CPAC is no stranger to inviting raving lunatics to speak at their events. They certainly outdid themselves this year by not only inviting Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson to speak, but by honoring him with the Andrew Breitbart Defender of the First Amendment Award. The people in the conference room over at Citizens United who dreamed up that perfectly ridiculous name were surely wearing tricorn hats fashioned from the finest tinfoil of our time.
Robertson delivered the goods and what an unhinged rant it was. One for the ages to be sure. Robertson babbled on with his usual schtick well over his allotted time. What with his messianic complex, this just couldn't be helped. He has a lot of rant in him. Yet few might have seen coming the three minutes of spittle-inflected cray-cray Robertson unleashed on his equally rant-filled audience.
Going retro on CPAC's ass, Robertson took America to task for allowing the beatniks and the hippies to deliver us into STD hell in a tie-dyed handbasket. Even though I spent a considerable amount time transcribing his lip-bibbling, do watch the video if you can. There is just no possible way to capture his thundering admonishments in words alone.
Watch the video and read more on Robertson's ridiculousness below the fold.
I got my facts from the CDC the day before yesterday, 110 million, 110 million Americans now have a sexually transmitted illness. 110 million? I'm looking at it and I said I don't want you, America, to get sick. I don't want you to become ill. I don't want you to come down with a debilitating disease. I don't want you to die early. You're disease free and she's disease free, you marry. You keep your sex right there. You won't get sick from a sexually transmitted disease. Come on!
There is a penalty to be paid from what the beatniks, who morphed into the hippies. You say "what do you call the hundred and ten million people who have sexually transmitted illnesses?" It's the revenge of the hippies! Sex drugs and rock and roll have come back to haunt us. In a bad way.
I report you decide.
I mean, I'm reading this stuff from the CDC and it says, "how many sexual encounters does one have to have to catch a sexually transmitted illness?" It said "one". I'm like, figure out the odds on that one. How many seconds does it take to get genital herpes? It said "30 seconds." I'm like, whoa, that's pretty quick.
You want a godly, biblical, medically safe option? One man, one woman, married for life. And if you hate me because I told you that, I told you my love for you is not contingent on how you feel about me. I love you anyway. I don't want to see you die early or get sick. I'm trying to help you, for crying out loud. America, if I didn't care about you, why would I bring this up. I wouldn't care.
It is a good thing we have Phil Robertson around to explain that socially transmitted diseases were practically unknown to history prior to Jack Kerouac and Bob Dylan unleashing the pecker pox upon the world. Slut shame to Janis Joplin for giving Bobby McGee the clap and to Petula Clark for taking her unclean parts and going Downtown.
It's not like there has ever been strong speculation that syphilis may have been introduced to Europe by Christopher Columbus and his crew after returning from a trip from what is now known as the United States. Thank you, Phil, for keeping the lid on that one.
My god, how do we counter such willful stupidity? We could attempt to explain in the most rudimentary of terms to these people how simple it is to use a condom. We could earnestly agree with them how perfectly lovely it is when two people find each other and remain exclusive for the remainder of their days. But there is absolutely no way to convince the Phil Robertsons of the world that their dogma is not only ignorant and negligently naive, but can make it burn when you pee.
Via