At the end of January I went to see my Oncologist. It was my regular quarterly visit; blood work and a check under the hood.
I actually had wanted to get in at the beginning of the month because I have been sick for so long. I wanted blood work done and I had questions about my immune system. They couldn’t see me then, I think I did a diary about it here.
So I waited. In the meantime my family doctor and I figured out why I had been getting sick for the last 5 months. It seemed to coincide with a client of mine having a baby who is now 5 months old.
I got a giant bottle of hand sanitizer to keep at their house and that problem seems to be solved.
It was time to go to the oncologist though so I went. My appointment was at 1:30. I got my blood drawn first and sat and waited with everyone else. At 2:30 the noon appointment hadn’t been seen yet. So I left. Not in a huff or anything, I was very friendly about it.
I just had other things to do. In fact my dog had an appointment to have his blood work done. When I left there was a line to check out also so I bypassed it, telling them at the front desk that I would call to reschedule.
For the next 3 days someone from the office called to reschedule an appointment for me. I caught one call in person and was able to get my blood work results. A-ok. I think. They told me my tumour markers were 24. I asked if that was good and was told oh yes, they like to see them under 36.
Now this is the first time I had ever even heard of tumour markers. I didn’t know I had any tumours!?!?!? Now I had a few more questions for my Oncologist.
My last appointment was on a Wednesday so I know now to make one on a Friday the way I used to. Less waiting on Fridays, but it means taking the day off work.
The thing is I don’t want to go to the Oncologist. I do have questions about that tumour marker, about some lumps in my legs and some marks on my body, but I don’t want to go to the Oncologist.
I don’t often find that knowing what is wrong is helpful. It’s just worrisome. I am anxious enough without the added stress of having a bad condition acknowledged. I have to take valium to get my hair cut; I take two to go to the Oncologist.
I know it’s the responsible thing to do but I am in the ignorance is bliss camp.
I did make an appointment for the end of this month and I’ll go (kicking and screaming) but I don’t want to go. I don’t want to have to go. I wish I had never had to meet an Oncologist in my life!
Monday Night Cancer Club is a Daily Kos group focused on dealing with cancer, primarily for cancer survivors and caregivers, though clinicians, researchers, and others with a special interest are also welcome. Volunteer diarists post Monday evenings between 7-8 PM ET on topics related to living with cancer, which is very broadly defined to include physical, spiritual, emotional and cognitive aspects. Mindful of the controversies endemic to cancer prevention and treatment, we ask that both diarists and commenters keep an open mind regarding strategies for surviving cancer, whether based in traditional, Eastern, Western, allopathic or other medical practices. This is a club no one wants to join, in truth, and compassion will help us make it through the challenge together