parents and only remember the good parts. Unfortunately, the good parts are too few. I did not even realize that my father left for six months in a separation. That child whose father disappeared must have been devastated and repressed the verbal and emotional war between adults taking place around him. The adult manifests behaviors which are irrational and childish, quick tempers, avoidance of responsibility, seeking to always have fun in order to try and reclaim that period of his or her's life where the child was supposed to be loved and have fun; the childhood that did not happen. That creates a dysfunctional adult.
For children that are sexualized through molestation or other means at a young age, the association between sexual pleasure and childhood become linked, creating an adult who will consciously or subconsciously seek sexual gratification through children. Most people with these thoughts do not act on them, however, one look at the demand for child pornography or sexual fantasies involving minors through written erotica or cartoons reveal a statistically frightening number of people with these thoughts. That is often a sign that something happened in those people's childhoods to create that desire in an adult. Many associations such as NAMBLA (National Association of Man Boy Love) insist on arguing it is wholesome and natural and that society is just repressive. Those men feel they were born that way; I say they were made that way at a young age and just believe they are that way because they were too young to remember what happened. In addition we cannot find out because our society actually makes it illegal for those individuals to seek treatment which may unlock the source of the abuse. Instead they are met by violent men like myself, who for a long time believed that child predators needed to have bad things happen to them. Now I believe they need love and therapy as much as anyone else. The abused became the abusers. (forgive me for using Cracked 5 Ways We Misunderstand Pedophilia as a source, but they can be very informative in a deceptively entertaining way)
Repression is one of the most haunting concepts in psychology. Something shocking happens, and the mind pushes it into some inaccessible corner of the unconscious. Later, the memory may emerge into consciousness. Repression is one of the foundation stones on which the structure of psychoanalysis rests.
The Reality of Repressed Memories
Having so little memories, I still felt something more traumatic occurred and I began to search my own mind, thereby eliminating sources of abuse one by one until one day while sitting with a Catholic Priest by coincidence and hearing him talk about the reformation taking place as the new pope is trying to atone for the horrible corruption leading to all of the abused victims of pedophile priests, the memory of watching the circumcision take place came flooding back.
If you understand the emotional effects of molestation and/or physical abuse on children, you will understand what circumcision is:
The act of stroking the shaft of the child to cause the penis to become erect is de facto masturbation. The child has all of the same physical sensations of genital stimulation as an adult, even if not fully developed. The child's screaming calmed as he became relaxed due to the stimulation. Next the rod came, followed by the scalpel and in one smooth stroke, severed thousands of nerve endings in a split second sending unimaginable pain into the brain of that baby; it is the akin to cutting a female's clitoral hood. Instead of being born into a world of love, he was born into a world of pain and a disconnected psychopath is born. That baby would probably spend the weeks reliving that pain every time his wound was rubbed.
Results indicate that childhood sexual abuse is associated with higher PCL-R total scores and facets tapping a grandiose and manipulative interpersonal style, impulsive-irresponsible lifestyle, and antisocial behavior. Also, childhood physical abuse and neglect are associated with antisocial behavior. Emotional detachment traits of psychopathy (i.e., lack of empathy, shallow affect) are associated with childhood neglect for child molesters
Associations among childhood abuse and psychopathy facets in male sexual offenders[bold is mine]
The foreskin is not dead skin that falls off, it serves a purpose of keeping the head of the penis moist as the glands excrete fluids much as your eyelids keep your eyeball moist as well as increasing the pleasure from stimulation. Metaphorically it is akin to cutting off the eyelid as the genitals will no longer be in a natural state of sensitivity and lubrication. The human genitals are also linked to the pineal glad which needs to function to maintain proper hormone balance in the body. Those of you who are more esoterically inclined can make of that what you like, however, it is not important to overall arc of this diary. ["one-eyed monster," "third eye"?]
Wiki-Pineal Gland
Psychologically speaking, the newborn has been given stimuli and response at an age when the power of his logical mind cannot overcome what has happened. The medical professionals inadvertently caused the subconscious mind of that infant to associate the pleasure of his first erection with pain and suffering. The physical procedure destroys the child's natural right to experience life on his own terms as an adult. In itself, this will not cause the obvious outward manifestation of psychological or behavior problems, yet there will always be an unresolved psychological effect to keep healthy behavior slightly unbalanced and that is only assuming that no more childhood trauma accumulates, which in our world is unlikely. See NLP Anchoring
Children that are inadvertently left with child molesters and or violent predators, will begin to follow the abuser. It can be a form of mind control as the victim, in order to please the torturer, will begin to sympathize and become like the abuser. As an adult they will be running subconscious programming place there by the programmer.
Stockholm syndrome refers to a group of psychological symptoms that occur in some persons in a captive or hostage situation. It has received considerable media publicity in recent years because it has been used to explain the behavior of such well-known kidnapping victims as Patty Hearst (1974) and Elizabeth Smart (2002).
Stockholm Syndrome
As Elizabeth Smart said of her abduction, she
"didn't feel human." She was old when she was abducted, sexually raped and abused;
she knew what was happening and she was still turned into a slave. A victim who is younger will not have the rational mind to know what is happening is bad, again, repression.
They will feel as if they are aliens among humans. They feel different and disconnected from their fellow human beings, they may even begin to feel special and superior, allowing them to treat others as if the other people are not real human beings with emotions just like them. In the most extreme form of psychopathy they may become a child molester, serial killers, or become CEOs and work on Wall Street stealing pensions of the elderly. The most seemingly inhuman behavior is often traced back to events in a person's early development which they are unaware of, and no rational person could imagine happening.
A child that is circumcised will never know what pleasure an uncircumcised person feels. His birthright of having choice has been stolen. The only objective test would be to have an uncut man volunteer to be cut and report the results. I personally believe that the pleasure center to which the genitals are connected are desensitized during the traumatic pain and that leads to pleasure seeking addictions to food, sugar, masturbation, alcohol, drugs, etc in an attempt to fill that void. I will provide no link as this is my own theory, but one that I believe is backed up by what studies there are that somehow are not mainstream news.
Memory starts before birth and newborn infants have fully functioning pain pathways. One would expect, therefore, to find psychological effects associated with the painful genital cutting operation.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a normal response to an abnormal event. Neonatal genital cutting is an event in which a newborn infant experiences extreme levels of pain, terror, and helplessness, so it fulfills the criteria as a psychogenic for PTSD.
Doctors Opposing Circumcision
So why do we do it? Why are MILLIONS and generations doing this? For the same reason we have a hard time eradicating Female Genital Mutilation in Africa.
1. Proponents offer vague hygienic reasons (I might get a cavity, but I am not going to remove my teeth as a form of prevention), but the biggest reason,
2. TRADITION and tradition is never questioned, even among the progressive and enlightened west. Hey, Jesus was circumcised!
53) His disciples said to Him, "Is circumcision beneficial or
not?"
He said to them, "If it were beneficial, their father would
beget them already circumcised from their mother. Rather, the
true circumcision in spirit has become completely profitable."Gospel Of Thomas Saying 53
Oops.
No, it comes from a movement in the 18th century to keep little boys from masturbating. It was an attempt to control male sexuality just as female genital mutilation is an attempt to control female sexuality.
A remedy which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision, especially when there is any degree of phimosis. The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment, as it may well be in some cases. The soreness which continues for several weeks interrupts the practice, and if it had not previously become too firmly fixed, it may be forgotten and not resumed.
John Harvey Kellog
Both are barbaric and the true irony is that the very act trying to control little boys invariably leads to some becoming violent and sexual abusive monsters unleashed on society to create more monsters.
It does not matter whether I am right or wrong in this. The practice is already illegal in the USA even if no one knows it. I found this by accident in the 2014 Florida Statue on child abuse:
3. Knowingly or willfully abuses a child and in so doing causes great bodily harm, permanent disability, or permanent disfigurement to the child.(bold is mine)
Do we practice Male Genital Mutilation? Yes or no?
This is a standard definition of child abuse. Every hospital in every state is in violation of prohibitions against child abuse. Every hospital and doctor is liable. No one cleared my consent nor the consent of newborns to permanently disfigure us and once other men wake up to what has been done, then healing of our society can begin.
Do we practice Male Genital Mutilation? Yes or no?
As you read this, a scared little baby was taken into a white sterile room with a man with a scalpel...
Do we practice Male Genital Mutilation? Yes or no?
True men are meant to protect women and children; not be predators of them. If you in anyway find a grain of truth in this diary, I will hope you will not remain silent. Please share on Facebook as diaries here have a very short shelf life when they do not get recs.
In memory to Michael Hastings and in honor of Pope Francis who reminds me so much of his inspiration, Saint Francis of Assisi:
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.
O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.
With special love for the kind people of Dresden.
And now I would like to add a little musical styling from the great musical mystic from England, Scroobius Pip, just because:
Rappers Battle
2:02 PM PT: I removed the link to NAMBL's website as I only meant to point out they are using a twisted form of logic to justify their beliefs. Only defeating arguments with facts is true debate. Truth needs be told once, lies need to be constantly repeated.
3:10 PM PT: Interesting, but as I write this the poll stands at 10-27 and yet almost all of the comments are just a tad mean. That means a little over 25% are just too bashful to subject themselves to dKos ridicule. Don't worry guys, that is starting to change.
3:14 PM PT: Had to make a quick edit in my previous update from "right" to "write" as honesty is important.
4:04 PM PT: HR'd and banned for comments that were polite? You guys are something else. At least I get to sign off and cannot reply to comments. Do a little experiment tonight. Take a little bit of foreskin and give it a tiny little snip with some scissors and tell me that is acceptable to do to newborns. Ciao
7:04 PM PT: Wow...someone thinks I am someone who used to be Realitybites? I have never even seen that name before. I am not that person, sorry. Also, if you are leaving comments in an open forum with a reply button, best believe I might respond. If that is trolling than every single comment on this entire website that disagrees with what the commenter said is "trolling." Also, some of you noticed I rec'd a few comments. That was only because I found your comment either insightful or funny and it made me smile. Sorry that you cannot take a compliment and need to label me as a Troll. Fortunately this is a very public forum and any new eyes that read this can see the discussion. Depending on who is reading; either I will appear insane or you will. I am only here for the people who might be open minded to new ideas. As far as whoever said that I am "clearly not Jewish," you clearly do not know me. I would tell you but it is hugely gross and negligent to attack another person over their faith or religion or lack there-of. I did not expect to find that level of hate here. You cannot mask barbarism behind Tradition. That will not cut it in the future because enough eyes have seen this diary that I don't need to write another one about this subject. Many of you keep pointing out adults who have the procedure done, but we are not talking about adults who CHOOSE it, are we? I care more for the care and safety of the children of this world than you can possibly imagine, and if you cannot comprehend or understand that level of love, you probably cannot love. This little community is not the totality of the world and this discussion is going to continue on the streets out in the real one and it will spread. So many comments to respond to and no one else to do it, but you guys banned me from responding. You are toothless dogs and you will all be left smiling at what a good job you did of purifying your playground of "undesirables" that you will be shocked with the world leaves you behind. Goodnight and thank you for giving me so much hate tonight. I see many of you for what you are now and so do others. Oh, that poll..39 to 53 as I write this while it started out at 1-11. Think about it.
Sat Feb 14, 2015 at 9:55 AM PT: I fixed some grammatical errors in the diary:
1. removed an "a" accidentally placed in front of a plural
2. removed a comma that was not necessary
3. deleted a redundant line, "I have always been the functional one in the family, but as" as I already used this phrase earlier.
4. Hat tip to this MisterFred for his comment correcting my confusion of the clitoral hood with the clitoris itself. I made that correction as well. Unless he thinks cutting the hood at birth would be acceptable, then the comparison is still in play. I doubt many on dKos would allow that in our hospitals any more than they would allow the full procedure.